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As a mom; do you think about your own mortality? Are you planning special things for your kids for after you're gone?

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 9:53 AM
  • 11 Replies

After giving birth to my oldest child (now age 15), I started thinking about my own mortality and what would happen to my son (and future children).  With each consecutive birth, I thought about it more and more.  I lost my Dad to Cancer this summer just seven weeks after his diagnosis.  That really got me to thinking, and appearantly got the kids thinking too.  They actually started talking about what items of mine they wanted when I pass away.  The ONLY thing they argued over was (get this...) my recipes.  I was absolutely speechless. I actually didn't think anything of it, in fact, we all giggled with the conversation. :)  So, that night, after the kids went to bed, I started copying down my recipes two more times.  Yeah, I could just photocopy them, but it's not the same as having mom's writing.  It's a long process and I'm still working on it when they're not around.  I don't want any arguing when I leave this world, and I don't want two of the kids to have to "settle" for photocopies.  It's just not as personal.

This converstaion actually got me thinking even more, and I think I've come up with a plan.  I have purchased 3 big Rubbermaid bins.  Each bin will have a child's name on it.  The recipes will go in there.  (I've decided dd, now age 11) will get my original recipes that are actually in my cabinet, my two boys will get the ones I'm in the process of writing down now.)  I've also decided to take it one step further.  We have special books that we read when they were younger (and I still continue to read to my two younger ones... just longer books now a few chapters a night).  I don't want them to have to divy the books out.  I am purchasing 2 copies each of our most treasured stories so each kid will get a set of our favorites.  (I'm getting hardback whenever possible, so they'll stand the test of time better.)  More than likely youngest ds (now age 9) will end up with my original copies that we actually read from since he is an avid reader (well, dd is too, but she's getting my original recipes ;) )

These are just a couple of my ideas, for examples.  When my kids are all grown up, if I'm still here, they will receive their bins from me personally.  If I'm not here to see that day, they will get them when I pass away. Either way, I hope they hold on to those things and treasure them, and make good use of them with their own families.  The things that will be in their bins will have very special meaning, and I hope they make as many memories as I have and more :)

I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jltplk25
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2011 at 10:11 AM
Those are great ideas!! I'm scared of dying so I try to avoid thinking about it. Lol. We've talked about what we wanted for the kids if we were to pass before they were adults but that's it.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time at my nana and papa's house; it was the one place that I always felt safe. I knew from a young age that when they were gone I would get their house. My nana passed away last in 2001 when I was 16. Because I was not of legal age my mom was placed on the beneficiary deed along with me. My name is what you will find if you look up the property but I can't make any decisions w/o moms approval and vice versa. Let's just that has caused more problems than it is worth.
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praisinghim2day
by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 10:22 AM

Thank you :)  I'm not real keen on the idea of leaving this earth either.  Even as a Christian woman, I'm scared of the unknown.  I hate the idea of leaving my loved ones.  But, alas, I know that day will come, and I want that transition to be as easy on my family as possible.  I just don't want them to have to make decisions on propery that is so special to each of them.  They shouldn't have to choose that way.  Things will be hectic enough. The books actually didn't come up in the conversation at all, but I treasure the time I spend with the kids at night reading with them.  And I know that one day they will look back and realize how special that time really was.  My oldest doesn't join in in the story time anymore, but I know one day he will look back fondly on the days when he did, and want to share that with his children too.

Wow, that's a lot of responsibility for a young woman.  I don't envy you at all. :(  I wish you the best, and pray for God to guide you  in the decisions you are forced to make.  *hugs*

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Nov. 19, 2011 at 10:51 AM

Luckily with me I only have one child and so far 2 grandson's but everything goes to her and then she decides what goes to the grand kids. But with having more children that would be a great idea to do is to get separate bins and put everything in.

praisinghim2day
by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 11:21 AM

That certainly makes things easier :)  She will have your traditions and special moments to build on with your grandchildren, and hopefully they will carry on those traditions too! :)

goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 19, 2011 at 1:20 PM

I guess I more have stuff in a will for my dd. Like my home and everything in it. lol

Amaranth361
by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 6:59 PM

 Yes, I think about it a ton especially after my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the summer of 2010(and is now considered terminal).

