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Consequence for kids marking more chores than what was done?

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:53 PM
  • 7 Replies

Twice this weeks my 5 (almost 6) year old has marked her chore chart for more chores than what she's actually done. We total up what she earns at the end of each day. Is it fair to completely take away her earnings from the week because she's basically cheating the system (even though I know what she made for that day)? 

by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:53 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Blestmomof3
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:55 PM

I would make her do the chores she marked and then add a couple extra that she doesnt get anything for.

AllofFive19
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:58 PM

That's a good one. 

Quoting Blestmomof3:

I would make her do the chores she marked and then add a couple extra that she doesnt get anything for.


FindersKeepers
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:04 AM

Cheating and lying are not acceptable behaviors, but it is normal for her age to discover a 'smart' way to get more by doing less. 

If this is a first offense, I would just talk to her.  Give her the amount of money for the things she did, but no money for the things she did not do.  I would explain how what she did was lying and why it is not okay.   When my kids went through their lying phases, I would not believe ANYTHING they said.  They did not like not being trusted and corrected the behavior relatively quickly.   Since chores are marked by and honor system, she has to be honest for the system to work.  

AllofFive19
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:13 AM

I actually did that the first time she marked her board. She's messed with her board before (scribbling on it, and erasing marks that were there) and we talked about how that is not appropriate behavior, and this board is how she gets her commission, and if the board is messed up, then she may not get the commission she deserves for her chores.

I've also confronted her about lying and cheating several times this year (on other instances) and spoke with her the first time she marked her board. I told her that marking chores that she didn't do is wrong, that if she wants more money, than she needs to work with me on doing more chores. I always tell my kids that I will work with them.

I also told her that marking more chores may lead to all of them being erased. 

They get commission tomorrow evening, so I'm debating on what I'm going to do for a consequence tonight.

When I talked to her tonight she told me that I feel mad because she marked her board, and that she would feel sad if she didn't get commission.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Cheating and lying are not acceptable behaviors, but it is normal for her age to discover a 'smart' way to get more by doing less. 

If this is a first offense, I would just talk to her.  Give her the amount of money for the things she did, but no money for the things she did not do.  I would explain how what she did was lying and why it is not okay.   When my kids went through their lying phases, I would not believe ANYTHING they said.  They did not like not being trusted and corrected the behavior relatively quickly.   Since chores are marked by and honor system, she has to be honest for the system to work.  


FindersKeepers
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:41 AM

Ohhh.... I am a big believer in doing what you say you are going to do so that kids understand and can expect the consequences of their behavior.   Since you already told her that she would not get money if she did it again, then I think you should do that.   If you pay her without punishment, she will learn nothing. 

I would not count the points I know were not done plus take away one point for each one she lied about as punishment.   So if she had 10 marks but 2 do not count due to not being done, I would take away 2 more for being dishonest.   So she would get paid for 6 marks.  


Quoting AllofFive19:

I actually did that the first time she marked her board. She's messed with her board before (scribbling on it, and erasing marks that were there) and we talked about how that is not appropriate behavior, and this board is how she gets her commission, and if the board is messed up, then she may not get the commission she deserves for her chores.

I've also confronted her about lying and cheating several times this year (on other instances) and spoke with her the first time she marked her board. I told her that marking chores that she didn't do is wrong, that if she wants more money, than she needs to work with me on doing more chores. I always tell my kids that I will work with them.

I also told her that marking more chores may lead to all of them being erased. 

They get commission tomorrow evening, so I'm debating on what I'm going to do for a consequence tonight.

When I talked to her tonight she told me that I feel mad because she marked her board, and that she would feel sad if she didn't get commission.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Cheating and lying are not acceptable behaviors, but it is normal for her age to discover a 'smart' way to get more by doing less. 

If this is a first offense, I would just talk to her.  Give her the amount of money for the things she did, but no money for the things she did not do.  I would explain how what she did was lying and why it is not okay.   When my kids went through their lying phases, I would not believe ANYTHING they said.  They did not like not being trusted and corrected the behavior relatively quickly.   Since chores are marked by and honor system, she has to be honest for the system to work.  



 

AllofFive19
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 12:54 AM

I said "may" not "would", but I think she should get paid less. She had 18 legit marks. I don't remember how many marks she said that she had.

