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*Update* SS Picked Up by State Police

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UPDATE:
SS14 is with us this weekend. He has been grounded from his phone and we took his door off. He said he understood why.

Tonight (Sunday) I had to work so I didn't know what was happening at home. DH was not texting me and I figured they were watching Superbowl.

Got home and it was time for SS to go to bed. He came out of his room and said to me, "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything, for lying, being disrespectful, and stealing your pills, and that I'm going to work towards earning your trust back."

I said "Okay, I just hope you mean it, thank you."

I didn't want to immediately jump at it, but I didn't know that he was taking anything from me. Come to find out, DH told me afterward, SS has been sneaking Benadryl out of my purse and also taking my other prescription drugs. I take trazodone for sleep, and Buspar for anxiety, and they are upstairs in our bedroom, in my dresser, and he's never even been in our bedroom except when we first moved in as far as I knew because our bedroom is in a loft, and that is all that's up there.

DH told me he left to go get food for Superbowl and left SS here, thinking nothing could happen. But SS snuck an old phone from BM's house and put Snapchat on it, and sent a Snap saying "Going on a Benadryl trip" and some crap about how he's so grounded. BM happened to have his current phone with her and 'lo and behold, the snaps were all showing up there.

So now SS can't be home alone, at all. DH is so mad he could piss bullets and all I can think about is how I've been warning DH for seven years of how he and BM were not parenting enough and how SS was going down the path of my brother (recovered drug addict, lots of legal issues).

I can't do anything. BM is kinda playing the blame game, like this is DH's fault, but she had full legal custody up until October, and these problems started over two years ago. They are part of why DH was granted 50/50, with the understanding that it couldn't hurt as SS seemed to be rebelling against BM. We just started uncovering all of this stuff BECAUSE he's been with us. Before, she would try to hide his poor behavior, and SS would let it slip. I don't like blame games, and she seems to be taking it out on DH now.

This kid is tearing up our household and we don't have $15k for military school, and SS doesn't want counseling. Yes he will be going. But there's no making him talk once he's there. Very, very frustrating.

Back story:

SS14 has had ongoing behavior issues for the last seven years, gradually getting worse. DH has 50/50 with BM. SS has seen multiple counselors who have all said he has some emotional immaturity but no indications of depression/anxiety/ADHD.

SS14 snuck out of BM's house last night. It was during a snowstorm, and he was going to his girlfriend's house. The police picked him up and brought him back home about 2am. BM called DH immediately this morning to tell him what happened.

To be pointe blank, the issues having been non-stop since daycare years. I have been around for eight of his 14 years, during three of them I was not involved with raising because DH and I were not married and anytime I got involved it seemed to stress DH and BM out. For the past two years BM and I have been on the same page and will often message each other to talk about how to handle things.

So far, positive reinforcement hasn't worked. One of SS's issues is not doing homework. He has been failing two of his classes, English and history. We've tried taking him places/doing things with him when he's doing well in school, but when we don't, he doesn't seem to care. We've tried taking everything electronic away- he sneaks about, getting on friend's phones at school to talk to online girlfriends, etc. He has stolen from his mother, and DH and I. We sent him to a Christian camp last year, where they have kids help with running the camp, but also have activities like archery, canoeing, etc. We were going to do that again this year- I believe we still should- but DH and BM said no, it costs $500 dollars and we aren't spending that on a kid who is disrespectful and so out of hand.

My two cents: social media has become an issue. He is girl obsessed and always has to have a girlfriend. He has had self-esteem issues for a couple years, and I believe he feels like a girlfriend is the only way to deal with it. The last two were trouble makers. One had a dad in prison, her mom lost custody, and her elderly grandma had custody. She and SS were having long conversations about sex and role playing. It was very disturbing stuff. He lost his phone over that last January, and went to a counselor. Seemed to get better over summer, we kept him busy a lot. School started in the fall and back to being girl crazy and getting into trouble.

He had a video on his phone of him vaping, it was unclear where it was taken at. He told friends on Snapchat that he was going on a Benadryl death trip. We've locked up our drugs.

He was telling friends he cut himself. When confronted, he showed some scratches and it was a joke, the dog actually did it.

Again, counselor said it was attention a seeking and that SS seems to like to create drama, but that he was hormonal and it would calm down.

Now this sneaking out thing.

