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Need Advice-LONG

Posted by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 11:29 AM
  • 14 Replies

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I REALLY NEED SOMEONE:

 

When you love someone, (as you all may know, it's realy hard to leave them).

My husband and i haven't been together very long. I just turned 18. I got married when i was 17. We have a little girl together she's a year old now. I love her and i want the best foor us.

My husband is 19 (still a child to me)-very immature.when i was pregnant( before we were married) we broke up fo r 3 months and then got back together. We have been together every since. We argued a couple times.

We soon decided to get married( even though we were young)

We have been married since may. Every since we got married he has been arguing with me. We argue at least a couple times a day over stupid stuff.

He's controlling. I cant barley talk to any guys. He always acts like he can tell me what to wear. if i dont listen hes pissy all day and treats me like im a whore. Whenever we get into a fight, he always turns it around on me. We recently broke up like 2 weeks before my daughters birthday ( we were only split p for 4 days). He started running with the friends that i asked him not to hang around (he is on  prohbation and wll get in trouble for being around them) It was his fault for breaking up because he pushed me but he kept hanging up on me and lying to me while we were broken up and didnt even try. His mom (from my MIL post) She lied for him when he was running around. She ignored me. I told him Marlie was sick and he wouldnt tell me where he was (so i cld take him to hospital) for like 15 minutes. My daughter had 103.5 fever w ith Phenmonia and he was playing games.

Later on i smacked him and he called the police on me even though i didnt when he pushed me down.

Today i have discover that (during the breakup) He came t o my school with his friend and i wasnt there that day. He got in this girls (his ex) car and told her all about us breaking up and how he was happy about it.

(also he was trying to talk to some other girl who just turned 16 that weve had problems over. He had her come pick him up and supposibly "filled her head full of crap."

We are back together but after today i am hurt because of the girls he was talking to and how he acted like he didnt care.

I love him so m uch because when were together (and happy sometimes) hes so good to me and he tells people(girl)  treat him like shit.

I dont want to be without him because it makes me hurt and my daughter looks for him, and he doesnt care. but when hes around me he says he loves me and he cares.

WHAT DO I DO?

by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 11:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 17, 2011 at 11:41 AM

Wow there is way too much drama here.  Not healthy for a child at all. I would say get rid of him but because you're married that would cost some serious money. He needs to grow up! Since I'm old enough to be your mom, I'm thinking what would I do if it were my dd. And I would have done away with that boy 2 years ago. So we wouldn't be in this situation. I'll stand by my original statement. I would get rid of him. He needs to grow up.  Your child deserves a hell of alot better than that.

jltplk25
by Gold Member on Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:04 PM

Pretty much what Michelle said. That is way too much drama and is unhealthy for your daughter.

This is what I would say if you were my child:

Dump his dumb ass. I don't care if you're happy 10% of the time...that doesn't make up for the misery you deal with the other 90%. He still has some growing up to do as do you. No offense, but 18'/19 years of age is still pretty young and you have a whole lot of life left to experience. I saw leave now and both of you work on yourselves. If sometime in the future you want to try again, go for it. No man should act the way your DH has been.

mom2gr8tgirls
by Gold Member on Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:18 PM
Totally agree. The abuse is not something you should deal with. Get out now while you can.


Quoting jltplk25:

Pretty much what Michelle said. That is way too much drama and is unhealthy for your daughter.


This is what I would say if you were my child:


Dump his dumb ass. I don't care if you're happy 10% of the time...that doesn't make up for the misery you deal with the other 90%. He still has some growing up to do as do you. No offense, but 18'/19 years of age is still pretty young and you have a whole lot of life left to experience. I saw leave now and both of you work on yourselves. If sometime in the future you want to try again, go for it. No man should act the way your DH has been.


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LindaClement
by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:24 PM

Love is a verb, not an emotion. It's something you do, not something you feel.

When you treat other people with contempt, you are not loving them. It doesn't matter who they are.

