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My co worker helped put things in proscective by accident LOL

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So I have been complaining on here how my SD19 is driving me crazy...Does nothing, contributes nothing, does not go to school.  All in all, just counting the days till she is out of my house.  Anyway, I have two co-workers with kids who have done what they are suppose to do. That being work, go to college and do well.  Well their kids went to Rutgers and Columbia both with a costly prices tag.  One co worker went on to say that between her two sons there are about $250K in student loans to pay.  She has told her boys that she would pay 1/2 the loans back.  Well with my little dunce, still in her 6th year of high school I don't have to worry about something like this...Look at all the money she has saved me and DH!!! Now the fact that we are still supporting her does not seem so bad....All in the prospective!!!

by on Feb. 7, 2018 at 7:03 PM
Replies (21-22):
by Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 6:07 PM

I agree.  She needs to learn for herself what the real world is like. 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would go with tough love, seems the plan to move out is the way to go, maybe some life experience will get her back on track.

Quoting jad1027:

100% agreed, but when you give them all the tools to launch and they don't what can you do?

Quoting leegirl_jm: Not nice but that is a positive perspective :) That said, it is easier or more pleasant to pay for the school fees than to deal with an adult kid who fails to launch.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 6:17 PM

Sweetheart-when I have time to kill-I will sit down and tell you the 11yrs of HELL my sd16 put me and her father through.

You will realize I know where you are right now. I HAVE BEEN THERE.

i even have the shirt to prove it.

public/private school isn't for everybody.

maybe online/home schooling would work or a trade school

this girl has to be taught and it sounds like she needs help but its apparent you nor her parents are able or willing to learn how to help her.

Therapy can be the greatest gift for any family. or peson.

You should try a therapist that knows how to handle stepfamilies-because i'm telling you if you got the right therapist to help with your situation-you will be amazed at how your life can change.

Even if its just YOU going. They can help guide you into being a better stepmom.

I've done personal therapy-I've joined SM groups-like this can be a huge help.

And I wish some of the older members were still around to help because I know your heart is in the right place-I just wish the rest of you could get on board.

Quoting jad1027:

Oh I agree you can always attend school.  If that is where your head is at.  But after three different high schools, countly tutors and now night school, she still does not go.  She should be in night school right now but is not.

And we have tried therapy, individally and as a family.  If someone repeatly disrespected you and your home, would you not have ill feelings for them?  SD or anyone else? 

Is and talk things out?  Every few months for the last 7 years since DH got custody.

Quoting Tigress22304:

She can still attend college ya know. I have an aunt who's in her 40s and she just went to get yet another degree.

May I recommend perhaps therapy for you. This is a legal adult living in your home. You obviously have ill feelings towards this woman and it's not healthy.

In other words-LET IT GO ELSA. Try to think of some positive things about her-or perhaps you and her dad and her can sit and talk about goals...short term and long term and see if you could help nudge things along.

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