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i need advise ASAP :(

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2011 at 8:09 PM
  • 69 Replies

well im 24 and have a daughter whos 5 .. and my bf recently joined the army and is in boot camp right now . we arent married which means im really on my own right now :( my question is does being married and not being married really effect how things will go in our relationship ? he says he wont marry me just so i can live on base with him but wants me to live across the country and wait for him with out any commitment ?? im stressing cuase i dont like being away from him and he just has me sitting here waiting :( i feel like getting married with make things easier from what i hear but im not sure ?? any advise ladys ? PLEASE !

by on Oct. 28, 2011 at 8:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jltplk25
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2011 at 10:05 PM
2 moms liked this
You shouldn't get married 'just to make things easier'. Marriage should come when both parties are ready to make that commitment.

Is he not wanting to get married right now or is this a while down the road?
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aco247
by on Oct. 28, 2011 at 10:23 PM

he says he wants a huge wedding to make it meaningful but the way i see it a huge wedding would be a waste of money since we both have no friends and pretty much no family :( i tell him that a small wedding with close family would be more meaningful than anything but for some reason he dont see it like that :( it makes me feel like hes just making up excusing not to marry me u know :( idk im confused and scared since im new to this and not really sure how this whole military thing works :(

mrsnoble2004
by on Oct. 28, 2011 at 10:28 PM
5 moms liked this

I don't think being married necessarily makes things any easier if you're thinking in terms of waiting for him to get back. If the trust isn't there without the ring I don't think getting married is going to make it any better. Either the commitment is there or it's not, you don't need a piece of paper to validate your relationship.

splatz
by Sarah on Oct. 28, 2011 at 10:36 PM

I agree. So many people that rush into "dorm marriages" so they can get housing end up being a huge mistake. Yes, it would be easier to be together. But, that doesnt mean it is the right choice. Marriage is a huge step, and living together is not a reason to rush into it.

Quoting mrsnoble2004:

I don't think being married necessarily makes things any easier if you're thinking in terms of waiting for him to get back. If the trust isn't there without the ring I don't think getting married is going to make it any better. Either the commitment is there or it's not, you don't need a piece of paper to validate your relationship.


Sarah: Mommy to 2 little monsters. ♥ Mom to Mom Group Mod.

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shineyllamatues
by on Oct. 29, 2011 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this

My DH and I are married because he is in the Navy. If he wasnt then he would just be my DF. He knows that. I dont think a piece of paper should be anything to our relationship. But when it comes to the military it does. Us being married hasnt changed anything but the Navy side of our relationship. But thats Dh and me (we had a kid together before we got married so we werent going any where) My chose may not be the right one for you even though it was for me. I wouldnt move cross country without that paper if I was you. Military marriages final even more than normal ones so you should think of it has insur. That way you know that he will have to get your stuff moved back to your home town if it doesnt work out. and if something happens to you, the military will help you out with dealing with that. GL!

Pooobaihr
by on Oct. 29, 2011 at 2:17 AM
10 moms liked this

You've got other things to worry about.  Drop him.  He doesn't want a commitment, which means he wants to be able to do whatever he wants to do, while YOU sit and be faithful to him on the other side of the map. -.-  You can find someone else during the amount of time he's gonna have you waiting.

jani1231
by on Oct. 29, 2011 at 6:33 AM
2 moms liked this

In my opinion... I think he is being selfish. Maybe if you didn't have a child it would be a different story, but you do. If it were me (because he is in the army) I'd expect some type of commitment. Not because of "just being married" but because you could get help if needed... if he leaves you etc. Why should you move across country without some type of commitment??? This is about YOU and your child too. Now if he weren't in the army i'd tell you to not rush it and let it happen when he's ready... again this is just me... 

yourpassion
by on Oct. 29, 2011 at 6:51 AM

this...also, if he's not ready to get married, then i wouldn't push it.  it could create more problems down the road.  if and when he's ready, he'll ask.  you both should understand where your relationship is and move on from there.  if one of you isn't happy with the way it's going, then maybe consider moving on.

Quoting splatz:

I agree. So many people that rush into "dorm marriages" so they can get housing end up being a huge mistake. Yes, it would be easier to be together. But, that doesnt mean it is the right choice. Marriage is a huge step, and living together is not a reason to rush into it.

Quoting mrsnoble2004:

I don't think being married necessarily makes things any easier if you're thinking in terms of waiting for him to get back. If the trust isn't there without the ring I don't think getting married is going to make it any better. Either the commitment is there or it's not, you don't need a piece of paper to validate your relationship.



MaNdYbEaR2010
by on Oct. 29, 2011 at 7:23 AM

 don't do it. please take my advice. experience talking here.

jessi2girls
by Member on Oct. 29, 2011 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this

Getting married doesn't make things easier if you are just doing it to make things seem easier.. Getting married will only make things easier if you are BOTH ready to committ and from the sounds of it, he still hasn't made the jump to fully commit toyou.  Until he does, that marriage will probably lead to LARGER problems and a hefty divorce. 

my advice: respect his wishes, give him his space, sometimes absense makes the heart grow fonder, sometimes it shows someone they really aren't in love with so and so.. either way, you have to let him go his way to he can deside that for himself.  If you don't, it'll lead to resentment and again probably divorce. 

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