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As a mom; do you think about your own mortality? Are you planning special things for your kids for after you're gone?

After giving birth to my oldest child (now age 15), I started thinking about my own mortality and what would happen to my son (and future children).  With each consecutive birth, I thought about it more and more.  I lost my Dad to Cancer this summer just seven weeks after his diagnosis.  That really got me to thinking, and appearantly got the kids thinking too.  They actually started talking about what items of mine they wanted when I pass away.  The ONLY thing they argued over was (get this...) my recipes.  I was absolutely speechless. I actually didn't think anything of it, in fact, we all giggled with the conversation. :)  So, that night, after the kids went to bed, I started copying down my recipes two more times.  Yeah, I could just photocopy them, but it's not the same as having mom's writing.  It's a long process and I'm still working on it when they're not around.  I don't want any arguing when I leave this world, and I don't want two of the kids to have to "settle" for photocopies.  It's just not as personal.

This converstaion actually got me thinking even more, and I think I've come up with a plan.  I have purchased 3 big Rubbermaid bins.  Each bin will have a child's name on it.  The recipes will go in there.  (I've decided dd, now age 11) will get my original recipes that are actually in my cabinet, my two boys will get the ones I'm in the process of writing down now.)  I've also decided to take it one step further.  We have special books that we read when they were younger (and I still continue to read to my two younger ones... just longer books now a few chapters a night).  I don't want them to have to divy the books out.  I am purchasing 2 copies each of our most treasured stories so each kid will get a set of our favorites.  (I'm getting hardback whenever possible, so they'll stand the test of time better.)  More than likely youngest ds (now age 9) will end up with my original copies that we actually read from since he is an avid reader (well, dd is too, but she's getting my original recipes ;) )

These are just a couple of my ideas, for examples.  When my kids are all grown up, if I'm still here, they will receive their bins from me personally.  If I'm not here to see that day, they will get them when I pass away. Either way, I hope they hold on to those things and treasure them, and make good use of them with their own families.  The things that will be in their bins will have very special meaning, and I hope they make as many memories as I have and more :)

I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

by on Nov. 19, 2011 at 9:53 AM
Replies (11-11):
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:47 PM

My dad wrote his will that way, he wrote it out, typed it up, he made a couple of copies, he and a family friend went to a notary and had it signed, and they were sealed until his death. But at that point, it didn't matter what the will said, his wife had squandered away all his money, she got him to buy her a new house and a new car right before he passed, but because of her selfishness, she ended up going bankrupt, and i guess that's where all of dad's money went. My first will was written in 2003 when my first was just a few weeks old. Her father and I both agreed to leave her to my sister and her husband (who raised me). But  now I have 4 kids and none of my family wants to take on 4 kids. I don't really have any money to leave them. With 4 kids on my own, i can't get a job right now, and the 2 fathers won't pay child support, we're barely getting by. And the father of my 3 oldest children has no interest in raising his kids, not that he would have the choice, because I have sole custody and he has no rights. He is currently evading warrants for failure to pay child support (he now owes nearly 20,000) And he has several warrants out for burglary, theft, and violation of corrections. And he is abusive, and a drug addict and an alcoholic. The father of my youngest child owes child support but so far, he asked for a DNA test, but when we sent him the paperwork, he failed to reply, even after several attempts to serve him the papers. He moves literally every other week. He stays with anyone who will let him sponge off of them. He has seen our daughter twice, and it was when she was really little, and only for a few minutes each time. The one time he bought her anything, it was a pack of diapers, 2 pairs of pj's and a bottle of baby lotion. Since then he refuses to help with her.  He did say he would try to take her if I die, but I told him i know he can't take care of her, which he agreed with, and i told him that I would take care of that in court before the time came, to make sure my kids are not separated, and that he will get supervised visits and no more.

Quoting praisinghim2day:

You and your family will certainly be in our prayers! *hugs*  As far as who will take the kids... wouldn't they go with their dad automatically? 

I have a friend who is an attorney, and he drew up my will for me and I gave him 6 months of haircuts.  It was a great barter :)  He did tell me that if one cannot afford to have a legal will written up, one can write thier last wishes, and take a friend along with them to a notary public, and all three sign it.  This will stand in court as a legal will.  That may be an option for you.  Idk if that law is valid in every state, but it is worth looking into. 

In the will, like another poster said, I'm just leaving everything to them.  I'm not specifying anything to any specific child because there is no arguing amongst them.  I didn't forsee any arguing over the books (or anything else that I've duplicated for the bins) but I didn't want them to have to make the decision of who gets those.  Those are special memories for all three of them. There won't be a lot of money for them, but the items in those bins are priceless.

 Of course my will says that the kids will go with their father (but that's where they would go anyway since he is their father, I wouldn't have a choice in that unless he was abusive or neglectful of the children and I could prove it in court).  I did specify that if something were to happen and my ex husband was no longer around, then my kids would go to my sister.

And feel free to "steal" those ideas :)  I'm flattered that somebody liked them well enough to do it! :)

Quoting mamasinpajamas:

I have lupus and bad kidneys. I think about it every day. But my biggest worries have been who will take the kids if/when I die, and what requests to make about how they're raised and about their education and what they're told about my/their fathers, and when. But now,  after reading your post, i have a little hope that I could leave them something that might make them smile. Thank you. :) I'll definately be stealing your ideas about the books and recipes, and I plan to make scrapbooks for each of the kids. And a dvd of us doing some fun things together. cooking, playing, opening up christmas presents, playing soccer. i just want them to remember good things. not "mom was always tired" "mom was always hurting too much to do anything fun" "mom died and left us with nothing.." I want to leave them with something, to remind them how much i love them.


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