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'What is one thing you can change in you life'

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:03 AM
  • 10 Replies

As DH and I watched Law and Order SVU, I got to thinking about some stuff. We been doing good for the last few days and I can't really complain about it. DH recieved a text from SD stating she needed some more cloths and she wanted DH or I to bring her some. She is at her older sisters house that is right behind us. Anyways, DH told her that she could come and grab them. DH told me that she might text me and ask me but my phone is off for the night anyway. It doesn't matter because sometimes I don't even open a text message from her. I am trying to avoid the conflicts and such with her. 

DH asked me what I was thinking because I was in a deep thought. I told him that I questioned myself and asked myself, what is one thing you can change in your life? He asked me what my answer is and I told him my answer is that I wouldn't of gotten married at a such a young age and wouldn't of married someone with kids. That I didn't know marriage esp with previous kids would be so hard and how I didn't find myself to be this evil and cruel person that I am looking out to be. I think he got upset because he got up and said he had to go check on his mom.

I guess I didn't know how hard life can get and now that I am stuck in this marriage(not really) that I need to make the best of it.

I know that I did bad things in the past but I am trying to live in the present and work on my future. I want to focus on what is important to me and if that means hurting DH feeling because I told him the truth then I will do whatever it takes to work on what is important.

This isn't about anything, I just felt like I needed to post this :) 

Goodnight.

by on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 1:48 AM
2 moms liked this

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 8:33 AM
3 moms liked this

You are not stuck. Many of us have told you that and many of us are concerned. You hold all the power to your life. You can fix your life or you can stay in this pattern. Identify what you do not like, then figure out the choises you have to fix it. I'm not a big News Years resolution person, I believe every day is resolution day but for you it's perfect. New year, new changes. What can you do to help yourself?

loveiscrazy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Focus on my future and what I want. I am going to school but recently switched my degree around and then I am still going to therapy and taking meds but I want to focus on schooling and my kids. I also want to try to work harder and fight for what I want in life. Instead of other dictating what I really want. I want to try couples therapy and see where things go but for now I want to focus on schooling and my kids. I need to work at 1 thing at a time so I don't get stressed out.

Quoting tiafez:

You are not stuck. Many of us have told you that and many of us are concerned. You hold all the power to your life. You can fix your life or you can stay in this pattern. Identify what you do not like, then figure out the choises you have to fix it. I'm not a big News Years resolution person, I believe every day is resolution day but for you it's perfect. New year, new changes. What can you do to help yourself?


loveiscrazy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 2:42 PM

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.


fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 2:49 PM
2 moms liked this

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.



loveiscrazy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 3:05 PM

I understand that and when I woke up this morning, we talked about it. He said he was shocked I felt that way. He said if he did then we would of talked about it sooner then now. I know his kids will always be his kids, not once did I say any different. I don't want him to stop being their father like I won't stop being our kids mother. I don't pretend to be his kids mother because I respect each and other BM. I will not sit back acting like I am ok because I already did that for the last years and I won't do it again. He did say that he will make a change on how we work differently on things. We promised each other to work with each other and not against each other. I always told him that his kids are priority and our kids are mine but I think we should of at least figured ourselves out with this marriage.

Quoting fantasticfour:

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.



fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 8:12 PM

I'm glad you were able to talk to him.  I don't know your entire story but it sounds like he has an open mind and is willing to compromise on things.  A good quality in a person I think.  Good luck with it.

Quoting loveiscrazy:

I understand that and when I woke up this morning, we talked about it. He said he was shocked I felt that way. He said if he did then we would of talked about it sooner then now. I know his kids will always be his kids, not once did I say any different. I don't want him to stop being their father like I won't stop being our kids mother. I don't pretend to be his kids mother because I respect each and other BM. I will not sit back acting like I am ok because I already did that for the last years and I won't do it again. He did say that he will make a change on how we work differently on things. We promised each other to work with each other and not against each other. I always told him that his kids are priority and our kids are mine but I think we should of at least figured ourselves out with this marriage.

Quoting fantasticfour:

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.




loveiscrazy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 8:16 PM
He can be an ass.

Quoting fantasticfour:

I'm glad you were able to talk to him.  I don't know your entire story but it sounds like he has an open mind and is willing to compromise on things.  A good quality in a person I think.  Good luck with it.

Quoting loveiscrazy:

I understand that and when I woke up this morning, we talked about it. He said he was shocked I felt that way. He said if he did then we would of talked about it sooner then now. I know his kids will always be his kids, not once did I say any different. I don't want him to stop being their father like I won't stop being our kids mother. I don't pretend to be his kids mother because I respect each and other BM. I will not sit back acting like I am ok because I already did that for the last years and I won't do it again. He did say that he will make a change on how we work differently on things. We promised each other to work with each other and not against each other. I always told him that his kids are priority and our kids are mine but I think we should of at least figured ourselves out with this marriage.

Quoting fantasticfour:

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.

fantasticfour
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this

So can everyone, but after that bombshell you dropped on him, I'd say he was responding very positively.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: He can be an ass.
Quoting fantasticfour:

I'm glad you were able to talk to him.  I don't know your entire story but it sounds like he has an open mind and is willing to compromise on things.  A good quality in a person I think.  Good luck with it.

Quoting loveiscrazy:

I understand that and when I woke up this morning, we talked about it. He said he was shocked I felt that way. He said if he did then we would of talked about it sooner then now. I know his kids will always be his kids, not once did I say any different. I don't want him to stop being their father like I won't stop being our kids mother. I don't pretend to be his kids mother because I respect each and other BM. I will not sit back acting like I am ok because I already did that for the last years and I won't do it again. He did say that he will make a change on how we work differently on things. We promised each other to work with each other and not against each other. I always told him that his kids are priority and our kids are mine but I think we should of at least figured ourselves out with this marriage.

Quoting fantasticfour:

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.




loveiscrazy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 12:55 PM
I know.

Quoting fantasticfour:

So can everyone, but after that bombshell you dropped on him, I'd say he was responding very positively.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: He can be an ass.

Quoting fantasticfour:

I'm glad you were able to talk to him.  I don't know your entire story but it sounds like he has an open mind and is willing to compromise on things.  A good quality in a person I think.  Good luck with it.

Quoting loveiscrazy:

I understand that and when I woke up this morning, we talked about it. He said he was shocked I felt that way. He said if he did then we would of talked about it sooner then now. I know his kids will always be his kids, not once did I say any different. I don't want him to stop being their father like I won't stop being our kids mother. I don't pretend to be his kids mother because I respect each and other BM. I will not sit back acting like I am ok because I already did that for the last years and I won't do it again. He did say that he will make a change on how we work differently on things. We promised each other to work with each other and not against each other. I always told him that his kids are priority and our kids are mine but I think we should of at least figured ourselves out with this marriage.

Quoting fantasticfour:

You can't blame him for getting upset about it.  You told him you wished you had never married him.  These are things that can fester.  I think some serious conversations need to be had between you and husband.  Going to a therapist can be great to help you find your voice, but you have to be the one to have a serious discussion on what is so hard and what needs to change.  You also have to understand that his kids will always be his kids, just like your kids will always be yours.  

Quoting loveiscrazy: 

I am in therapy but not with DH. I think I am trying to find myself again. I was just being honest with DH and trying to figure out if married life is what I want.

Quoting fantasticfour:

If you truly feel this way then perhaps you need to completely evaluate yourself and your life.  If you are miserable (it sounds that way) in your marriage, then you definitely need to either get some counseling (if you want to stay) or cut your losses and move out and file for divorce.

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