Should You Go on a Wife Strike?
The extreme step one woman took could help you avoid divorce and rebalance your relationship.
By Nicole Yorio
After 13 years of being her family's cook, maid, and chauffeur (you
know, in addition to her full-time job), Sherri Mills was seething. But
instead of freaking out — or walking out — she went on strike! And for
Mills, the author of the new book I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went on Strike Instead, it had a big payoff:
How did you get to that point?
When
I first got married, I didn't mind being the one to clean and cook. But
once we had two kids, I needed help. I'd ask my husband, Gerald, to do
the dishes or fold the laundry, and he would say yes but would never do
it. The resentment got worse every year. Finally, I snapped. I was
fixing dinner, and I asked our two kids, then 11 and 12, to run down the
street and pick up an ingredient. They came back empty-handed. I was
angry, but Gerald defended them. That was it. I announced, "Not only am I
not cooking dinner, but I am officially on strike."
How did you think up the idea?
I considered divorce — I was that
unhappy — but I didn't want to put our family through that. Gerald
works at a factory and he handles union contracts. I read one of his
contracts and wrote one for myself modeled after it. I made a list of 70
chores that I did regularly and demanded that he check off 35 that he
would take over. I listed other terms too, like, "When the female
householder is ill, all duties will be taken over by the male."
And how did he react?
That
first night, he cooked dinner — the first time in 13 years! I think he
wanted to prove that it was easy. But by night three, he told me I
couldn't force him to take over everything. I stood firm and
said, "No, I can't force you. But I'm not lifting a finger." From then
on, I would eat the dinner he made, leave my plate on the table, and
watch TV as he cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, and helped the kids. It
was hard not to cave, but after two weeks, Gerald said to me, "I'm
exhausted, but I can't complain. You have been doing this for all these
years. We need a change."
How did it affect your marriage?
He
gained a new respect for me, and now I have a husband I don't resent.
Gerald never went back to his old ways — I'll come home from work and
he'll be shining the floors or ironing. I can't believe he's the same
man I married! I read that people who share chores have better sex — and
we're proof: Our sex life is hotter than ever. I used to blame Gerald,
but truthfully, I should never have allowed things to get so bad. My
original contract called for a 50-50 division of chores, but I know that
it won't be that way all the time. It doesn't really matter who does
what, as long as both people are working toward the same goal.
Not Yet and I hope I won't ever have to. We both work outside the home and so not everything gets done everyday, but we enjoy life and take care of our girls. We tend to clean up after each mess so that the house doesn't get to bad and we split the other chores such as cooking, vacuuming, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms. I do the laundry and do most of the cleaning but he alway helps out when I ask:)
This to a point....right now hubby is in school and there is no reason he can't help out. Same with when he's not working. Once he starts working full time again, I will be doing everything, but right now he can pick up his own shit and help out LOL
Quoting betsystipo:There are days when I think it might someday come to that - but I'm also a SAHM at this point, so as much as I hate t hat I do it all sometimes, he works full time and this IS my fulltime job!
The Park Bench!
What do you do with
Is it ok to kill the first? :)
- aneela
on Jul. 6, 2011 at 1:20 PM