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I have been her step mom for almost 3 yrs and have been in her life for 5 yrs.  She lives with me and her BM is not teaching her any responsibility what so ever.  She goes to her BM's house Mon, Wed and Fri after school and stays over night every other weekend.  My biological child is 8 son and 3 daughter.  My son can do more than my SD, regarding chores and helping me all the time with almost everything.  I am trying to teach SD to do her own laundry and again she is in the 4th grade will be 10 yrs old May.  

My question is, how many people out there make their 4th graders do chores and what are they??  

by on Feb. 8, 2018 at 10:58 AM
Replies (21-23):
themightymrs.C
by Member on Feb. 9, 2018 at 9:50 PM
Her dad is doing her no favors

Quoting MindReader:

LOL.

My sd is in 5th grade and won't even get herself a glass of water. She doesn't even close the drawers on her dresser after taking her clothes out, let alone do her own laundry. Her single chore is to help dh clear the table after dinner. Rarely she has volunteered to help with other things. She JUST started brushing her own hair. 

I would let your dh deal with it. If he wants to assign her chores he can. Some parents don't believe children should have chores and her mom and your dh have the right to make that choice for their child.

My kids had a lot of chores and by 10 were helping with laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. Honestly, I was raised more like sd. Shrug. I am a fully capable adult now.

Either way, it is on your dh and bm as to whether their sd grows up with a good work ethic, etc. not you.

MindReader
by Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 9:52 AM

Mine or the OPs? Or both?

Shrug. Their kids, their choice. As long as he doesn't expect me to clean up after her.

Like I said, I was raised with zero chores. I didn't even have to keep my bedroom clean (and I didn't), as long as it didn't overflow into the hallway. I am now an ultra neat borderline OCD person with great work ethic, etc.

My parents felt that my job was to study and do well in school and be a kid. 

My kids had lots of chores, but also had lots of time. Sd is in a lot of after school activities, has a lot of homework, and is only with us half-time. In the scheme of things, dh has other priorities for sd. His kid, his choice.

Either way can work, as long as it's not extreme in either direction.


Quoting themightymrs.C: Her dad is doing her no favors

Quoting MindReader:

LOL.

My sd is in 5th grade and won't even get herself a glass of water. She doesn't even close the drawers on her dresser after taking her clothes out, let alone do her own laundry. Her single chore is to help dh clear the table after dinner. Rarely she has volunteered to help with other things. She JUST started brushing her own hair. 

I would let your dh deal with it. If he wants to assign her chores he can. Some parents don't believe children should have chores and her mom and your dh have the right to make that choice for their child.

My kids had a lot of chores and by 10 were helping with laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. Honestly, I was raised more like sd. Shrug. I am a fully capable adult now.

Either way, it is on your dh and bm as to whether their sd grows up with a good work ethic, etc. not you.


coala
by on Feb. 10, 2018 at 10:50 AM

At 9 my kids started washing dishes 2 days a week, they clean their rooms, pick up their bathroom, sweep, vacuum, sort laundry, fold laundry, put the laundry away, put the the groceries away, collect and take out the trash and recycling (to the can and to the road), feed and water the cats, and whatever else I ask them to do.  At the age of 10 they start washing dishes 3 days a week.  I have a list of paid chores as well, but all the chores above are unpaid and we call them responsibilities.

My ODD is approaching her 12th birthday and can also start a load of laundry on her own and see it all the way to the end (folded and put away).  She actually started a load this morning when she got up because she wanted to wear something tomorrow that wasn't clean.


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