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Scenario taken from another forum

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2018 at 10:34 PM
  • 60 Replies

I know some of you are on the same forum but I thought I would see what the consensus is here:


20 years ago the OP and her husband decided to cut his kids off. This was after an incident between the OP's daughter and SD. The OP's daughter had been hitting, pinching, etc the stepkids because she was "having trouble adjusting" and the SD smacked the DD in the face with a book in defense. SD was 8 at the time. The DD fell and hit her head and was taken to the hospital. SM left her stepkids at home (6, 8 and 9 at the time) by themselves and assumed the stepkids would call their mom. She had her husband come to the hospital to help put with DD (his stepchild) and didn't tell him the kids were home alone. 

The youngest got out of the house and someone called 911 for a small child wandering the streets. The OP was arrested, charged, and convicted. Then dad beat the 8 year old with a belt for hitting her stepsister and was also charged with child abuse, although later acquitted. BM was granted supervised visits and dad never followed through. He is registered with CPS for a founded report. 

Now: Dad and SS work at the same company. SS told dad to leave him alone and reported him to HR when dad approached him. As it turns out, the middle SD died of cancer 4 years ago and dad is upset that he missed out on the chance for her to apologize for hitting her stepsister 20 years ago. OP had her DD pose as a friend of the SD to find out what happened and contacted the mom. It turns out the SD battled cancer three times and now OP is upset that no one contacted her husband. She is also claiming that the mom kept it to herself to get attention. 

What say you SMC? 

My take is that the OP and her husband should leave BM and the remaining two stepkids the hell alone. And what they had OP's DD do was pretty despicable. 

by on Feb. 6, 2018 at 10:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this

what a mess. in the particlar picture painted: 1. Dad needs to leave his son alone. 2. SM needs to own her part in all of it. 3. SD needs to stop pushing drama, or egging her mom on.  4. I don't get how this was BM trying to get attention, Dad's actions/SM's actions have repercussions and this is them. Had he exercised his visitations he'd have known more. He chose not to.

ths part bolded below says all I needed to see:

. As it turns out, the middle SD died of cancer 4 years ago and dad is upset that he missed out on the chance for her to apologize for hitting her stepsister 20 years ago


he isn't upset with his SD's acts, his wife's acts, or his own brutal acts. He's angry that his child didn't get to apologize for her acts. 

I hope the remaining kids slam the door shut on him and lock it and cover the window with newspaper. He doesn't deserve anything. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 9:18 AM

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.


And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.


Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this

I guess the story varies according to one's perspective, nevertheless, since they all are adults, they are all should just focus on their own lives and make the best of it. Dad needs to forget about those children, he didn't have a relationship with them for over 20 years so I doubt he felt deeply about that child's death, he needs to just move on.

sheramom4
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 12:26 PM


Quoting Tigress22304:

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.


And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.


Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

She changed some stuff in the comments on her second post. Including that her daughter was the aggressor in the whole book smashing incident. She started off blaming mom and her SD for the whole thing and as more came out it changed a lot (I think she was a troll). For example, BM didn't PAS the kids. She asked for supervised visitation after the kids were left alone and her daughter was beaten with a belt. BM also never told the child to smack another in the face with a book. She did suggest her kids defend themselves against heir stepsister's repeated attacks. 

Originally I could see the OP's side and then she posted more comments and I had a WTF moment and changed directions. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 12:57 PM


Quoting sheramom4:


Quoting Tigress22304:

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.


And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.


Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

She changed some stuff in the comments on her second post. Including that her daughter was the aggressor in the whole book smashing incident. She started off blaming mom and her SD for the whole thing and as more came out it changed a lot (I think she was a troll). For example, BM didn't PAS the kids. She asked for supervised visitation after the kids were left alone and her daughter was beaten with a belt. BM also never told the child to smack another in the face with a book. She did suggest her kids defend themselves against heir stepsister's repeated attacks. 

Originally I could see the OP's side and then she posted more comments and I had a WTF moment and changed directions. 

I'll have to go back and read the entire thread-because i didn't see all you're posting about.

It's one thing to defend yourself-it's another to smack somebody in the face with a book to the point blood is drawn and the victim has to have medical attention.

I swear 25% of those on that forum are the failed trolls of CM

I can assure you if my daughter was attacked in that manner-the attacker would be banned from my house.

Regarding the belt-I know it's allowed in some states-I think the issue was there was a welt left behind. I got the impression BM encouraged the bad behavior.

And what exactly did the daughter did to earn a book to be smashed into her face>


sheramom4
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 4:21 PM


Quoting Tigress22304:

Quoting sheramom4:


Quoting Tigress22304:

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.


And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.


Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

She changed some stuff in the comments on her second post. Including that her daughter was the aggressor in the whole book smashing incident. She started off blaming mom and her SD for the whole thing and as more came out it changed a lot (I think she was a troll). For example, BM didn't PAS the kids. She asked for supervised visitation after the kids were left alone and her daughter was beaten with a belt. BM also never told the child to smack another in the face with a book. She did suggest her kids defend themselves against heir stepsister's repeated attacks. 

