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Stay or go?????

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:10 PM
  • 22 Replies

So, my husband and I have been married for nearly three years. We have two kids under two.Our marriage has been rough, hes been unfaithful more than once, selfish, disrepectful and just plain mean. He spent most of our marriage drunk and clubbing. Ignoring me, and our girls. It didnt get better after he deployed, he came back worse. HE asked for a seperation, because he "doesn't want this" "isnt happy" and "its easier to be single" after being apart six months he suddenly wants to try again. He's being sent to Germany in October and want the girls and I to go with him. He says it will be a fresh start, since we will be away from it all and he is going to change. He's been begging for a second chance. Thing is, I dont trust him, I want to, but I dont. I'm unsure about going that far to try with someone who's behaved so badly. I'm so emotionally exhausted. I left school when we married, I've been struggling to find a job that is nearby that I qualify for. He took the car when he left. Then there is daycare and a place to stay. I cant live where I am for much longer. I just dont know what to think.. or what to do.. Thoughts??? please dont bash.

by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovinangels
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:12 PM

He left you without a car?


goddess99
by Michelle on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:29 PM

There is No way I would go. It sounds like he wants you there so he can control you. He'd already be long gone if it were me.

Andeigh
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:29 PM

Honestly, cheating would be a deal breaker in my marriage.  

How do you feel?  Do you want to work things out, or are you done?  I think if you're willing to forgive him, and you want to give it a second chance, you may need some couples therapy to get over your guys issues.  Only you can figure out what you want, and what is best for you and your family.  Good Luck... XOXO

mrsnoble2004
by ♥Arlene♥ on Aug. 21, 2011 at 8:32 PM

Honestly I don't think I would want to move to another country with someone if I didn't know how long I would be with them. And as another poster said, cheating for me is a deal breaker.

KayLundy3
by Member on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:29 PM

Sure did and when I asked him how I was suppose to get things done he said "ask someone" didnt care

Quoting lovinangels:

He left you without a car?



lovinangels
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:35 PM

So what happens if you moved to a different country where you don't know anybody and he does the same thing?

Quoting KayLundy3:

Sure did and when I asked him how I was suppose to get things done he said "ask someone" didnt care

Quoting lovinangels:

He left you without a car?




lovinangels
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:40 PM

You need to understand something. YOU have the power here. He abandoned you and your kids. Most states don't look lightly on that. I don't know what your financial situation is, but if he's military, the first place I'd start would be his CO or a lawyer/judge. The situation he's left you in is unacceptable.

kristy0833
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:43 PM

if you cant get passed it.. dont go... if you cant trust him.. dont go.. he sounds like a ass that only wants you to go so he has a peice of ass while over there

splatz
by Sarah on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:46 PM
Wow.. I don't think I would be able to go. What happens when he decides to do his own thing again overseas? Where you are isolated from your entire support system.

I understand wanting your family together and working out your marriage. But I don't think I could do it.
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USAFamily
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:49 PM

 Honestly (being a mmilitary spouse myself) I would not move to a foreign country in a marriage that I was 100% about. You have already said you don't trust him, so what happens when he cheats, clubs, gets wasted (whatever) and you're a million miles away from any support?

Do you have any family that can help you? Also, you will get child support if you divorce--so that is something to consider. And there is no shame in getting help with public assistance, when you really need it.

Ultimately, listen to your gut (not your heart!!!) and do what you think is going to be best for you, and the kids.

I also think you should check this group out (it's Cafemom sponsored). It's a military family group and I'm sure you will find a lot of ladies there who can relate. ((HUGS))

http://www.cafemom.com/group/107984/forums/199659/Lets_Talk_Click_here_to_see_more_posts?next=21

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