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Wtf!!

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:11 AM
  • 31 Replies
I was home with my DD(1) and my SS(4). DD was playing quietly by herself inside her play area surround by a baby gate. As soon as SS comes out of his room he runs to where DD is and screams RAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR loudly while violently shaking the gate back and forth. This startles DD and I ask SS to stop a few times. As soon as he stopped I ask him to sit down and think about what he did and why he did it. I let him sit for a few minutes while he made his sad face as I took care of DD. I asked him why he did it..one of his many responses were “his mom does it to him,” “his mom told him to do it to the baby.” Then I asked him if he liked it when his mom did it to him..he said no and began to pout. So I asked if he didn’t like it what makes him think anyone else will like it...same response .... though i don’t believe his answers(I hope it’s not true), he doesn’t realize what he did wasn’t nice

Anyway, I told DH about the situation when he got home and instead of being a team with me about it SS gets told it’s ok and don’t do it again on top of getting treated to ice cream as well as getting toys.

This irritated me.....I know the saying “not my kid not my problem” but wtf.....I actually care about SS and his lack of discipline.....

Thoughts?
by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:24 AM
6 moms liked this
Lol, sorry sweetie, but you went about it all wrong. That is a completely normal thing for a 4-year-old big brother to do.

You told him to stop, and he did. You could have followed it up with "don't do it again" and left it alone. Asking him to think about his action and WHY he did it are just not appropriate at that age. Preschoolers are generally too young to articulate why they do something, and the things he told you h he probably made up because he could tell you wanted an answer and he didn't really have one to give.

Your husband's reaction was much more appropriate. Your step-son made a minor infraction in the attempt to play with his sister. It was really NOT a big deal.
ar1985
by New Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:43 AM
So do we reward with toys and ice cream too?


I just don’t think most 4 year olds are like that, just the spoiled ones that get away with everything.

There are other preschoolers out there who have a much better understanding of what’s good/bad right/wrong....

Quoting DDDaysh: Lol, sorry sweetie, but you went about it all wrong. That is a completely normal thing for a 4-year-old big brother to do.



You told him to stop, and he did. You could have followed it up with "don't do it again" and left it alone. Asking him to think about his action and WHY he did it are just not appropriate at that age. Preschoolers are generally too young to articulate why they do something, and the things he told you h he probably made up because he could tell you wanted an answer and he didn't really have one to give.



Your husband's reaction was much more appropriate. Your step-son made a minor infraction in the attempt to play with his sister. It was really NOT a big deal.
jpickens
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 1:14 AM
7 moms liked this
“screams RAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR loudly while violently shaking the gate back and forth.“

^^^ 😂😂😂😂😂😂 @ picturing a 4 year old doing this.


Seriously, I agree with DDD. This is normal 4 year old stuff and not that big of a deal.
WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Feb. 4, 2018 at 8:53 AM
4 moms liked this
Your child one day will do something equally annoying.

You're welcome.


Quoting ar1985: So do we reward with toys and ice cream too?


I just don’t think most 4 year olds are like that, just the spoiled ones that get away with everything.

There are other preschoolers out there who have a much better understanding of what’s good/bad right/wrong....

Quoting DDDaysh: Lol, sorry sweetie, but you went about it all wrong. That is a completely normal thing for a 4-year-old big brother to do.

You told him to stop, and he did. You could have followed it up with "don't do it again" and left it alone. Asking him to think about his action and WHY he did it are just not appropriate at that age. Preschoolers are generally too young to articulate why they do something, and the things he told you h he probably made up because he could tell you wanted an answer and he didn't really have one to give.

Your husband's reaction was much more appropriate. Your step-son made a minor infraction in the attempt to play with his sister. It was really NOT a big deal.
K3412
by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 9:04 AM
2 moms liked this
That’s very normal behavior for a 4 year old. I agree with the PP that you overreacted. He’s 4, not 8 or 10. It’s not worth climbing that mountain every time unless it’s actually an issue that needs correcting. You made it into too big of a thing.
ar1985
by New Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 10:11 AM
SS does this all the time. When he thinks no one is watching he throws toys at DD or shakes her. Then when you call him out on it he says he didn’t do it. Is that typical 4 year old behavior too?