Since grounding (from electronics, going places) isn't working and he seems to have too much privacy, DH is removing his bedroom door. He's lost all privileges to electronics. He is going to be given yard duty and stacking wood this weekend, and lots of chores while he's with us Friday through Thursday.

Is there anything else we should be doing?
by on Jan. 31, 2018 at 11:08 AM
Replies (21-25):
hotspice58
by Member on Feb. 5, 2018 at 10:49 AM

You may want to look into an Outward Bound-type place.  It's a camp but it's all active. 

GypsyRayne
by Member on Feb. 6, 2018 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

You may not want to hear this, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

You may think Benadryl, no big deal, it’s not real drugs. But I’m telling you, it is a big deal. They also use cough syrup and cold pills to get high. It’s called triple c’s. 

My son did this. He was in rehab 3 times, he was arrested several times. For stupid crap, all because he was high on these things. They make you act crazy and do things you wouldn’t normally do.

I wish I would have put my son in an inpatient, long term rehab when he was a teen and I had control over him. Outpatient doesn’t cut it. Neither does counseling.

My son is clean now, it was a long hard road. 

He was also admitted to the mental heath clinics a few times for attempting suicide.


WrongWayDiva
by Member on Feb. 6, 2018 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

This!!!!

My DD is finally sober for over a year after a 10+ year ride, starting at age 15 with a little pot and pills.   Went into a full blown meth addiction, including IV usage.  Rehab 3+ times.  She just got treated for Hep C.   Has 3 kids, custody of one.   

I wish I would have cracked down on her a lot sooner and harder, but I had no idea what we were dealing with.  I also recommend Nar-Anon.   It's like Al-Anon for addicts families---literally saved my life.

I have since backed way off of DD and she is doing much better.    


Quoting GypsyRayne:

You may not want to hear this, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

You may think Benadryl, no big deal, it’s not real drugs. But I’m telling you, it is a big deal. They also use cough syrup and cold pills to get high. It’s called triple c’s. 

My son did this. He was in rehab 3 times, he was arrested several times. For stupid crap, all because he was high on these things. They make you act crazy and do things you wouldn’t normally do.

I wish I would have put my son in an inpatient, long term rehab when he was a teen and I had control over him. Outpatient doesn’t cut it. Neither does counseling.

My son is clean now, it was a long hard road. 

He was also admitted to the mental heath clinics a few times for attempting suicide.



pusheen-kitty
by Battler on Feb. 6, 2018 at 12:15 PM
Yo girlfriend: your update. Don't ever keep pills in your purse. Lock em up. Lock up he medicine cabinet. All the booze. Get some cheap nanny cams.

Look up "programs for at risk youth -free". NYC there is PLOT, big brother big sister.. There is Outward Bound, etc.. It's not military boarding school, but some offer assistance. Take a look and make a list.

Also:

Take a look at charter schools (public) that are military in nature (at risk youth)

https://militaryschoolusa.com/all-states/public-school

Quoting winterfox03: UPDATE:

SS14 is with us this weekend. He has been grounded from his phone and we took his door off. He said he understood why.



Tonight (Sunday) I had to work so I didn't know what was happening at home. DH was not texting me and I figured they were watching Superbowl.



Got home and it was time for SS to go to bed. He came out of his room and said to me, "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything, for lying, being disrespectful, and stealing your pills, and that I'm going to work towards earning your trust back."



I said "Okay, I just hope you mean it, thank you."



I didn't want to immediately jump at it, but I didn't know that he was taking anything from me. Come to find out, DH told me afterward, SS has been sneaking Benadryl out of my purse and also taking my other prescription drugs. I take trazodone for sleep, and Buspar for anxiety, and they are upstairs in our bedroom, in my dresser, and he's never even been in our bedroom except when we first moved in as far as I knew because our bedroom is in a loft, and that is all that's up there.



DH told me he left to go get food for Superbowl and left SS here, thinking nothing could happen. But SS snuck an old phone from BM's house and put Snapchat on it, and sent a Snap saying "Going on a Benadryl trip" and some crap about how he's so grounded. BM happened to have his current phone with her and 'lo and behold, the snaps were all showing up there.



So now SS can't be home alone, at all. DH is so mad he could piss bullets and all I can think about is how I've been warning DH for seven years of how he and BM were not parenting enough and how SS was going down the path of my brother (recovered drug addict, lots of legal issues).



