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What would you think/do?

Posted by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 1:45 PM
  • 7 Replies
So with FB being how it is now (showing your friends' comments on other's pages, etc) I was skimming my news feed and noticed that DH and one of our mutual friends (a male) both commented on a photo. I couldn't really tell what the photo was cuz I was on my phone.

Curiosity got the best of me and I clicked it to see what it was. Well it was from some page with girls posing either tastefully clothed or scantily clad with trains (my DH is a railroader). This photo they commented on was a girl posing with a belly shirt and a short skirt with heels on. My DH commented with "Wow...enough said."

Now, I'm not delusional enough to think DH doesn't think anyone else is attractive. It doesn't really bug me much when he comments on celebrities, I know they are basically unattainable. But this girl is attainable. She lives close to us. She even thanked him for the comment and then friend requested him. I don't know if he accepted (I only know of the request cuz of our friend).

I've had a very, very hard time with my body image since DS was born. My problem is, I look at this girl that he's obviously impressed with and I'm not anything like her. So how could he be attracted to me when I don't look anything like that?

I just keep thinking about it...he thought she was good looking enough to comment. Then I just start crying. Ugh. I need therapy.

ETA: I went on his page and to go back to the photo, thinking maybe I did read too far into it. Then saw he commented on a different photo too. That one is a chick in a bathing suit and he commented with "She looks like she works out and could whoop everyone's ass. I'd let her whoop mine!"
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by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 1:45 PM
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Replies (1-7):
RTXmommy06
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 1:52 PM

 You have major insecurity issues. I say this because i've been EXACTLY where you are. you definitely need some help. Nobody knows your relationship except you and your DH, but unless he's doing something to make you feel like he's been unfaithful, I don't think you have anything to worry about. (if he accepted the friend request I may raise an eyebrow though) But when you're insecure with yourself and you don't feel sexy, that's going to cause you to come down even harder on DH and that's not fair to him. He's a man and men are going to look at other women, regardless. I don't care what anyone says, it happens.

Have you ever read the Mars & Venus thing? Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus? I know it sounds cliche but it really can help you understand how men think and it could significantly improve your relationship. Ever since I read it a few years back, I never get upset about the things I used to get upset about. But, alot of that stems from where you are emotionally with your self esteem. Do something for yourself. what is making you unhappy about your body? have you tried to make any changes?

RTXmommy06
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 1:55 PM

 Also, what makes this girl attainable, the fact that she lives close? that shouldn't be an issue if you and DH are in a committed relationship. my DH and Jessica Simpson went to school together their entire lives and I don't think he's any closer to getting her than someone who isn't from where we live, you know?

nessacool08
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 6:02 PM

My heart goes out to you!  It was bad enough when you caught your man looking at another women in wal mart, but now with all the social networking sites out there theres even more ways for your man to screw up. I know fb isnt real life but many poeple use it has a tool in thier real lives. However in your current situtation I would tell him that things like that hurt you and to be more respectful of his wife especially when mutual friends and relatives can see. Also make sure he didnt accept her 'friend' request because that could lead to some thing that isnt very good for your family. I live by this motto and im going share it with you to share with your husband . even if he's not doing anything "STAY AWAY FROM THE APPERANCE OF EVIL"

Hope this helped

judybant
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 6:30 PM

"wow... enough said" is very ambiguous... I might have thought he was being critical, rather than complimentary. That's something my husband would have commented on a similar picture, because he doesn't get why girls and women feel the need to "put it all out there" all the time. It's the fact that I am more modest that attracted him to me. 

As far as you wondering how your husband could find you desirable when you look nothing like her... well... it's because you put up with all his crap. Plus, you have his children. Not all men are horrible pigs that find skanky little girls, scantily dressed to be the only thing that turns them on. I've gained a LOT of weight since my husband and I got together 12 years ago, and the fact that I love him, in spite of the fact that he's kind of a jerk at times means more to him than some little chippy who is definitely cuter than I am, but would kick him to the curb the minute he tried to pull some of his BS shenanigans! I'm willing to look past those things, because I know that when he pulls that stuff is when he's feeling the most vulnerable. 

You need couple's counseling. At least individual counseling if you're able to take 3 words like that, and turn it into a 5 paragraph vent about how much better than you she is. Seriously. I'm not trying to be snarky or mean here. 

mom2gr8tgirls
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 7:50 PM
Here's my biggest issue with it all. He's never been like this. Ever. I know it's all me and I'm projecting my inadequacies onto him but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I've gained a ton of weight since we got together 15 years ago (like 100 lbs). It also kinda makes me mad cuz he did it while I was gone last night and he was supposed to be taking care of our kids. I helped a friend at her kids' school and actually did my hair and put make up on and was feeling pretty good. Certainly blew that confidence boost.
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mrsnoble2004
by on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:07 PM

Did you tell him how you feel? I know it's hard but he needs to know. I'm sure when he commented on it he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt your feelings.

I'd also bet he doesn't look exactly like he did 15 years ago. You changed together and at the end of the day he might think she's cute but he loves YOU. You cannot question that after all the time you have invested in each other and in the family you made together.

Quoting mom2gr8tgirls:

Here's my biggest issue with it all. He's never been like this. Ever. I know it's all me and I'm projecting my inadequacies onto him but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I've gained a ton of weight since we got together 15 years ago (like 100 lbs). It also kinda makes me mad cuz he did it while I was gone last night and he was supposed to be taking care of our kids. I helped a friend at her kids' school and actually did my hair and put make up on and was feeling pretty good. Certainly blew that confidence boost.


jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2011 at 8:46 PM
What she said. You should sit him down and let him know that you saw the comments and how that made you feel. He may not even know you feel the way you do.


Quoting mrsnoble2004:

Did you tell him how you feel? I know it's hard but he needs to know. I'm sure when he commented on it he wasn't intentionally trying to hurt your feelings.

I'd also bet he doesn't look exactly like he did 15 years ago. You changed together and at the end of the day he might think she's cute but he loves YOU. You cannot question that after all the time you have invested in each other and in the family you made together.


Quoting mom2gr8tgirls:

Here's my biggest issue with it all. He's never been like this. Ever. I know it's all me and I'm projecting my inadequacies onto him but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I've gained a ton of weight since we got together 15 years ago (like 100 lbs). It also kinda makes me mad cuz he did it while I was gone last night and he was supposed to be taking care of our kids. I helped a friend at her kids' school and actually did my hair and put make up on and was feeling pretty good. Certainly blew that confidence boost.



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