Originally I could see the OP's side and then she posted more comments and I had a WTF moment and changed directions. 

I'll have to go back and read the entire thread-because i didn't see all you're posting about.

It's one thing to defend yourself-it's another to smack somebody in the face with a book to the point blood is drawn and the victim has to have medical attention.

I swear 25% of those on that forum are the failed trolls of CM

I can assure you if my daughter was attacked in that manner-the attacker would be banned from my house.

Regarding the belt-I know it's allowed in some states-I think the issue was there was a welt left behind. I got the impression BM encouraged the bad behavior.

And what exactly did the daughter did to earn a book to be smashed into her face>

I think the book thing was honestly a relatively small child (7 or 8) not understanding what defend herself meant. The OP's DD had been hitting, pinching, and otherwise physically attacking the stepkids for a couple of months. 

I have to admit....I once hit my little brother hard enough to draw blood and he needed stitches from falling. He would not stop biting and pinching me. I lost my shit and smacked him. And I felt awful about it. We joke about it as adults and he admits he was a little asshole. I 100% did not mean to hit him that hard. So I may have a different take on some of this because I was the kid who didn't quite understand defending herself. 

In terms of BM encouraging the behavior...I think that is OP's impression because mom told her kids to defend themselves. And mom was pissed off that her kids were left alone and that her child was left with welts from a belt. That being said, the mom did try to continue visits with dad and dad refused visits so it doesn't sound like she was all bad or even trying to prevent a relationship. The dad did go to the hospital to see her stepdaughter and never checked on his kids at the house, which I would be livid about. He only checked on the kids after someone called the police because the six year old was out by herself, which the OP blames the child for. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 4:53 PM


Quoting sheramom4:


Quoting Tigress22304:

Quoting sheramom4:


Quoting Tigress22304:

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.


And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.


Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

She changed some stuff in the comments on her second post. Including that her daughter was the aggressor in the whole book smashing incident. She started off blaming mom and her SD for the whole thing and as more came out it changed a lot (I think she was a troll). For example, BM didn't PAS the kids. She asked for supervised visitation after the kids were left alone and her daughter was beaten with a belt. BM also never told the child to smack another in the face with a book. She did suggest her kids defend themselves against heir stepsister's repeated attacks. 

Originally I could see the OP's side and then she posted more comments and I had a WTF moment and changed directions. 

I'll have to go back and read the entire thread-because i didn't see all you're posting about.

It's one thing to defend yourself-it's another to smack somebody in the face with a book to the point blood is drawn and the victim has to have medical attention.

I swear 25% of those on that forum are the failed trolls of CM

I can assure you if my daughter was attacked in that manner-the attacker would be banned from my house.

Regarding the belt-I know it's allowed in some states-I think the issue was there was a welt left behind. I got the impression BM encouraged the bad behavior.

And what exactly did the daughter did to earn a book to be smashed into her face>

I think the book thing was honestly a relatively small child (7 or 8) not understanding what defend herself meant. The OP's DD had been hitting, pinching, and otherwise physically attacking the stepkids for a couple of months. 

I have to admit....I once hit my little brother hard enough to draw blood and he needed stitches from falling. He would not stop biting and pinching me. I lost my shit and smacked him. And I felt awful about it. We joke about it as adults and he admits he was a little asshole. I 100% did not mean to hit him that hard. So I may have a different take on some of this because I was the kid who didn't quite understand defending herself. 

In terms of BM encouraging the behavior...I think that is OP's impression because mom told her kids to defend themselves. And mom was pissed off that her kids were left alone and that her child was left with welts from a belt. That being said, the mom did try to continue visits with dad and dad refused visits so it doesn't sound like she was all bad or even trying to prevent a relationship. The dad did go to the hospital to see her stepdaughter and never checked on his kids at the house, which I would be livid about. He only checked on the kids after someone called the police because the six year old was out by herself, which the OP blames the child for. 

Did Dad refuse visitation? Because I thought I read Mom refused visitation and cut off contact.

I could have mixed that post up with another.

Honestly Mom and Dad could have done better regarding all of this-but I stand by the fact that Dad should focus on his current wife and the children in their house


sheramom4
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 5:07 PM


Quoting Tigress22304:

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting Tigress22304:

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting Tigress22304:

I followed that story

 Try BM also did PAS with the kids and kept the kids from their father.

it's pathetic when a man tries to keep in touch with his children and Mom interferes.

And all i will say is this-SM saw her child bloodied and concussed-she grabbed her and took her to the hospital-she didn't stop and think about the kids.

She panicked-UNLESS YOU ARE IN HER SHOES DO NO JUDGE.

Sorry but BM was a cunt for not telling her ex their daughter died of cancer. Maybe if she put her children first-it could have been a better outcome for all involved.

What the hell kind of mother tells her daughter "Take this book and smash it in your stepsister's face"

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when the mom dies and the SS finds out the evil his mother caused to keep dad away.