I can't do anything. BM is kinda playing the blame game, like this is DH's fault, but she had full legal custody up until October, and these problems started over two years ago. They are part of why DH was granted 50/50, with the understanding that it couldn't hurt as SS seemed to be rebelling against BM. We just started uncovering all of this stuff BECAUSE he's been with us. Before, she would try to hide his poor behavior, and SS would let it slip. I don't like blame games, and she seems to be taking it out on DH now.



This kid is tearing up our household and we don't have $15k for military school, and SS doesn't want counseling. Yes he will be going. But there's no making him talk once he's there. Very, very frustrating.



Back story:



SS14 has had ongoing behavior issues for the last seven years, gradually getting worse. DH has 50/50 with BM. SS has seen multiple counselors who have all said he has some emotional immaturity but no indications of depression/anxiety/ADHD.



SS14 snuck out of BM's house last night. It was during a snowstorm, and he was going to his girlfriend's house. The police picked him up and brought him back home about 2am. BM called DH immediately this morning to tell him what happened.



To be pointe blank, the issues having been non-stop since daycare years. I have been around for eight of his 14 years, during three of them I was not involved with raising because DH and I were not married and anytime I got involved it seemed to stress DH and BM out. For the past two years BM and I have been on the same page and will often message each other to talk about how to handle things.



So far, positive reinforcement hasn't worked. One of SS's issues is not doing homework. He has been failing two of his classes, English and history. We've tried taking him places/doing things with him when he's doing well in school, but when we don't, he doesn't seem to care. We've tried taking everything electronic away- he sneaks about, getting on friend's phones at school to talk to online girlfriends, etc. He has stolen from his mother, and DH and I. We sent him to a Christian camp last year, where they have kids help with running the camp, but also have activities like archery, canoeing, etc. We were going to do that again this year- I believe we still should- but DH and BM said no, it costs $500 dollars and we aren't spending that on a kid who is disrespectful and so out of hand.



My two cents: social media has become an issue. He is girl obsessed and always has to have a girlfriend. He has had self-esteem issues for a couple years, and I believe he feels like a girlfriend is the only way to deal with it. The last two were trouble makers. One had a dad in prison, her mom lost custody, and her elderly grandma had custody. She and SS were having long conversations about sex and role playing. It was very disturbing stuff. He lost his phone over that last January, and went to a counselor. Seemed to get better over summer, we kept him busy a lot. School started in the fall and back to being girl crazy and getting into trouble.



He had a video on his phone of him vaping, it was unclear where it was taken at. He told friends on Snapchat that he was going on a Benadryl death trip. We've locked up our drugs.



He was telling friends he cut himself. When confronted, he showed some scratches and it was a joke, the dog actually did it.



Again, counselor said it was attention a seeking and that SS seems to like to create drama, but that he was hormonal and it would calm down.



Now this sneaking out thing.



Since grounding (from electronics, going places) isn't working and he seems to have too much privacy, DH is removing his bedroom door. He's lost all privileges to electronics. He is going to be given yard duty and stacking wood this weekend, and lots of chores while he's with us Friday through Thursday.



Is there anything else we should be doing?
winterfox03
by Member on Feb. 6, 2018 at 3:12 PM
I keep my emergency medication in my purse, have for years. I have severe asthma and allergies so these things never crossed my mind, because I have had them on me my ENTIRE life.

All medications are in my room now.

Already looked at camps, programs, etc, and everything is either out of our budget or too far away. We are not poor but we definitely cannot afford $15k plus to send him anywhere. We live in northern Michigan, and every school I have looked at state that the youth has to already have a background of law breaking before they will take them. Either that or they have to pay thousands of dollars to enroll. The most afford was $12k and we cannot afford that at this time.

Everything we are being told contradicts advice here.

I'm going to have to leave it to DH and BM and figure it out, because all of my suggestions have fallen to the wsyside.

Quoting pusheen-kitty: Yo girlfriend: your update. Don't ever keep pills in your purse. Lock em up. Lock up he medicine cabinet. All the booze. Get some cheap nanny cams.

Look up "programs for at risk youth -free". NYC there is PLOT, big brother big sister.. There is Outward Bound, etc.. It's not military boarding school, but some offer assistance. Take a look and make a list.

Also:

Take a look at charter schools (public) that are military in nature (at risk youth)

https://militaryschoolusa.com/all-states/public-school

Quoting winterfox03: UPDATE:
SS14 is with us this weekend. He has been grounded from his phone and we took his door off. He said he understood why.

