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What would you do if you were me-need advice badly-PIOG

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:43 PM
  • 9 Replies

So I have three sisters, one of whom is 5 yrs younger than me and blames me for everything that is wrong in her life, even though most of that is outside my control.  We didn't have a blow up or argument or anything, she just refuses to talk to me or acknowledge my kids even though she is an aunt to her other niece and nephew.  I asked her once why she treated me this way and she blamed me for her being in therapy, which btw has nothing to do with me, I don't even know the reasons why she is in therapy in the first place bc no one in the family tells me anything.  She says I treat my parents badly bc they blame everything on me and my disorder, I am the black sheep in the family and have always been treated this way so I am kind of used to it.  The problem is I just found out from my older sister, that my youngest sister is now pregnant and expecting a child in May.  I always told myself that bc of the way she has disowned me and my family, I would not acknowledge children that she may have.  I think she is the most selfish person I know, someone who IMO should never have children bc she is too spoiled and self centered to take care of anyone but herself, it has always been about Laura.  What other people could do for her, not how she can help anyone else.  I have been told by a close friend of minne to at least send a card and be the "bigger person" but I don't feel anything for my sister or this child she is expecting bc she basically cut me out of her life when she turned 18 and moved away to go to college, she is now almost 29 and nothing has changed between us.  She doesn't call or email, she doesn't bother with me or my family, so why should I care?  I am struggling with this but I am one of those people who wears her heart and emotions on her sleeve, I have a horrible poker face, what I truly feel shows.  I can't just fake excitement and happiness for her, not when she's treated me and my family so horribly.  Idk what to do and I am hoping some of you have been through a similar situation.  My friend says at least send a card and be the "bigger person" bc things can't go any worse than they already are and this way it makes her look like an ass since she didn't come to any of my children's baby showers, never sent birthday cards and with the exception of two checks last christmas which I suspect she was guilted into by my mother, she's never sent gifts or anything.  A card would be nice,I  honestly am one of those people that believes in the thought that counts theory so I have no problems with people just sending cards if they can't afford presents.  We've been living in az for the past 5 yrs and not once has she come to visit, while both of my other sisters while they are busy with work and families have made the time and taken the effort to come out at least once to see their niece and nephew.  It's like we don't exist to her and we are totally off her radar.  Idk why but this whole situation pisses me off.  Help me please, thanks.

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-9):
goddess99
by Michelle on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:49 PM

If it were me I might wait til the baby is born and send him/her a gift. But that's it. I wouldn't send the sister anything, just the baby.

monkeymamma72
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:55 PM

Wow, that's a tough one, but I think first and foremost should be the child.  You could build a relationship with the child if she allows it (ugh....hate to say that), and show her things you think are good (don't really know how to say it).  Like you said you don't think your sister should have children....well...maybe you could show her some good things about life, rather than things you might consider "nasty" from your sister????

You could just send a card/gift and see what happens from there?

Maybe more interaction with your sister (with the child as a means of initiating contact) would help you patch up your relationship???

You also might want to think about the future of the child.  Suppose you saw the child all the time and you built a great relationship and then you and your sister have a falling out and she doesn't allow you to see the child?  The child (and YOU) would be very hurt.

I dunno.....maybe I'm just babbling nonsense, but it's just some things that came to mind.

splatz
by Sarah on Sep. 14, 2011 at 8:07 PM
This. Or send her a congratulations card now.

Quoting goddess99:

If it were me I might wait til the baby is born and send him/her a gift. But that's it. I wouldn't send the sister anything, just the baby.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
goddess99
by Michelle on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:01 PM

Bump

mrsnoble2004
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:17 PM

given the relationships I have with my own sisters or lack there of I'm not in a position to offer advice. So Bump

USAFamily
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:18 PM

 Holy judgement Batman!! I'm sorry, and this may not be what you want to hear, but everything you wrote is loaded with so much judgement-- I probably wouldn't want a relationship with you either. Part of you sounds like you don't want a relationship with your sister anyway, and if that's the case, don't.

but if you want to have some kind of common ground, you're going to have to leave the judgemental baggage at the door, and talk to her like a person. Don't bring up any flaws you may feel she has and and issues you have with her and just tell her you want to be friends and build from it.

Good luck!

dizzy77702
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:28 PM
I have tried the let's just be friends route with her before but it hasn't worked. She continues to judge me and blame me for all the family's problems. If I have a fight with my mother I am instantly the guilty party. I get accused of everything. It's Been that way my whole life. So maybe I am judging her but only based on her actions and as her failure to act as an aunt in the past and present. But if I am judging it's only bc she's done the same to me. I am just the "crazy" sister. I may be bipolar but she has her own issues and she doesn't deal with them. At least I take care of myself and don't blame others for all my problems.
goddess99
by Michelle on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:38 PM

just reading

USAFamily
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:10 PM

 I agree with you. This is the biggest reason you should probably not have a relationship with her- or worry about it. I am guessing that she isn't overly concerned with the relationship, or lack there of, with you.

Quoting dizzy77702:

I have tried the let's just be friends route with her before but it hasn't worked. She continues to judge me and blame me for all the family's problems. If I have a fight with my mother I am instantly the guilty party. I get accused of everything. It's Been that way my whole life. So maybe I am judging her but only based on her actions and as her failure to act as an aunt in the past and present. But if I am judging it's only bc she's done the same to me. I am just the "crazy" sister. I may be bipolar but she has her own issues and she doesn't deal with them. At least I take care of myself and don't blame others for all my problems.

 

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