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Would you tell the parents what their 19 year old daughter is doing?

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:37 PM
  • 21 Replies

A friend of my DD does not get along with her parents and has confided in me that she is doing something that I disagree with on so many levels. She (19 yrs old)  is aware that her parents would not approve of her dating a 15 year old boy so she is deliberately withholding his age and other information from them.  Her parents are pretty uninvolved in her life but I know they would not approve of this relationship.

My dilemma is that I know that if and when they decide to become physical, this girl can get in a heck of a lot of trouble with the law. She knows what she is doing is wrong but continues to do it. I have talked to her about the consequences of her being an adult and dating a minor, but she is sure this boy is "THE ONE" as he "understands her and they have SOOO much in common."  *gag/sigh

I do not know her parents well and really do not want to talk with them.  I also do not want to lose the girl's trust as she does not have many adults in her life but I feel her parents really need to know what their daughter is doing. I am having a very difficult time feeling good about keeping her secret and it is becoming MY burden, which really has nothing to do with me or my family.  Afterall, she is NOT my daughter!!

If you were in my shoes:

1) Would you tell her parents what their daughter is doing? 

2)How would you tell them? Would you send them an anonymous note? ( repeat, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO THEM)

3)If it were your daughter, would you want someone to tell you what she was doing?

EDIT: I do not know the boy or his family.
The boy's parents do not know about the girl friend as he is not yet allowed to date.

by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:37 PM
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by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:41 PM
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if you have expressed to her your feelings on the matter and informed her of the consequences, i would say just let it be.  She is an adult and you have done what you can do and been open with her.  I would continue to be open about it and just hope it dies out and nothing bad happens. 

by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:42 PM
I'd say just give her the best advice possible and stay out of it.. It's not THAT bad however I dont think it's normal when a 19 year old wants to date a 15 year old but whatever.. I wouldn't get in the middle of it the truth always comes out to light and just because you tell her parents doesn't mean she will stop she's 19 there's not much they could really do... And sounds to me like she really trusts you just make sure to let her know just how bad you truly think this is... I mean how do his parents not know?
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by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:50 PM
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she is at legal age but he isn' write his parents a note let them take care of it..

by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:53 PM
I would not talk to her parents, but I might call the cops. She is a grown woman. She will need to suffer the consequences of her actions.

If it were my kids Id probably feel the same (I have 2 daughters)
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by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:55 PM

My response was killed by the edit.

by Michelle on Dec. 30, 2011 at 2:51 PM

I would keep my mouth shut.

by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 4:53 PM
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I would not say anything the girl is an adult if she gets caught that's on her. Just keep giving her advice you can only talk to her but you can not control her thoughts and actions GL
by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 5:21 PM

 What is the age difference between you and your DH/SO? I was 15 and my DH was 19 when we started dating...we have been married for 25 years.

I think the young lady is an adult and she knows what the consequences are if she gets physical with him. It's probably best if you let her handle her business..

by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 5:21 PM
She's of age. What can they really do unless she is still living with her parents? Let it be, she's confided in you so keep that between you and her. She's of age and they aren't doing anything illegal. I'm sure if it were my kid, I would want to know, but its not like she's 14 years old or something. Let it be and let it play out own its on.
by on Dec. 30, 2011 at 5:46 PM
I would let it be. She is technically an adult and should know better! You can warn her but there's not much left to do other than that.
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