Honestly-I say good riddance-which is sad. Dad needs to stay away and focus on his surviving children with his current wife.

She changed some stuff in the comments on her second post. Including that her daughter was the aggressor in the whole book smashing incident. She started off blaming mom and her SD for the whole thing and as more came out it changed a lot (I think she was a troll). For example, BM didn't PAS the kids. She asked for supervised visitation after the kids were left alone and her daughter was beaten with a belt. BM also never told the child to smack another in the face with a book. She did suggest her kids defend themselves against heir stepsister's repeated attacks. 

Originally I could see the OP's side and then she posted more comments and I had a WTF moment and changed directions. 

I'll have to go back and read the entire thread-because i didn't see all you're posting about.

It's one thing to defend yourself-it's another to smack somebody in the face with a book to the point blood is drawn and the victim has to have medical attention.

I swear 25% of those on that forum are the failed trolls of CM

I can assure you if my daughter was attacked in that manner-the attacker would be banned from my house.

Regarding the belt-I know it's allowed in some states-I think the issue was there was a welt left behind. I got the impression BM encouraged the bad behavior.

And what exactly did the daughter did to earn a book to be smashed into her face>

I think the book thing was honestly a relatively small child (7 or 8) not understanding what defend herself meant. The OP's DD had been hitting, pinching, and otherwise physically attacking the stepkids for a couple of months. 

I have to admit....I once hit my little brother hard enough to draw blood and he needed stitches from falling. He would not stop biting and pinching me. I lost my shit and smacked him. And I felt awful about it. We joke about it as adults and he admits he was a little asshole. I 100% did not mean to hit him that hard. So I may have a different take on some of this because I was the kid who didn't quite understand defending herself. 

In terms of BM encouraging the behavior...I think that is OP's impression because mom told her kids to defend themselves. And mom was pissed off that her kids were left alone and that her child was left with welts from a belt. That being said, the mom did try to continue visits with dad and dad refused visits so it doesn't sound like she was all bad or even trying to prevent a relationship. The dad did go to the hospital to see her stepdaughter and never checked on his kids at the house, which I would be livid about. He only checked on the kids after someone called the police because the six year old was out by herself, which the OP blames the child for. 

Did Dad refuse visitation? Because I thought I read Mom refused visitation and cut off contact.

I could have mixed that post up with another.

Honestly Mom and Dad could have done better regarding all of this-but I stand by the fact that Dad should focus on his current wife and the children in their house

No kids in their house (all adults) but I think they should leave his kids and ex wife alone. I think the part that got me was the OP's adult DD pretending to be a friend of the dead child to get info for the OP. I have this vision of a mom thinking she is speaking with a friend of her child's and really it is just an adult woman playing games with her. It really bothered me. It hurt my mom heart. 

OP said mom asked for supervised visits and didn't answer but in another comment she said her husband made the choice not to see his kids...so the truth may lie somewhere in the middle. 

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 5:21 PM

After reading your and Kat's exchange, IMO it doesn't matter why there were no more visits.  It can't be undone, whether BM prevented them or BF refused them.  At this point his older children are 26 and 29 and have their own lives.  If his DS works with him and doesn't have a reason to speak to his BF, then BF needs to respect his DS and not speak to him.  If they do work where they need to speak, then whoever was hired last should decide if this is where he wants to continue working or not.  He shouldn't pursue a relationship with the 26yo either.  

If, after 20 years, BF is upset he didn't know his DD28 (24 when she died?) is gone, he's got much more to work through than a missed apology.  It's long past time to let go of the past and move on.  If he's going to be angry, he can turn that inward for all the lost years, once she was 18, that he didn't reach out for her (or either of his other kids).  That's on him.  Even if he'd been turned down by them, he could have tried.  (it doesn't sound like he did though, and doesn't sound like he would have still if his DS hadn't begun working where he worked).  

What a mess that whole situation is.  

sheramom4
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting jules2boys:

After reading your and Kat's exchange, IMO it doesn't matter why there were no more visits.  It can't be undone, whether BM prevented them or BF refused them.  At this point his older children are 26 and 29 and have their own lives.  If his DS works with him and doesn't have a reason to speak to his BF, then BF needs to respect his DS and not speak to him.  If they do work where they need to speak, then whoever was hired last should decide if this is where he wants to continue working or not.  He shouldn't pursue a relationship with the 26yo either.  

If, after 20 years, BF is upset he didn't know his DD28 (24 when she died?) is gone, he's got much more to work through than a missed apology.  It's long past time to let go of the past and move on.  If he's going to be angry, he can turn that inward for all the lost years, once she was 18, that he didn't reach out for her (or either of his other kids).  That's on him.  Even if he'd been turned down by them, he could have tried.  (it doesn't sound like he did though, and doesn't sound like he would have still if his DS hadn't begun working where he worked).  

What a mess that whole situation is.  

From what I understand there was no reason to speak to each other. The father approached him to ask if his sister had died. The dad has already had a meeting with HR about leaving said son alone at work. 

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