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DH talking Vasectomy (UPDATED)

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 12:11 AM
  • 12 Replies

I'm currently 5 months along with our second child.  DH and I had agreed on only wanting two kids, with a joke of a third "surprise" baby possibility.

But now, DH is saying if this baby is born healthy he wants to get snipped right away!  I'm all sorts of uncomfortable with that decision, for various reasons, mainly how young we are.

I'm 25 and DH is 26.  I don't want to have kids too late in life, since Dh and I always liked the idea of traveling in our 40s and 50s.  But, who knows what may happen?  If he gets snipped right away, we don't have time to adjust to having 2 kdis and talking about whether we feel complete yet.  We both came from larger families, and I wonder if we'll have second thoughts about ours.

Also, several of the men in my family were snipped while I was growing up, and things happened later in their life that made them wish they hadn't.  One cousin's wife passed away in a car accident, and a few years later he married another woman who had no kids of her own.  She desperately wanted a baby by him, but his reversal failed.  They are still together, but sometimes I can see her upset.  My uncle's wife finally talked him into getting snipped, and then their youngest son died at age 6.  After a year or two, they began longing to have another child, but again the reversal didn't work as hoped.  I can't imagine having something happen to me or our family, and not to even have the option!

I guess I feel that with all the options available, he should wait until we are in our thirties at least.  I used a copper IUD to give us a few years between our first child and this one, and never had a problem.  Plus, I was pregnant again just when we wanted!  (We suffered a loss in week 14, but were pregnant again the next month.)

UPDATE!!!
We talked again, and he said he was certain he wouldn't want a third child at this point.  But he also said he could see why I was worried, and that my concerns were valid.  He insists he'd never want children by another woman, but acknowledged that if one of our kids or immediate relatives passed, he might want another.  He's willing to talk to my OB about more options.  He said after our daughter turns 1 year old, we'll talk about it again.  But he promised not to go behind my back.  I think we'll end up using the copper IUD again.  I used it for the 3 years between DS and this baby, with no problems at all.

by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momofsixangels
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2011 at 4:04 AM

If you feel so strongly about this I think you need to tell dh.I think he should wait also.My dh got snipped after our last child was born and I was so upset that he had to stay at his parents.Lol.Now of course I am happy he did it but every once in awhile I get that baby urge.Tell your dh how you feel and ask him to wait.Maybe wait a year and then see how you feel.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2011 at 10:20 AM

I agree with talking with him.  I was all tie it and snip it before I had any dc but after my dc were born I changed my mind.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2011 at 2:55 PM

I've tried talking to him, but he just doesn't seem to get my point of view.  He says he'll never remarry if anything happens to me, and doesn't really talk about what if somehthing happened to our family.  I wonder if he's just not showing his emotions on this?  I just hope he doesn't do it behind my back or I'll be staying with friends until I cool off!

Quoting momofsixangels:

If you feel so strongly about this I think you need to tell dh.I think he should wait also.My dh got snipped after our last child was born and I was so upset that he had to stay at his parents.Lol.Now of course I am happy he did it but every once in awhile I get that baby urge.Tell your dh how you feel and ask him to wait.Maybe wait a year and then see how you feel.


crazymomof4787
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a lady at work.  Her husband had a vastecomy years before she met him.   He had 2 kids with his ex wife.  The girl at work is younger and never had kids.  Her husband went and got the vastecomy reversed.   That was about 2 yrs ago.  She is finally pregant by vetro.   They say it was her issue with getting pregnant nothing to do with the reversal of the vastecomy. 

Maybe just leave things alone until after you have the baby.   I had my tubal scheduled when I was pregnant for my 2nd child.  My dh was over seas at the time.  He called me 2 weeks before I had the baby and told me not to get the tubal.   So I didn't we had baby # 3 10 months after he got home from his deployment.    I was 28 yrs old when I had my 3 rd child. 

Now I am in my later 40's and am enjoying life with out kids at home any more.  Glad I didn't have any more and glad I had them young. 

lillucky8
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:30 PM
I just found put im prego w number two and already dh said he wants to get snipped..i laughed at him
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mrsnoble2004
by on Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe the loss at 14 weeks was harder on him than you realize and he feels you should be happy with two because he is afraid going through it again.

goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 20, 2011 at 3:52 PM

It sounds like you are definitely not ready for what your dh wants. I would talk to him. Good luck.

Queen_Bree
by on Nov. 21, 2011 at 12:54 AM

maybe he only wants two kids. And maybe he loves you so much that he doesnt want to marry anyone else if something happens to you. Maybe he has his hed on stright and his thoughts in order. Maybe him growing up in a lrge family made him realize that its hard to raise kids and he wants to just be happy lavishing his love and attention on the ones he already has. YOU and his kids. If you agreed on two dont push three or more because u want it. Marriage is a two way street. you should feel complete becaus eyou have found your other half in your husband not because you have more kids. IMO. Best wishes.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2011 at 1:03 AM

Ty for the input.  I'm not pushing 3, I'm just not sure I want that road blocked yet.  After seeing my own family go through some tough situations, I just think it would be better to use something less permanent until we are older.  Even he jokes about "If we ahve a third, let's name him ___." and such.

Quoting Queen_Bree:

maybe he only wants two kids. And maybe he loves you so much that he doesnt want to marry anyone else if something happens to you. Maybe he has his hed on stright and his thoughts in order. Maybe him growing up in a lrge family made him realize that its hard to raise kids and he wants to just be happy lavishing his love and attention on the ones he already has. YOU and his kids. If you agreed on two dont push three or more because u want it. Marriage is a two way street. you should feel complete becaus eyou have found your other half in your husband not because you have more kids. IMO. Best wishes.


Queen_Bree
by on Nov. 21, 2011 at 1:15 AM

I get that. I hope that you guys can work out a compromise but remeber that once your pregnant you cant take it back. My youngest was 10 when I had my girls. It changed life dramtically and I had to give up some of my hopes and dreams to be a Mommy again. I love my girls but if I had it to do again I would not want to be a mom of elementary aged kids at 40. 

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