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Are parents to blame for gay teen murder?

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 1:47 PM
  • 12 Replies


Parents Are to Blame for Gay Teen Murder

Posted by Jacqueline Burt
on Aug 15, 2011

It's sickening and outrageous how wildly misplaced the blame has been for the murder of 15-year-old Larry King. The openly gay teen was shot twice in the back of the head while sitting in class by his schoolmate, then 14-year-old Brandon McInerney (the most cowardly way to take somebody out ever, by the way), and apparently, it's his own fault. At least that's the twisted logic defense attorneys are relying on: They say McInerney was "pushed to the breaking point" by King's "taunts."

I say McInerney's parents screwed up big time, if their son's reaction to another boy making teasing remarks like "you know you want me" was to kill him. What kind of a childhood did this kid have? Oh, wait ... a really bad one.

McInerney's father, William McInerney, was sentenced for battery against his mother in 2000; he was also accused of shooting her in the elbow several months before Brandon was born (hmm, wonder what part of her body was his actual target?). William died at home in 2009 of "blunt force trauma to the head." The coroner ruled the death as accidental, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was more of an accidental, wink-wink. (Not that I blame the woman.)

When kids grow up in violence and chaos, it's not uncommon for them to gravitate towards strict ideologies that give them some sense of order, however distorted. White supremacist materials, including books and sketches of swastikas, were found in McInerney's bedroom. How tragic that the system of beliefs McInerney chose for himself, in the absence of any parental guidance, was such a violent and hateful one. But then, given his experiences, it's not surprising.

I'm reminded of that old expression: If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. McInerney was raised completely without any sort of moral or ethical code, and this was the result. As parents, we can't take it for granted that our kids will instinctively know right from wrong. My kids are only 10 and 5 years old, and already we've had the "don't ever use the word 'gay' as an insult" conversation. Because before I told them, guess what? They didn't know any better. Somewhere, one of them heard somebody call somebody else "gay" in a derogatory way and mistook the word to be an all-purpose slam like "dumb" or "stupid." As soon as I explained the difference, they understood.

To think how simply the tragic loss of these two young lives could have been prevented.

Do you think McInerney's upbringing is to blame for his crime?

by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 1:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LindaClement
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 2:08 PM

I don't 'blame' anyone other than the shooter for the shooting. Why he thought shooting someone else was the solution to anything... well, that's a whole lifestyle and environment issue that the schools cannot possibly exhonorate themselves from --any more than his mother can. 

I never 'told' my kids to believe anything. I respected their intelligence and their basic humanity enough to expect that with consideration (and conversation about the issues) they'd manage to come up with 'it's stupid to hate people you know one thing about' all by themselves. And, not surprisingly, they did.

It doesn't matter what causes the vacuum of connection and respect in a house: violence, neglect, drug addiction, parents socializing exclusively with other adults while signing kids up for 'whatever' to keep them busy --the effect is the same.

When children grow up with any reason to doubt their parents' love and affection (like, 'cause they never see them, or 'cause 97% of their interactions are being ordered around or being criticized), they reach for anything that will help them ever feel connected and like they belong somewhere.

Obviously, the most available of those places are always the least desirable.

I think what we can't take for granted is that children will raise themselves in the absence of close supervision --including having a very good idea what kinds of people and ideas they're encountering in the course of a day, and what they think about them... all of which takes a lot of time.

bramamber
by Member on Aug. 15, 2011 at 2:09 PM
Wow.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kaelansmom
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 3:13 PM

Hmmm.. the shooter is to blame for the shooting..

but, the parents can be blamed for not paying more attention to what the shooter got a hold of. How did that boy get a gun into the school anyway???

LindaClement
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 3:20 PM

Yup. And, perhaps, why are guns so incredibly easy to get hold of that a 14yo demonstrates it?

Quoting Kaelansmom:

Hmmm.. the shooter is to blame for the shooting..

but, the parents can be blamed for not paying more attention to what the shooter got a hold of. How did that boy get a gun into the school anyway???


Maddies_mom101
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 4:00 PM

violent in the home was ok.... I could see his upbringing playing a huge part  in his crime

armywife1229
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 4:42 PM

Well, his parent's behaviour certainly helped him to think that violence was ok. But, they would have also had to instill that severe sense of hate. While its his fault for shooting his classmate, there are many contributing factors that others are responsible for.

TruthSeeker.
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 6:55 PM

 

Quoting Kaelansmom:

Hmmm.. the shooter is to blame for the shooting..

but, the parents can be blamed for not paying more attention to what the shooter got a hold of. How did that boy get a gun into the school anyway???

    My thoughts exactly.

splatz
by Sarah on Aug. 15, 2011 at 7:57 PM
I'm going to have to agree with this. Its just sad, all around.

Quoting Kaelansmom:

Hmmm.. the shooter is to blame for the shooting..


but, the parents can be blamed for not paying more attention to what the shooter got a hold of. How did that boy get a gun into the school anyway???

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Love060708kids
by on Aug. 15, 2011 at 8:24 PM

Wow that is so sad, I don't have the words.  

LOswald0314
by on Aug. 16, 2011 at 1:44 AM

 I agree, although the blame can only be placed on the person who pulled the trigger, the parents played a role.

Quoting Maddies_mom101:

violent in the home was ok.... I could see his upbringing playing a huge part  in his crime

 

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