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I just need to know that I'm doing the right thing... (pretty long!)

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 ...and not being selfish.  This is gonna be long...guaranteed.  You've been

So my sister and I are about a year apart and we have a pretty rocky relationship.  She is an admitted patholigical liar and she also admits to sometimes using people.  She is thisclose to actually admitting that she is bi-polar (something that we all believe based on how she acts).  Anywho...The way our relationship works is, she screws up/needs something and comes to me.  I'm a giant rug and love her so I do whatever I can/need to do to help. 

Here's a few instances:  Once, she was thrown in jail and she told me if I bailed her out (using my rent money) that she'd pay me back when she got the insurance settlement from her car accident.  She and her BF were living with us at the time (bill free) and when she got the check we bought a new car with it, and lied to me about getting the check (she said she never got the check and our dad actually bought the car).  So, I couldn't pay rent that month and got totally screwed up with bills trying to work it out. 

Another time, she spent a bunch of money and was afraid our mom was gonna yell at her so she asked me if I'd write her a check to show mom so she wouldn't get in trouble.  I'm stupid, and did it.  I even offered to give her all of the money on Friday when I'd get paid (this was on a Monday).  I told her NOT to cash the check, it would bounce the hell outta my account.  She cashed it the next day. 

And yet another time, we were on the phone and got into an argument.  I hung up on her instead of letting her scream in my ear.  She promptly called CPS on us, alleging that our DD (our oldest, and only child at the time, I was pregnant with DD2) was beaten, malnourished, never bathed and we lived in animal excrement which was never cleaned up.  CPS of course did an emergency visit and then wanted to speak with all of us (me, DH and DD).  Of course, they dismissed everything seeing that the allegations were unfounded.  There are many, many, many more stories like this. 

This latest round, she saw me talking on FB to one of her friends (she's actually a mutual friend of ours...I've know her for 20+ years) and she pitched a fit.  Saying that I was trying to "one up" her cuz I told this friend that I was thinking of her and I loved her (her dad had just passed away).  All of that escalated to me "talking crap" about said friend (which I never did) and me denying it of course.  The friend emailed my sister saying if she ever pulled that crap again, they were done being friends.  Well, that got blamed on me and she sent me a message on FB telling me I was a rotten human being and blah, blah, blah.  I ignored it.  The next day I was deleted and blocked.  Whoopie.  Four days later I got an email from her DH (whom I hadn't spoken to in months) telling me I was a liar, a fat @ss, that I am f'd in the head, and also calling me some pretty vulgar names (like the c-word, the t-word and the w-word).  My DH sent my sister a message telling her they are not to contact any of us ever again because he was ticked and saw how upset I was.  My sister did contact me and asked if we could talk.  I told her no.  I said I couldn't handle the stress that she brings to my life anymore and I have 3 kids to take care of so I don't have the time or resources to take care of her anymore.  I said my life was just easier when she's not in it.  So, my question is...was that too harsh?  Should I let her explain and let her back in or should I just discontinue our relationship?  I've been a wreck ever since everything happened.  I don't necessarily miss her or her crap.  I just think maybe I was too mean to her.  TIA if you actually got through all of this!

by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:24 PM
Replies (11-14):
by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 10:00 PM
Sometimes we just need to let go of our toxic relationships. I know it must suck not having your sister around but it really sounds like you need to break it off.
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by on Nov. 4, 2011 at 11:08 PM
Quoting mom2gr8tgirls:

Consulting with a lawyer is free, and even if u don't have a case it'd be worth the time just incase u do. I would say do it just to see if u have that option. Gl with everything
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 10:33 AM

 it looks like you've went above and beyond to help her out and have given her ample opportunity to make things better. however she has continued to cause stress in your life and take for granted that you are always 'there' for her. IMO, and i know its hard since she is family, but for your sanity and that of your family (dh & kids) i would cut all ties with her.

by on Nov. 7, 2011 at 10:30 AM
Wow, this sounds like my life only with a cousin, not a sister. I understand completely where you are coming from and how you are feeling. My situation was slightly different bc she has a child whom she abandoned several times. After the last straw about 2 months ago I told her that she needed to grow up, take responsibly for her own life and that I could not "afford" to have her in my life anymore. I told her that if she ever pulled her head out of her a$$ that we could "talk" again, but not to ever call me again if it was just for her personal gain. (Groceries, bail money, court costs, rent, car payments, insurance...everything else I ever paid for her). Good luck. I know how hard it is!
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