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My Child's Father...anyone gone through this?

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So my exH (we divorced in 2007) called today about visitation for DD (7yo).  Back story:  We have lived in Georgia all our lives until this past Feb.  I married a Navy guy (from our hometown) in December and moved with him to San Diego in February.  DD has seen her bio-dad twice since we moved.  Once for two weeks in May and for a week and a half in June/July.  He is very immature (even though he is 31) and has 5 children by 5 different women (including me and mine).  He only claims and pays child support for 2 and the most recent baby he lives with and is married to his mother.  For two years, he has owed me hundreds of dollars in medical costs (according to our divorce papers, we split all medical costs/insurance premiums for DD) and owes $5,000 to me in back child support (I do receive current CS).  When we lived in GA, he picked up DD almost every day after school until he decided to get a gf (his wife now) and he moved to SC (three hours away from us) in October.  He was well-informed of our upcoming move cross-country and still chose to move three hours away, no job and complained when his mother wouldn't take DD to see him on his visitation (my ex-in-laws got visitation every other weekend when exH was unavailable - no problem with me b/c we get along great).  So it's been 7 months since we moved to San Diego and I can count on one hand how many times he has called DD.  She cries for him every month or so.  I make sure now that she calls him every few days to ease her mind.  His grandmother recently died and I made sure DD called him several times that week to check on him, thinking she would cheer him up.  Well, yesterday, exH's mother makes a $600 deposit in my checking account back home to go towards what he owes me for DD's medical out-of-pocket expenses.  She told me that she used the money she got from the deceased grandmother's will to pay her 31 yo son's bill.  SAD!  So now he owes me $160 reimbursement for DD's medical costs plus $5,000 back child support.  When he called today, we discussed dates on when he will get DD (her entire fall break in November and Christmas Day to New Year's).  I asked who would be coming to get DD and how would he like to work out the money split.  He said his dad would fly in to get DD and that I could fly to SC/GA to bring DD back to CA.  Our divorce papers state that if either parent moves more than 50 miles away from the county in which we married/divorced, we shall meet halfway or split travel costs.  I proposed to him the following:  How about you pay for round-trip tickets and when I receive copies of the receipts, I pay half of those expenses toward the back child support.  He didn't like my proposal.  His tone changed and he hung up the phone.  He began texting me (b/c he likes to hide behind a text message when he wants to get mean) obscene things and accusing me of keeping "his" daughter from him.  I told him he had all summer to make arrangements with me for more visitation yet he never called.  He curses at me and calls me names (something he would never do in person or even talking on the phone - unless he was about to hang up).  I never used curse words and was nice and polite the entire time.  I told him that he could leave the curse words for someone else.  I told him that I didn't understand what the problem was because I clearly said I would pay for half of all visits (he just didn't like the way I wanted to do it - he must have forgotten that I went for months without child support and now it's due!)  He kept on accusing me of keeping DD from him and saying that I said I refused to pay half...uh, I never said that.  He threatened to take me to court (ooo, I'm scaaaared!) so I took a break from texting and let him cool off.  I text later and say if it will be easier for us to meet halfway in Texas or Louisiana, that would work for us.  He agrees that would be fine and then gets mean again.  He says karma will come back to me for taking away his child.  I asked him what he would like me to do - I married a military man, I can't help that.  He had no answer.  I have been most-complient in this situation and don't understand why he is so mean to me.  His last text was saying that he is done fighting with me and for me to save my money (cursing the entire text).  Am I wrong for trying to elimate his CS bill?  Sorry it's so long...  :(

CafeMom Tickers
by on Sep. 29, 2011 at 7:59 PM
Replies (11-12):
by Sarah on Sep. 30, 2011 at 10:01 AM
I like the first option...

OP, I wouldn't bother trying to help him out. Just pay your half and figure out what will work best.
Anytime I try to help out my exH he swears I'm trying to screw him.
They need to see the person truly being hurt by their childishness is their child, not them!

Quoting LovelyLauren55:

Wow sorry your little one is going thru that! Its hard on us, with the inconsistency of it all, but its so much harder on the kids! :( I wish they would either just dissapear or step up!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Sep. 30, 2011 at 11:37 AM

 My oldest dd went through this with her sperm donor.He never was in her life.He used the excuse that we would argue.I used to tell him he could forget the child support but please see her.He still wouldnt.She is 20 now and he has tried to be in her life but she cant stand him.His loss.He owes me $9,000 in child support.He only has to pay $65 a month and still has a fit,Some men just suck! Sorry your dd is going through this.

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