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I just need to know that I'm doing the right thing... (pretty long!)

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:24 PM
  • 14 Replies

 ...and not being selfish.  This is gonna be long...guaranteed.  You've been warned...lol.

So my sister and I are about a year apart and we have a pretty rocky relationship.  She is an admitted patholigical liar and she also admits to sometimes using people.  She is thisclose to actually admitting that she is bi-polar (something that we all believe based on how she acts).  Anywho...The way our relationship works is, she screws up/needs something and comes to me.  I'm a giant rug and love her so I do whatever I can/need to do to help. 

Here's a few instances:  Once, she was thrown in jail and she told me if I bailed her out (using my rent money) that she'd pay me back when she got the insurance settlement from her car accident.  She and her BF were living with us at the time (bill free) and when she got the check we bought a new car with it, and lied to me about getting the check (she said she never got the check and our dad actually bought the car).  So, I couldn't pay rent that month and got totally screwed up with bills trying to work it out. 

Another time, she spent a bunch of money and was afraid our mom was gonna yell at her so she asked me if I'd write her a check to show mom so she wouldn't get in trouble.  I'm stupid, and did it.  I even offered to give her all of the money on Friday when I'd get paid (this was on a Monday).  I told her NOT to cash the check, it would bounce the hell outta my account.  She cashed it the next day. 

And yet another time, we were on the phone and got into an argument.  I hung up on her instead of letting her scream in my ear.  She promptly called CPS on us, alleging that our DD (our oldest, and only child at the time, I was pregnant with DD2) was beaten, malnourished, never bathed and we lived in animal excrement which was never cleaned up.  CPS of course did an emergency visit and then wanted to speak with all of us (me, DH and DD).  Of course, they dismissed everything seeing that the allegations were unfounded.  There are many, many, many more stories like this. 

This latest round, she saw me talking on FB to one of her friends (she's actually a mutual friend of ours...I've know her for 20+ years) and she pitched a fit.  Saying that I was trying to "one up" her cuz I told this friend that I was thinking of her and I loved her (her dad had just passed away).  All of that escalated to me "talking crap" about said friend (which I never did) and me denying it of course.  The friend emailed my sister saying if she ever pulled that crap again, they were done being friends.  Well, that got blamed on me and she sent me a message on FB telling me I was a rotten human being and blah, blah, blah.  I ignored it.  The next day I was deleted and blocked.  Whoopie.  Four days later I got an email from her DH (whom I hadn't spoken to in months) telling me I was a liar, a fat @ss, that I am f'd in the head, and also calling me some pretty vulgar names (like the c-word, the t-word and the w-word).  My DH sent my sister a message telling her they are not to contact any of us ever again because he was ticked and saw how upset I was.  My sister did contact me and asked if we could talk.  I told her no.  I said I couldn't handle the stress that she brings to my life anymore and I have 3 kids to take care of so I don't have the time or resources to take care of her anymore.  I said my life was just easier when she's not in it.  So, my question is...was that too harsh?  Should I let her explain and let her back in or should I just discontinue our relationship?  I've been a wreck ever since everything happened.  I don't necessarily miss her or her crap.  I just think maybe I was too mean to her.  TIA if you actually got through all of this!

by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mom2gr8tgirls
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 Oh, PS...my DH says that I'm noticably different when her and I aren't talking, that I'm happier.  And I feel happier.

shellie830
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:29 PM
No you need to look out for your family. Be done with the crap.
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Boobah
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:32 PM
No way, I'd say let her go. How dare she pull that crap.
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splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:33 PM
I know she is family. And you feel obligated to be nice and keep her around. But you did the right thing. This is going to be best for you and your family.
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kpncnc
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:33 PM
I think u did what u have to do. Maybe write her an email about all the things she's done to u like in this post and tell her when she gets her sh* together to give u a call. Until then, I'd want nothing to do with her either. Honestly I may even consult with a lawyer for all the money she owes u
mrsnoble2004
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:44 PM

I think you have put up with enough from her. She's a grown woman and needs to act like it. I don't think you were too harsh.

mom2gr8tgirls
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:44 PM

 LOL...DH would love to.  I just don't see the point anymore.  At this point I don't think I could prove any amounts so it'd just be her word against mine. 

Quoting kpncnc:

I think u did what u have to do. Maybe write her an email about all the things she's done to u like in this post and tell her when she gets her sh* together to give u a call. Until then, I'd want nothing to do with her either. Honestly I may even consult with a lawyer for all the money she owes u

 

crazymomof4787
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:58 PM

Don't feel guilty at all.   Your life is much better with her then keep it that way. 

Pammi86
by Pamela on Nov. 4, 2011 at 4:17 PM
Just bc she is family doesn't give her the right to treat u this way and should be the reason she doesn't! Shame on her! I know she's ur sister but sometimes u have to walk away! Atleast for now! And what a pathetic husband she has! A real low life to talk to a woman that way! I believe its best for u and ur family to have no contact with her right now. Give it awhile and see if she comes around and really changes! If she doesn't then u have no reason to feel guilty! U can't allow someone to keep hurting u even if it is ur sister. And never let her borrow money again! Its not worth the damage! Good luck!
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goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 4, 2011 at 9:07 PM

I can't handle Psycho Drama so she would have been gone a long time ago. You did the right thing. Don't let her back in your life.

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