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What should I do?

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2018 at 6:48 PM
  • 11 Replies
First I would like to thank all the people who post here. It is comforting and nice to be allowed to vent and also get advice when u ask for it. This site has been an encouragement at times. On that note...
My situation...I am stepmom38 to 2 SS11 and married for 5 years now. When I got married to DH39 we talked about if I wanted to have a baby myself. I told him that the doctors told me I could not have babies due to premature menopause diagnosis. He understood and said it was no problem because he didn’t want anymore kids. So it worked out. It has worked out (until recently) that I help take care of the boys. Lately I have been doing “way too much” DH says so I have taken a step back as good advice from this good site. It’s getting better. I don’t do as much anymore even though I crave too. I use to cook, clean, iron, laundry, help with homework, and work. Now I just mainly work. DH says he feels he need to do things for the boys himself. I understand really but didn’t know that means to be shut out. It’s getting a little better tho. I do little things and not to much so I can stay engaged into the family. New thing now is..., I started feeling sick lots lately. DH says I only feel sick when I try to get away from him being mad at me. I really was feeling sick and not “trying to get attention”. I told him that I needed to go to the store to get something. He asked for what and wasn’t satisfied until I told him that I think I need to get a preg test. He says that I didn’t need it because dr say I could not have kids. (He was at the dr appt with me when I had to go again the first year of our marriage) . So I didn’t go. Days later I’m still feeling off so while I was at work at the hospital I bought a preg test. To some miracle it came back POSITIVE! It can’t believe it so I did it again. Same result! I went home still feeling sick and rested the rest of the day. That night we were all out grocery shopping so I told DH that I was going to get a preg test while we were there. I told him I was still feeling weird and sick and wanted to rule it out with him. He says I didn’t need it. He says it’s impossible for me to have kids and the boys are glad that it’s just us so no need to spend money on an expensive test. I was sad. What do I do? I’m having pains and nausea and dizziness so I made an appt to see the dr soon. It wud be nice if DH was with me to see if I am still Prego or to comfort me if I am actually miscarriage. How do I tell DH who doesn’t want any kids that I think I’m pregnant? I don’t want to boys to be mad either. They already have a half brother3 on their mom side and “doesn’t like it”. This is going to change so many things..but to me it’s a Miracle from God. Why do I feel so confused? If a friend came to me and told me these things I know what I would tell her. Why can’t I do that for me now? What should I do? How should I tell him?
by on Apr. 17, 2018 at 6:48 PM
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by New Member on Apr. 17, 2018 at 7:20 PM

Say, "I'm pregnant."

If he is a big boy, he'll be able to figuer out how to handle it.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2018 at 10:41 PM
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I will tell you what i think but you probably won't like it or do it. I think your ex has all the signs of being an abusive narcissist and you should get away before he knows you're pregnant. I shutter at the thought of the things he may say or do to you when he finds out. I hope you have employment and a strong network of friends and family to fall back on. I hope he hasn't isolated you and that you have a way out when you are ready.
by Member on Apr. 18, 2018 at 7:19 AM
Thank you for being honest. He is my husband now tho not my ex.
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2018 at 7:50 AM
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I think you should just come out w/it and tell him you took a pregnancy test at work and it was positive. He needs to understand you wouldn’t be the first person who was told they couldn’t have kids and ended up pregnant. Good luck w/everything!
by on Apr. 19, 2018 at 12:48 AM
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I’m glad you made an appointment with your doctor. That was a very wise thing to do. :) Have you considered talking to your husband, telling him you took a pregnancy test at work and it came back positive,that you haven’t felt well and are worried that you’ve miscarried, and that you would like his support at your doctor’s appointment? I’ll be praying for you <3 this week and for your husband. Please keep us posted!
by Platinum Member on Apr. 19, 2018 at 1:10 AM
You shouldn't tell him unless positive.
by Member on Apr. 19, 2018 at 10:10 AM
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Don't tell him until you are positive of the answer.  I know you want him at the doctor with you but you have to go alone or with a friend.  IF you are pregnant then make sure you have family or friends to fall back on in case he's an ass.  

by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2018 at 5:10 PM

Go to your family doctor or your OBGYN and get pregnancy test. 

When you get the results, tell your husband, "Doctor XYZ did a pregancy test on me.  I am pregnant.  The due date is..."

by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2018 at 6:45 PM
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I wish you luck I hope you are pregnant. If he’s not happy then raise the child without him.

Btw premature menopause does not mean you can’t get preg. It may be much harder. If you want a baby you xan still explore fertility options with or without your husband. There are also ways you may be able to lower your FSH level.

I hope you are pregnant. Good luck.
by on Apr. 19, 2018 at 10:29 PM

I'm sorry you are in this position.  I can't imagine how hard it must be and confusing as well.  Please take good care of yourself, especially if you are pregnant.  This is something he will have to get on board with, so will the rest of the family.  I'm praying their hearts are softened to the idea of the pregnancy and you'll be able to relax and actually enjoy the pregnancy.  Best wishes to you Momma ; )

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