This Labor Day, right when my DH was getting ready to take the kids to see his father in the hospice of a nursing home, we realized his car had been ....repossessed.
I am beside myself. It's not that the whole process and getting the car back was a pain -which it was- plus expensive - it's that I can't believe he let it get this bad.
And the most infuriating aspect of this is - we HAD the money to pay the bill all along.
One mistake is one thing, but a pattern is a bad thing. I told him not long ago that if he didn't keep up his payments, this would happen. He'd already gotten the notice and asked me to pay online...then watched me submit payment online, and remembers watching me do it. According to the bank, it didn't post and a rep said commonly people forget to hit 'submit'. So now he's blaming me!
I've paid it a couple times for him before online. So I know how to do it. I think this was a computer error. But that doesn't erase the fact that when I did pay this for him, he was already MONTHS behind.
In the 13 years we've been together, I've taken over the bills maybe 3 times. I didn't like doing it because he doesn't balance his checkbook so paying things is difficult when you don't know what's in your account. When I addressed this to him, he'd say you can check it at the ATM (this before we had it online). I've always been tied up with kids, it's not convenient to run to the bank just to check our balance. And it's STUPID because what if there is an electronic error or something didn't post yet...you have no balance of your own to check against.
I was raised by an extremely frugal father. My parents had grown up during the Depression and my dad was a WWII vet, who's father died when he was 19 and he had to help his mom with the other 5 kids. He himself had 6 kids, and we all went to college. I would be ashamed if he were alive today, to know how we've handled our finances.
I ashamed I haven't just taken over the bills completely knowing that my DH is lazy with bill paying. I told him recently, because he's focused on work so much, "You can't just work...you have to pay the bills".
I'm frustrated and frankly, this scares me.
I know I can take over, knuckle down, and get a handle on balancing our checkbook and keeping track. It's just hard with the babies I have now, but I have to stay up late a few nights a week and do it, until I can get to one night a week checking in with the bills. My DH, he won't even open his mail, even when I hand it to him. And here he was, blaming me for not leaving two toddlers alone just to go to the mailbox most days when he can grab it getting out of his car after work!
I blame him but I know I'm partially responsible. I do have an excuse for myself though, that I feel like I'm doing everything else to keep this house together! Got 3 kids, 4 pets, and very little outside help. My DH just wants to work, come home, eat dinner and go to bed. He helps, does a lot than some men actually, but doesn't realize how much work we have to do until he's sitting there with the laptop before our work is done. Most child rearing decisions - like dealing with our tween or potty training for our 2-1/2 yr old, or anger management for our 18 mo. old - he leaves to me, with a shrug of his shoulders.
I'm ticked too, that now I have to assume another responsibility.
I also feel for him, because his father is in level 2 hospice in a nursing home. He lost his mother 2 years ago, as well as I lost both my elderly parents in 2008 so I understand how it feels.
But, this is kind of how he's always been, just worse.
Since he'd rather stick his head in the sand about the finances, you will have to take over if you want them done properly. I'd strongly suggest getting money management software to help you. I use Money Sunset (free download) and it saves me a LOT of time and headache, even when I'm distracted by family stresses. Sign up for online banking with your bank if you haven't done so already, and take the checkbook away from him (or else get duplicate checks so you can SEE what he's doing with it.)
Sorry, but your excuses below don't fly with me. I have FIVE kids (the last 3 are 3 years apart TOTAL), 3 dogs, 4 cats, 2 horses, a rabbit, a bird, 3 large gardens, and in the summer we have 100+ chickens, and I still manage to take care of all those plus a blind mother that doesn't live with us. I cook all three meals from scratch and homeschool, too, along with managing and being a mod for groups here on CM. (No, I'm not Superwoman) My DH works a lot of 12 hour days and weekends. He doesn't have time to take care of the outside responsibilities like a 2 acre lawn or garden. He doesn't come home and clean the house or get the mail or do all the barn chores. When he IS home, his butt is in a chair and he's watching TV. I can choose to take on the responsibilities, or I can watch our home and family crash and burn. It's not fair, and I KNOW it's not easy, but that's life. You need to search for tools to help you, like the money management software, or Flylady techniques to help you find a more efficient routine.
Quote:I do have an excuse for myself though, that I feel like I'm doing everything else to keep this house together! Got 3 kids, 4 pets, and very little outside help. My DH just wants to work, come home, eat dinner and go to bed. He helps, does a lot than some men actually, but doesn't realize how much work we have to do until he's sitting there with the laptop before our work is done. Most child rearing decisions - like dealing with our tween or potty training for our 2-1/2 yr old, or anger management for our 18 mo. old - he leaves to me, with a shrug of his shoulders.
I'm ticked too, that now I have to assume another responsibility.
~hugs~ and good luck!
Just to add: you can do it. It won't be easy but once you start it will get a lot easier.
We all have the same bills, responsibilities in life. An honest approach is all in the attitude. Get up early, get things done before the little ones awake for the day...set a schedule...I am not a fan of Dr. Phil, but one thing he does say that makes sense to me is that if your husband is gone 12 hours a day, then you have 12 hours to get the house, yard,etc in order. If things are done everyday then it is not near so overwhelming..I am an organizer and a list maker...for years I worked 3rd shift in a factory and still never missed a ballgame, banquet,etc for my kids.and we didn't have a sitter...You just have to get up and do it...sleep deprived...yes I was....but in the end, the bills were paid, food on the table (from scratch, we don't do fast food nor boxed food), laundry done,You CAN do it....you seem very smart...you will get it...keep us informed.
That sucks. Hopefully yopu can get it back soon.
Me and my husband handle bills together. We pay almost all of them in cash at the bill pay place at Walmart. When the bills come I put them in my wallet, then on pay day we go down and pay all the bills first thing out of his check, figure out what bills we need to pay else where and then what we have have left. Two bills come out automaticly out of our account. This way we both know what we have to pay and what we have for money. On rare occasions we have missed one or two
I check the mail daily with the three kids and open all the mail myself since my husband wont(other than birthday cards for him and stuff like that) My husband helps with the kids some but I handle the three kids most of the time, all house hold chores, most of the chores outside the house, the 2 dogs, the cat and most of the care of the fish and anything else that comes up. It can be overwhelming but you have to find a routine that works for you.
Monthly expenses
- buttersworth
on Sep. 6, 2012 at 3:18 AM