Loving behaviours are: acceptance, support, listening, caring, generosity, respect, kindness.

While you're wondering whether or not he 'loves' you, looking at this list, look at the list from a more humiliation stance: which of these do you do --all the time?

Compared to, say, this list:

nagging
complaining
criticizing
blaming
punishing
bribing
threatening 

It doesn't matter at all about which issues you do these 7, why you think you're doing them or who agrees that they're 'effective' relationship-building techniques: they aren't. They're control tactics, and when you figure out how to perfectly control 100% of your thoughts and actions, you may have some basis for subjecting anyone else to your attempts to control them... but it's definitely a case of 'you first' or no one will believe you are capable.

Every one of these 7 behaviours pushes people away, because they're repellent. It doesn't matter how 'necessary' they feel when we do them. They still repel people.

If you want to move someone closer to you, choose the behaviours (and attitudes) that are attractive.

shellie830
by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 12:28 PM
Agreed imagine what example you are setting for your dd.

Quoting jltplk25:

Pretty much what Michelle said. That is way too much drama and is unhealthy for your daughter.


This is what I would say if you were my child:


Dump his dumb ass. I don't care if you're happy 10% of the time...that doesn't make up for the misery you deal with the other 90%. He still has some growing up to do as do you. No offense, but 18'/19 years of age is still pretty young and you have a whole lot of life left to experience. I saw leave now and both of you work on yourselves. If sometime in the future you want to try again, go for it. No man should act the way your DH has been.

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LindaClement
by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 2:25 PM

Imagine the example you are setting if 'tossing people away when you're done with them' is what you do?

Quoting shellie830:

Agreed imagine what example you are setting for your dd.

Quoting jltplk25:

Pretty much what Michelle said. That is way too much drama and is unhealthy for your daughter.


This is what I would say if you were my child:


Dump his dumb ass. I don't care if you're happy 10% of the time...that doesn't make up for the misery you deal with the other 90%. He still has some growing up to do as do you. No offense, but 18'/19 years of age is still pretty young and you have a whole lot of life left to experience. I saw leave now and both of you work on yourselves. If sometime in the future you want to try again, go for it. No man should act the way your DH has been.


Pammi86
by Pamela on Oct. 17, 2011 at 2:31 PM

My personal opinion is this kind of relationship is very unhealthy for your daughter! If she continues to see this she may grow up thinking its ok for men to treat her this way! I think you are very young and still have a lot of growing up to do and so does your husband. I believe you can and are a good mother and will be fine on your own. Take some time apart. If things can't change then it is better for you to not be with him. I know its hard now but in due time it will all be alright. Hang in there and remember, every choice you make is and should be for your child.

jltplk25
by Gold Member on Oct. 17, 2011 at 2:36 PM
So staying in an otherwise toxic relationship is ok?


Quoting LindaClement:

Imagine the example you are setting if 'tossing people away when you're done with them' is what you do?

Quoting shellie830:

Agreed imagine what example you are setting for your dd.



Quoting jltplk25:

Pretty much what Michelle said. That is way too much drama and is unhealthy for your daughter.



This is what I would say if you were my child:



Dump his dumb ass. I don't care if you're happy 10% of the time...that doesn't make up for the misery you deal with the other 90%. He still has some growing up to do as do you. No offense, but 18'/19 years of age is still pretty young and you have a whole lot of life left to experience. I saw leave now and both of you work on yourselves. If sometime in the future you want to try again, go for it. No man should act the way your DH has been.



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_leslie_
by on Oct. 17, 2011 at 2:41 PM

i am not setting no such example. ME? tossing someone away... i dont want to,,,, How am i tossing someone away when im done with them.

jltplk25
by Gold Member on Oct. 17, 2011 at 2:45 PM
You're not tossing him away... He obviously isn't invested in your relationship. It takes two people to make a relationship work.


Quoting _leslie_:

i am not setting no such example. ME? tossing someone away... i dont want to,,,, How am i tossing someone away when im done with them.


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