Tonight (Sunday) I had to work so I didn't know what was happening at home. DH was not texting me and I figured they were watching Superbowl.

Got home and it was time for SS to go to bed. He came out of his room and said to me, "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything, for lying, being disrespectful, and stealing your pills, and that I'm going to work towards earning your trust back."

I said "Okay, I just hope you mean it, thank you."

I didn't want to immediately jump at it, but I didn't know that he was taking anything from me. Come to find out, DH told me afterward, SS has been sneaking Benadryl out of my purse and also taking my other prescription drugs. I take trazodone for sleep, and Buspar for anxiety, and they are upstairs in our bedroom, in my dresser, and he's never even been in our bedroom except when we first moved in as far as I knew because our bedroom is in a loft, and that is all that's up there.

DH told me he left to go get food for Superbowl and left SS here, thinking nothing could happen. But SS snuck an old phone from BM's house and put Snapchat on it, and sent a Snap saying "Going on a Benadryl trip" and some crap about how he's so grounded. BM happened to have his current phone with her and 'lo and behold, the snaps were all showing up there.

So now SS can't be home alone, at all. DH is so mad he could piss bullets and all I can think about is how I've been warning DH for seven years of how he and BM were not parenting enough and how SS was going down the path of my brother (recovered drug addict, lots of legal issues).

I can't do anything. BM is kinda playing the blame game, like this is DH's fault, but she had full legal custody up until October, and these problems started over two years ago. They are part of why DH was granted 50/50, with the understanding that it couldn't hurt as SS seemed to be rebelling against BM. We just started uncovering all of this stuff BECAUSE he's been with us. Before, she would try to hide his poor behavior, and SS would let it slip. I don't like blame games, and she seems to be taking it out on DH now.

This kid is tearing up our household and we don't have $15k for military school, and SS doesn't want counseling. Yes he will be going. But there's no making him talk once he's there. Very, very frustrating.

Back story:

SS14 has had ongoing behavior issues for the last seven years, gradually getting worse. DH has 50/50 with BM. SS has seen multiple counselors who have all said he has some emotional immaturity but no indications of depression/anxiety/ADHD.

SS14 snuck out of BM's house last night. It was during a snowstorm, and he was going to his girlfriend's house. The police picked him up and brought him back home about 2am. BM called DH immediately this morning to tell him what happened.

To be pointe blank, the issues having been non-stop since daycare years. I have been around for eight of his 14 years, during three of them I was not involved with raising because DH and I were not married and anytime I got involved it seemed to stress DH and BM out. For the past two years BM and I have been on the same page and will often message each other to talk about how to handle things.

So far, positive reinforcement hasn't worked. One of SS's issues is not doing homework. He has been failing two of his classes, English and history. We've tried taking him places/doing things with him when he's doing well in school, but when we don't, he doesn't seem to care. We've tried taking everything electronic away- he sneaks about, getting on friend's phones at school to talk to online girlfriends, etc. He has stolen from his mother, and DH and I. We sent him to a Christian camp last year, where they have kids help with running the camp, but also have activities like archery, canoeing, etc. We were going to do that again this year- I believe we still should- but DH and BM said no, it costs $500 dollars and we aren't spending that on a kid who is disrespectful and so out of hand.

My two cents: social media has become an issue. He is girl obsessed and always has to have a girlfriend. He has had self-esteem issues for a couple years, and I believe he feels like a girlfriend is the only way to deal with it. The last two were trouble makers. One had a dad in prison, her mom lost custody, and her elderly grandma had custody. She and SS were having long conversations about sex and role playing. It was very disturbing stuff. He lost his phone over that last January, and went to a counselor. Seemed to get better over summer, we kept him busy a lot. School started in the fall and back to being girl crazy and getting into trouble.

He had a video on his phone of him vaping, it was unclear where it was taken at. He told friends on Snapchat that he was going on a Benadryl death trip. We've locked up our drugs.

He was telling friends he cut himself. When confronted, he showed some scratches and it was a joke, the dog actually did it.

Again, counselor said it was attention a seeking and that SS seems to like to create drama, but that he was hormonal and it would calm down.

Now this sneaking out thing.

Since grounding (from electronics, going places) isn't working and he seems to have too much privacy, DH is removing his bedroom door. He's lost all privileges to electronics. He is going to be given yard duty and stacking wood this weekend, and lots of chores while he's with us Friday through Thursday.

Is there anything else we should be doing?
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