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To Work or Not to Work

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Why is this always the question for me? Why can't I just pick something and stick to it!

by on Oct. 14, 2011 at 8:38 AM
Replies (21-27):
by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 5:24 PM

There isn't going to be a perfect anything.

And, in my opinion at least, your kids need and want you home.

Quoting armywife1229:

You're right. Each time I'm having a hard day, I remember why its hard. Why its wonderful, why I love being home with my kids. I still waiver, but I'll probably stay home until that perfect opportunity and situation comes along.

Quoting LindaClement:

I would suggest that you consider this from 2 different angles:

1. You're either happy or you're not --your circumstances have almost nothing to do with that (read 'What Happy People Know' for more on that topic) --also known as: the last thing that will 'fix' your happiness level is adding complications to your schedule, more demands, demands that compete with what is genuinely important to you, and additional intense interpersonal relationships.

2. The allure of the idea of a 'good day care situation' that remains stable in the long term is popular, but uncommon. People retire, move on to other things, get sick, hire poor help, take on problematic kids, lose their homes and businesses, get offered better work for more money elsewhere... and some of the things that can go wrong with daycare can be sudden. 

My sister's an extreme case, but her first 'perfect and wonderful' in-home care by a woman fully-committed to staying for the long haul was cut short when that woman's mother got brain cancer and she left to take care of her. That was replaced by a 'perfect and wonderful' family-style care, and that woman lost her house in the meltdown and had to move to where her family lived a few hours away. That was replaced by a 'pretty well-recommended private centre' that was closed by the authorities over irregularities in the accounting. That was replaced by another family-style care situation, which ended up being... a lot less than ideal. All of these happened inside a year --not one of them would be on the list of 'make sure you know this about your daycare providers' questionnaire.

Not one is predictable or avoidable in advance... and while it's possible to spend 2 weeks or 3 months seeking quality care when you're not working yet, you don't get to do that when you are working. What you get to take when you are working and your daycare quits on Friday, is 'whatever you can find by Monday.'

Quoting armywife1229:

Definitely a big concern with contemplating going back to work. Probably the thing I struggle with the most. In the past 3 years, DH has been gone for more than 18 of those months, and at that point, I would never have considered going back to work. I felt it was really important for one of us to be around all the time. Plust they were too little. Now that we're entering preschool and pre-K years, and DH is going to be home for the forseeable future, I feel more comfortable with them in a good day care situation for a few hours a day. Also, I'm not sure being home with me is good for them if I'm not happy being home, KWIM? Its seriously something I go back and forth on at least 3 times a day. I'm just praying that it all works out the way its supposed to.

Quoting LindaClement:

I chose not to work for a lot of reasons: not having strangers raise my kids was high on the list.

by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 7:32 PM

I have to tell you..I too go over this in my head. My husband Is a temp for the governmet and donesn't make a ton of money. We live with my mother in law and I do not work. I am always worried about money and I feel bad that my Contrbution is cooking and cleaning...But then I think that pretty much everything I will make will go to daycare and I think that is just insane! I was working and at that point..we were paying more for daycare then for rent! 

by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 8:17 PM

Linda, I think you are right. I agree with you 99% of the time, so it must mean something.

by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 7:00 PM

 hi my name is heather and i chose to work 2 jobs at home to raise my 5 month old baby because i do not want strangers raising her eaither so if u would like to no how you can work from home please go to my profile and visit my website have a nice day girls luv this cafe!!!

by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 9:37 PM


by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 10:41 PM
I am taking on a second job! Not excited lol!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 22, 2011 at 5:07 PM

Right now I choose not to work.  I guess for the most part I am a bit selfish.  I would rather be at home during the day when our daughter gets home from school about 3pm.  The other part is I love being at home when my hubby is off for his 4 days.  We love our time together as a family.  I do feel it is going to get a bit harder when he is gone during the week for Patrol Post, he will be allowed home on weekends.   Right now I am happy right where I am at.  :)

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