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SD coming to live with us but DH has no connection with her

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2018 at 5:49 PM
  • 19 Replies
A situation came up and BM told DH that sd may have to live with us for a year. This is the second time this has happened when sd was in the 1st grade BM dropped her off with all of her things packed and told DH she had to stay with us for a while. At that time BM had lost her home and didn't have anywhere to go. The problem is that I had to take full responsibility of sd, DH didn't show any interest in her. A while turned into a year, that whole year sd was with us DH would work and come home to go to sleep. SD would come to him saying "Daddy I want to play" or "Daddy can you take me to the playground?" He would always tell her "Daddy is tired from work, I can't right now." So I would have to do fun things with her, taking her to the playground, helping her with her homework and taking her shopping for clothes. She missed out on having that father-daughter bond with DH. He still works all of the time and I know that I will have to step in again but I'm not her father nor can I play that role.
by on Jan. 27, 2018 at 5:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2018 at 6:48 PM
How old is she now? Do you have kids together? If so, how involved is he with them?
pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Jan. 28, 2018 at 3:18 AM
1 mom liked this
then tell your husband no. not unless he decides to parent this time.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jan. 28, 2018 at 2:20 PM

I agree with Pusheen-no SD visit unless Dad's prepared to parent her 100%

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jan. 29, 2018 at 7:02 AM
2 moms liked this
That's a crappy situation so many step moms find themselves in.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2018 at 7:58 AM

Does the Mother have any other alternatives other than Dad? Sounds like Dad never bonded with his daughter and he isn't really interested in being Dad. If you have no issue with doing all the heavy-lifting for the year, then I guess that is what you will do but you don't want to, then let Dad know now.

tiafez
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2018 at 12:44 PM

Dad sucks. That's all I have, I feel fpr you. I can't imagine how frustrating it is. 

jpickens
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2018 at 12:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Reading this hurts my feelings for her. I am a kid person, so I have a house full at times and it doesn’t bother me. I would have a harder time/bigger problem with seeing a child get rejected like that, than I would taking care of them.

But if it’s something you don’t want to do, you can always put your foot down and refuse to do it.
Spirit2spirit
by on Feb. 1, 2018 at 4:35 PM
3 moms liked this

I hear your frustration with your husband not stepping in and spending time with his daughter. I acknowledge you for stepping up and helping out and being there for your sd. You sound like a caring sm. Have you had a discussion about the situation with your husband? Communication is the key to all relationships. Have you asked him why he's not engaged in his daughter's life? What's going on with him personally, besides he's tired and works a lot? Is he depressed? Is he unhappy? I would seek to understand what's personally going on with your husband and how can you help and support him. It sounds like you are a caring and patient wife and sm. 

Blessings to you and your husband and sd.

anonomomma
by Member on Feb. 1, 2018 at 4:49 PM
3 moms liked this
I would have a hard time watching a child be pushed to the side by both parents like that myself. This is just sad.

Quoting jpickens: Reading this hurts my feelings for her. I am a kid person, so I have a house full at times and it doesn’t bother me. I would have a harder time/bigger problem with seeing a child get rejected like that, than I would taking care of them.

But if it’s something you don’t want to do, you can always put your foot down and refuse to do it.
ListenTwoLove
by Member on Feb. 2, 2018 at 10:04 AM
I really do not have the choice to say no because BM has no other options but DH.

Quoting pusheen-kitty: then tell your husband no. not unless he decides to parent this time.
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