I dont have anything specific planned other than, if I know its coming, Ill write letters and make sure they have pics at the ready for them to sort through and enjoy over the years. Maybe Ill do a video tape for each of them to look at throughout the years. But this is all if I die while they are still young. If they are adults then Im sure they'll have their own memories established and pics and such. But I will probably still write them letters expressing my love and pride in them and what they have done,etc.

They'll know to cremate me and spread my ashes somewhere pretty. If they wish to keep some ashes for themselves that will be up to them, that isnt something I will force or desire for them to do.

mrsnoble2004
by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 8:09 PM

I don't really have anything my kids would want or at least that they've show much interest in. When my mother had this conversation with my sisters and I, she got mad because they started arguing over her tv like she was already dead. She tried to get pissy with me and asked me what I wanted. I asked for the family pictures. She got confused. She said "what about the tv or stereo system?" I said "What about them? It's just stuff. If I want a tv or stereo I can go to the store. I can't buy old family photos or the memory that goes with them at Wal-mart." She started crying. I went home. A couple years later she ended up moving to Texas but before she left she gave me the pictures.

Aleta775
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 2:31 AM

Me and hubby have life insurance policies. Now granted it is not tons of money, but it is a little something to help our dd. We also made arrangements for her Godparents to take care of her if we pass before she is grown. It was an unpleasant task but it had to be done. Me and hubby have talked about this a lot because my father has been very sick for many years. I know it sounds terrible to say, but I really do expect him to pass away soon. I'm surprised that he has lived as long as he has and most people probably wouldn't have made it this long. My mother has also had health issues for awhile, so it is just always something in the back of my mind. We wanted to be prepared for the worst. We are both organ donors, and we both want to be cremated. I don't really care where my ashes go, but I think I'd like my ashes to be scattered at the same time and place as hubby's. We also agreed that we would throw a huge party for one another to celebrate our lives rather than mourn. My husband actually wants a full blown wake.

mamasinpajamas
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 2:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I have lupus and bad kidneys. I think about it every day. But my biggest worries have been who will take the kids if/when I die, and what requests to make about how they're raised and about their education and what they're told about my/their fathers, and when. But now,  after reading your post, i have a little hope that I could leave them something that might make them smile. Thank you. :) I'll definately be stealing your ideas about the books and recipes, and I plan to make scrapbooks for each of the kids. And a dvd of us doing some fun things together. cooking, playing, opening up christmas presents, playing soccer. i just want them to remember good things. not "mom was always tired" "mom was always hurting too much to do anything fun" "mom died and left us with nothing.." I want to leave them with something, to remind them how much i love them.

praisinghim2day
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 9:28 AM

You and your family will certainly be in our prayers! *hugs*  As far as who will take the kids... wouldn't they go with their dad automatically? 

I have a friend who is an attorney, and he drew up my will for me and I gave him 6 months of haircuts.  It was a great barter :)  He did tell me that if one cannot afford to have a legal will written up, one can write thier last wishes, and take a friend along with them to a notary public, and all three sign it.  This will stand in court as a legal will.  That may be an option for you.  Idk if that law is valid in every state, but it is worth looking into. 

In the will, like another poster said, I'm just leaving everything to them.  I'm not specifying anything to any specific child because there is no arguing amongst them.  I didn't forsee any arguing over the books (or anything else that I've duplicated for the bins) but I didn't want them to have to make the decision of who gets those.  Those are special memories for all three of them. There won't be a lot of money for them, but the items in those bins are priceless.

 Of course my will says that the kids will go with their father (but that's where they would go anyway since he is their father, I wouldn't have a choice in that unless he was abusive or neglectful of the children and I could prove it in court).  I did specify that if something were to happen and my ex husband was no longer around, then my kids would go to my sister.

And feel free to "steal" those ideas :)  I'm flattered that somebody liked them well enough to do it! :)

Quoting mamasinpajamas:

I have lupus and bad kidneys. I think about it every day. But my biggest worries have been who will take the kids if/when I die, and what requests to make about how they're raised and about their education and what they're told about my/their fathers, and when. But now,  after reading your post, i have a little hope that I could leave them something that might make them smile. Thank you. :) I'll definately be stealing your ideas about the books and recipes, and I plan to make scrapbooks for each of the kids. And a dvd of us doing some fun things together. cooking, playing, opening up christmas presents, playing soccer. i just want them to remember good things. not "mom was always tired" "mom was always hurting too much to do anything fun" "mom died and left us with nothing.." I want to leave them with something, to remind them how much i love them.


I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

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