I may also pair down her chore list to where she only has 5 chores she's paid for. As it stands now she has 10. She started out with 2 and asked for more as time went on. For the most part she is a fairly responsible 5 year old. Until the past two weeks, she has earned more money than her two older brothers.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Ohhh.... I am a big believer in doing what you say you are going to do so that kids understand and can expect the consequences of their behavior.   Since you already told her that she would not get money if she did it again, then I think you should do that.   If you pay her without punishment, she will learn nothing. 

I would not count the points I know were not done plus take away one point for each one she lied about as punishment.   So if she had 10 marks but 2 do not count due to not being done, I would take away 2 more for being dishonest.   So she would get paid for 6 marks.  


Quoting AllofFive19:

I actually did that the first time she marked her board. She's messed with her board before (scribbling on it, and erasing marks that were there) and we talked about how that is not appropriate behavior, and this board is how she gets her commission, and if the board is messed up, then she may not get the commission she deserves for her chores.

I've also confronted her about lying and cheating several times this year (on other instances) and spoke with her the first time she marked her board. I told her that marking chores that she didn't do is wrong, that if she wants more money, than she needs to work with me on doing more chores. I always tell my kids that I will work with them.

I also told her that marking more chores may lead to all of them being erased. 

They get commission tomorrow evening, so I'm debating on what I'm going to do for a consequence tonight.

When I talked to her tonight she told me that I feel mad because she marked her board, and that she would feel sad if she didn't get commission.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Cheating and lying are not acceptable behaviors, but it is normal for her age to discover a 'smart' way to get more by doing less. 

If this is a first offense, I would just talk to her.  Give her the amount of money for the things she did, but no money for the things she did not do.  I would explain how what she did was lying and why it is not okay.   When my kids went through their lying phases, I would not believe ANYTHING they said.  They did not like not being trusted and corrected the behavior relatively quickly.   Since chores are marked by and honor system, she has to be honest for the system to work.  





FindersKeepers
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:36 AM

 Sounds like a good kid and a good plan.   What she did was dishonest, but totally age appropriate and really pretty smart.   Seems like a good teaching moment to encourage her to put her smarts to better use next time.

=)


Quoting AllofFive19:

I said "may" not "would", but I think she should get paid less. She had 18 legit marks. I don't remember how many marks she said that she had.

I may also pair down her chore list to where she only has 5 chores she's paid for. As it stands now she has 10. She started out with 2 and asked for more as time went on. For the most part she is a fairly responsible 5 year old. Until the past two weeks, she has earned more money than her two older brothers.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Ohhh.... I am a big believer in doing what you say you are going to do so that kids understand and can expect the consequences of their behavior.   Since you already told her that she would not get money if she did it again, then I think you should do that.   If you pay her without punishment, she will learn nothing. 

I would not count the points I know were not done plus take away one point for each one she lied about as punishment.   So if she had 10 marks but 2 do not count due to not being done, I would take away 2 more for being dishonest.   So she would get paid for 6 marks.  

 

Quoting AllofFive19:

I actually did that the first time she marked her board. She's messed with her board before (scribbling on it, and erasing marks that were there) and we talked about how that is not appropriate behavior, and this board is how she gets her commission, and if the board is messed up, then she may not get the commission she deserves for her chores.

I've also confronted her about lying and cheating several times this year (on other instances) and spoke with her the first time she marked her board. I told her that marking chores that she didn't do is wrong, that if she wants more money, than she needs to work with me on doing more chores. I always tell my kids that I will work with them.

I also told her that marking more chores may lead to all of them being erased. 

They get commission tomorrow evening, so I'm debating on what I'm going to do for a consequence tonight.

When I talked to her tonight she told me that I feel mad because she marked her board, and that she would feel sad if she didn't get commission.

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Cheating and lying are not acceptable behaviors, but it is normal for her age to discover a 'smart' way to get more by doing less. 

If this is a first offense, I would just talk to her.  Give her the amount of money for the things she did, but no money for the things she did not do.  I would explain how what she did was lying and why it is not okay.   When my kids went through their lying phases, I would not believe ANYTHING they said.  They did not like not being trusted and corrected the behavior relatively quickly.   Since chores are marked by and honor system, she has to be honest for the system to work.  


 

 



 

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