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Scenario taken from another forum

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I know some of you are on the same forum but I thought I would see what the consensus is here:


20 years ago the OP and her husband decided to cut his kids off. This was after an incident between the OP's daughter and SD. The OP's daughter had been hitting, pinching, etc the stepkids because she was "having trouble adjusting" and the SD smacked the DD in the face with a book in defense. SD was 8 at the time. The DD fell and hit her head and was taken to the hospital. SM left her stepkids at home (6, 8 and 9 at the time) by themselves and assumed the stepkids would call their mom. She had her husband come to the hospital to help put with DD (his stepchild) and didn't tell him the kids were home alone. 

The youngest got out of the house and someone called 911 for a small child wandering the streets. The OP was arrested, charged, and convicted. Then dad beat the 8 year old with a belt for hitting her stepsister and was also charged with child abuse, although later acquitted. BM was granted supervised visits and dad never followed through. He is registered with CPS for a founded report. 

Now: Dad and SS work at the same company. SS told dad to leave him alone and reported him to HR when dad approached him. As it turns out, the middle SD died of cancer 4 years ago and dad is upset that he missed out on the chance for her to apologize for hitting her stepsister 20 years ago. OP had her DD pose as a friend of the SD to find out what happened and contacted the mom. It turns out the SD battled cancer three times and now OP is upset that no one contacted her husband. She is also claiming that the mom kept it to herself to get attention. 

What say you SMC? 

My take is that the OP and her husband should leave BM and the remaining two stepkids the hell alone. And what they had OP's DD do was pretty despicable. 

by on Feb. 6, 2018 at 10:34 PM
Replies (51-60):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 12:34 PM
I don’t have enough information to judge the individuals in this situation. I can only say the incident that caused one child to end up in the hospital was the root of the estrangement, rightly or wrongly.

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: As I said I am not buying that story, that the police would have arrested the SM under the circumstances, I would expect them to arrest the father who was the responsible parent at the time since both SM and the father were at the hospital.

I thought the father was arrested for the beating of his child.

Whatever the facts, if both SM and the father were convicted of something, I can understand the resulting estrangement with who they blamed.


Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

How did BM cause SM's arrest or conviction? SM was arrested by the police after someone found the six year old wandering around outside. BM was nowhere near the incident and didn't know her kids were home alone. Sm caused SM's arrest and conviction. Dad was charged with the neglect because the SM fully admits that she called to have him meet her at the hospital and assumed the stepkids had called someone to come supervise them. 

SM was essentially the babysitter or nanny. If a babysitter or nanny leaves kids home alone and one gets out they are arrested. Dad didn't know his kids were home alone, he was at work. If you were to hire someone who then left your kids home alone, you wuldn't be charged. The irresponsible party would be. 

The father was arrested for beating the middle child with a belt. Although he was not convicted, he was granted supervised only visits without SM or her child around. 

Either way, this was not on mom or the kids and the OP of the post blames BM and her children for both arrests and the supervised visits. The BM doesn't sound like a bad mom. It actually sounds like she tried for a long time but did what most parents would do and protected her kids. 

And let's not forget the the OP's child had been assaulting the stepkids for months before this incident. 

If dad were a good dad he would have kicked SM out. He chose a woman over his children. 

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:24 PM
Sm was convicted because of her own choices and actions. She alone caused her own arrest and conviction. I get the impression that if this is not a troll, that the conviction included far more than she admitted. Dad was arrested because he abused his child to the point that a judge agreed that he was a danger to them and could not be around them unsupervised. The responsibility for their choices and criminal records fall solely on their shoulders, not mom and the kids.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:27 PM
Yet 20 years later, these criminals still blame the young children and the mother who has zero control over their choices completely. If this is not a troll, both of them are pieces of shit and the kids were better off not having to be exposed to either of them.

Quoting soonergirl980: The dad should choose to be estranged from the sm. She was arrested and convicted of what I would assume was NEGLECT of his children. Mom nor his YOUNG children caused that. If someone was convicted of neglecting MY children you can bet that I would be kicking THEM out of my life not my kids.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

minimoo
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this
But but but... it's ALWAYS mom's fault!!!

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

How did BM cause SM's arrest or conviction? SM was arrested by the police after someone found the six year old wandering around outside. BM was nowhere near the incident and didn't know her kids were home alone. Sm caused SM's arrest and conviction. Dad was charged with the neglect because the SM fully admits that she called to have him meet her at the hospital and assumed the stepkids had called someone to come supervise them. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:49 PM
Lol, I am a mother and I love my own mother and my grandmother, and actually if it affects our children we tend to own it but then again we don’t have SMs to blame.

The situation caused the resulting estrangement, as you said it was in the children’s best interest not to be around the SM or Dad, I agree.


Quoting minimoo: But but but... it's ALWAYS mom's fault!!!

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

How did BM cause SM's arrest or conviction? SM was arrested by the police after someone found the six year old wandering around outside. BM was nowhere near the incident and didn't know her kids were home alone. Sm caused SM's arrest and conviction. Dad was charged with the neglect because the SM fully admits that she called to have him meet her at the hospital and assumed the stepkids had called someone to come supervise them. 

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Exactly he is a POS and Now thinks he has a right no jack shit about the kids he abandoned. I don’t think so.

Again I want to believe this is a troll so far fetched. I think the most telling is the fact that supposedly a small child hit another child with a book with such force to cause this? What was she reading? A hard copy of Les Miserables?