Quoting K3412: That’s very normal behavior for a 4 year old. I agree with the PP that you overreacted. He’s 4, not 8 or 10. It’s not worth climbing that mountain every time unless it’s actually an issue that needs correcting. You made it into too big of a thing.
progressandjoy
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 10:11 AM
2 moms liked this

This is completely, 100% normal - regardless of how well behaved the child is.

I have two daughters. My youngest turned one about two weeks ago and my oldest will turn four next month, and this is typical play behavior. DH and I are strict parents and ODD is the furthest thing from spoiled – but she is still a toddler, who doesn’t always make the most logical choices. She knows to be gentle with her sister, but it’s hard to judge how gentle you are being when you’re a three/four year old dinosaur. A quick reminder about being gentle is all that is usually needed.

You definitely made this a bigger deal than it needed to be. A four year isn’t going to be able to accurately verbalize why they do something, especially if they are in a high pressure situation (which, based on your response that he had “many responses” it sounds like you quizzed him about his behavior and only accepted a “right answer”). This also explains why he tried to blame BM (especially if he thinks you will accept that response).  

THEN it was brought up again, after Dad got home. Being punished for behavior multiple times, especially hours after the initial incident is inappropriate for a four year old. His behavior should be forgiven and forgotten, not repeatedly held against him. He’s not going to associate long term punishment with a minor incident that happened earlier in the day (even if you hold a grudge and remind him why he’s in trouble), which also means he’s not going to associate ice cream and toys as a reward for the behavior.

I’m also curious how the ice cream and toys were presented. Based on your post, it reads as if Dad reminded his son to be careful around his sister and then immediately took him out for ice cream and let him pick out a toy at the store. Is that how it happened?  

ar1985
by New Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 10:16 AM
He was taken out for ice cream as soon as DH got home. I told DH about what happened over the phone while he was on the way home and he came home with toys for SS.

I wasn’t quizzing question after question. It was simple question then wait for an answer....

Quoting progressandjoy:

This
is completely, 100% normal - regardless of how well behaved the child is.



I have two daughters. My youngest turned
one about two weeks ago and my oldest will turn four next month, and this is typical
play behavior. DH and I are strict parents and ODD is the furthest thing from
spoiled – but she is still a toddler, who doesn’t always make the most logical
choices. She knows to be gentle with her sister, but it’s hard to judge how
gentle you are being when you’re a three/four year old dinosaur. A quick
reminder about being gentle is all that is usually needed.


You def
initely made this a bigger deal
than it needed to be. A four year isn’t going to be able to accurately
verbalize why they do something, especially if they are in a high pressure
situation (which, based on your response that he had “many responses” it sounds
like you quizzed him about his behavior and only accepted a “right answer”). This
also explains why he tried to blame BM (especially if he thinks you will accept
that response).  



THEN it was brought up again, after Dad
got home. Being punished for behavior multiple times, especially hours after
the initial incident is inappropriate for a four year old. His behavior should
be forgiven and forgotten, not repeatedly held against him. He’s not going to
associate long term punishment with a minor incident that happened earlier in
the day (even if you hold a grudge and remind him why he’s in trouble), which
also means he’s not going to associate ice cream and toys as a reward for the
behavior.



I’m also curious how the ice cream and
toys were presented. Based on your post, it reads as if Dad reminded his son to
be careful around his sister and then immediately took him out for ice cream
and let him pick out a toy at the store. Is that how it happened?  

progressandjoy
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes. This is typical four year old behavior.

Stay consistent with discipline. Start with firm reminders to be gentle, and if it continues move him to another room. Don’t set him up for failure by asking him to admit to something that you witnessed. You already know the truth, and nothing good will come from trying to force him to “tell the truth.”

If you truly think he is abnormal or a danger to your child, don’t watch him. Ask your husband to find alternative childcare. Definitely don’t leave him alone with your daughter where he has the ability to put his hands on her and “shake her.


Quoting ar1985: SS does this all the time. When he thinks no one is watching he throws toys at DD or shakes her. Then when you call him out on it he says he didn’t do it. Is that typical 4 year old behavior too?
Quoting K3412: That’s very normal behavior for a 4 year old. I agree with the PP that you overreacted. He’s 4, not 8 or 10. It’s not worth climbing that mountain every time unless it’s actually an issue that needs correcting. You made it into too big of a thing.


Leigh84
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 11:25 AM
4 year olds are impulsive at times. That’s pretty normal behavior for that age. You asked him to stop and he did. I’m really not seeing the problem here.
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