Quoting leegirl_jm: Well, he didn’t see it that way and chose to be estranged from his children for 20 years.

Quoting soonergirl980: The dad should choose to be estranged from the sm. She was arrested and convicted of what I would assume was NEGLECT of his children. Mom nor his YOUNG children caused that. If someone was convicted of neglecting MY children you can bet that I would be kicking THEM out of my life not my kids.

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

redheadtmk
by on Feb. 10, 2018 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I think they are loathsome people and his kids should have nothing to do with them. 

Boobear110
by Audra on Feb. 10, 2018 at 7:11 PM

I have to agree with you. This would be like me contacting my oldest sons father if , god forbid, anything happened to him. He hasn’t seen or spoken to him in years. He would be the last person i would think of contacting.. 

This guy wasn’t around for his daughter’s life. BM watched her baby fight cancer 3x. I can’t even imagine her pain. 

Quoting pusheen-kitty: https://www.steptalk.org/node/243631 Holy fuck I can't even read the whole thing. The husband sounds like a total piece of shit. Amirite?


minimoo
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2018 at 10:27 AM
From reading the post, it didn't seem like the root of sm's anger was the incident (which was a 6 year old standing up to a persistent bully in the only way she knew how as she was only 6), but rather that she was held accountable for her crimes and her husband was caught beating his kid. The real root was the dad and sm's poor parenting and irresponsibility. Sm not only failed to teach her dd how to treat people, but made excuses for her bullying other children who were entrusted in her care and allowed that behavior for months. She then abandoned the skids without regard to their safety. While at first, one could make the excuse that she panicked, but then things calmed down enough to call dad, ask him to come to the hospital, but still no thought about the small children she had left alone who were not equipped to be alone yet. Most responsible people would at least reflect a little and take a little ownership ("well, maybe I should have let their dad know they were home alone and asked him to check on them prior to coming to the hospital since he entrusted me with their care. Also, I realize now that it was not reasonable for me to expect small children to be adults and know what to do in an emergency and arrange their own childcare"). This woman has zero remorse, and completely blames anyone and everyone else for her choices.

Quoting leegirl_jm: I don’t have enough information to judge the individuals in this situation. I can only say the incident that caused one child to end up in the hospital was the root of the estrangement, rightly or wrongly.

Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: As I said I am not buying that story, that the police would have arrested the SM under the circumstances, I would expect them to arrest the father who was the responsible parent at the time since both SM and the father were at the hospital.

I thought the father was arrested for the beating of his child.

Whatever the facts, if both SM and the father were convicted of something, I can understand the resulting estrangement with who they blamed.


Quoting sheramom4:

Quoting leegirl_jm: Shrugs, SM’s spouse didn’t cause her arrest and conviction, BM did and the step children were a factor, so she would choose to be estranged from his children, I didn’t see where her husband had her arrested and one of the stepchildren did assault her child.

For the Dad’s arrest and conviction, as he beat one of his children, that would cause him to be estranged from them since his crImimal record had to do with them and their mother.


Quoting soonergirl980: Yeah but the logical estrangement should between the spouses not the parent/child

Quoting leegirl_jm:

The story doesn't add up however if arrest and convictions were involved then obviously estrangement would occur in the relationships.

Quoting jpickens: If that wasn’t a troll, I take what she was convicted of with a grain of salt based on her overall behavior.

Who knows why she really got convicted or what really happened.


Quoting leegirl_jm: I think being convicted of something is pretty bad, so I can understand the SM’s actions going forward. I know people who panic if their child spill blood, it was an unfortunate situation could have been handled better.

Quoting jpickens: No one said the child deserved to be smashed in the face with a book. It doesn’t mean the SM’s behavior was justified and I hope she is a troll.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Seems like a troll post to me. I see no mention of her daughter's age but seems to have been a young child as well, what determines when a child deserves to be smashed about in retaliation, is it a specific age or is it just because she is the SM's child?

How did BM cause SM's arrest or conviction? SM was arrested by the police after someone found the six year old wandering around outside. BM was nowhere near the incident and didn't know her kids were home alone. Sm caused SM's arrest and conviction. Dad was charged with the neglect because the SM fully admits that she called to have him meet her at the hospital and assumed the stepkids had called someone to come supervise them. 

SM was essentially the babysitter or nanny. If a babysitter or nanny leaves kids home alone and one gets out they are arrested. Dad didn't know his kids were home alone, he was at work. If you were to hire someone who then left your kids home alone, you wuldn't be charged. The irresponsible party would be. 

The father was arrested for beating the middle child with a belt. Although he was not convicted, he was granted supervised only visits without SM or her child around. 

Either way, this was not on mom or the kids and the OP of the post blames BM and her children for both arrests and the supervised visits. The BM doesn't sound like a bad mom. It actually sounds like she tried for a long time but did what most parents would do and protected her kids. 

And let's not forget the the OP's child had been assaulting the stepkids for months before this incident. 

If dad were a good dad he would have kicked SM out. He chose a woman over his children. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2018 at 12:40 PM
The incidents, the assault between the kids and Dad beating his child along with their arrests were the root of the estrangement. Dad and SM were still seeing the kids with all their bad parenting so those incidents are what directly stopped them seeing them.

It is 20 years, SM was convicted so her remorse or lack of is irrelevant as she is very much in contact with her child. Dad is the one who hasn’t seen his kids.
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