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My sister treats my oldest ds as her own... but not in a good way. :(

I am just beside myself.  My family celebrated Christmas together back home in KS yesterday.  My oldest sister (I'm the baby of 3 girls) has 2 boys ages 16 and 18 (her 18 yo is living with my mom).  We lost our dad in June, and she took my son to go to the funeral home to see his body without my permission. I was led to believe that they were going to the flower shop.  I felt this was a time for my kids to be with me.  This was the first death any of my kids have experienced that they were old enough to understand.  I was absolutely infuriated.  Each of our families were supposed to go up separately so we could have our own quiet personal moments.  Needless to say, there were MAJOR issues when I found out where they had gone.

Yesterday, she went over the top.  My sister is rather liberal, the complete opposite of the rest of the family.  We just don't see eye to eye on raising kids.  When she showed up at our Mom's house, she brought in a bottle of chocolate vodka and announced that it was for the adults and HER boys.  :O  REALLY???  Okay, fine, they're you're boys and I have no say in what you allow your kids to do.  BUT, when I went into the living room to check on the younger kids, she gave my oldest ds a drink of it!!!!  I didn't know about it until about 10 minutes later when she told me she gave him a drink.  I came UNGLUED on her.  I reminded her that my kids are my kids and she needs to ask me before doing things like that.  Then I asked her why she never does inappropriate things with our sister's kids (also ages 16 and 18... she also has a 22 year old who's in Afghanistan), and she wouldn't answer me.  I have a ZERO tolerance for MY kids drinking underage.  My ds got grounded right in front of her for making a bad decision.  We have had talks about alcohol and drugs, and he knew where I stood.  Since it was his aunt giving it to him, and I was in the house, he thought I would be okay with it.  When I grounded him, I told him how disappointed in him I was, and that I don't know how I'm going to be able to trust him.  If he's going to take a drink of alcohol while I'm in the same house; what is he going to do if he's at a friend's house when I'm not around? 

It just breaks my heart knowing that my son, at age 15, has already had his first drink of alcohol. :(  Luckily, he didn't get mad when I grounded him.  He apologized and admitted that he had made a bad decision. 

I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

by on Jan. 5, 2012 at 8:56 PM
Replies (11-20):
candimalice
by on Jan. 5, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Wow that's... wow! Its a good thing your son realizes his bad call though!
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ashleywagoner
by on Jan. 5, 2012 at 11:13 PM
I agree!


Quoting Pammi86:

I would be angry too! If your sister can not respect the fact that you are the parent then maybe she needs some time away from you and your kids.

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Lynzee.Limon
by on Jan. 6, 2012 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this

i would be super angry, but at least (in a very small positive way) his first drink of alcohol was in a safe place and not later on at a friends house where something bad could have happened... and at least (in another small way) it was just a TASTE... not a full cup all to himself..

=/ but yeah, I would be pretty mad too..

PinkParadox
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 2:13 PM

Obviously you guys have issues outside of your children.  I would find a way to work things out between the two of you, with no one else around or involved (except maybe a counselor).  Obviously giving your 15 year old liquor was in no way appropriate...but, there are certainly some much deeper issues here.  Nothing changes a person like true acceptance for who they are....she's never going to live up to who you think she should be.  The sooner the two of you come to terms with it, the happier your life will be.  Just shutting her out of your life will bother you when you're old...

Quoting praisinghim2day:

I live 3 hours away from my family and normally only see her 2-3x a year.  (Thank God.) 2011 was certainly different with the illness and death of our father. 

There are so many things in her life that I don't agree with, not just when it comes to the kids.  At the age of 44, she's extremely irresponsible in so many ways.  She doesn't work, sits on her ass and doesn't lift a finger around the house (leaves everything to her dh and ds) her hubby makes great money, but they blow it on things like concerts, weekend get aways, NFL season tickets, jewelry... etc.  Then expect my mom to pay their bills.  My folks bailed them out of foreclosure 6x in 2 years.  Dad finally bought their house.  There is no way they should be struggling financially.

Quoting Pammi86:

I would be angry too! If your sister can not respect the fact that you are the parent then maybe she needs some time away from you and your kids.



mich.el.le
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 3:11 PM

 While I agree with you for being mad at your sister, I think it was waay wrong of you to ground your son.  To him, she was an authority figure and he thought you'd be ok with it.  For you to scold him in front of everyone and ground him I don't think was good. :(  Your sister pisses me off and she isn't even mine.

praisinghim2day
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Quoting mich.el.le:

 While I agree with you for being mad at your sister, I think it was waay wrong of you to ground your son.  To him, she was an authority figure and he thought you'd be ok with it.  For you to scold him in front of everyone and ground him I don't think was good. :(  Your sister pisses me off and she isn't even mine.




I can definitely see why you would think that. Here is my reasoning for what I did. When we have talked about drugs and alcohol, I told him zero tolerance (outside of communion). I didn't want him to think that I would make any form of exception. I never thought I would have to worry about my own sister, thats for sure. I am following through with the rules I gave him. I didn't like grounding him, I would have much rather have beat the crap out of her.

I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

3brown1blue
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Smh if my sister had done that...OMG I would have been Sooo pissed off. I have 9 more years to go for my DS to be 15...I hope I can properly teach him well like you have...sure your son made a mistake but he quickly realized what he had done wrong...ugh so not looking forward to my kids growing up...can't I just keep them both in a bubble???
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KRIZZ25
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i wish my heart would just stop.
Yesterday at 7:04 PM
by Member on Jan. 7, 2012 at 5:07 PM

 well he mite have already have had his first drink ..chances are he has had sum..but put Ur foot down asap..

kotabearsmama
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I would be angry as well. Your son isn't HER son, and she needs to respect that boundary. 

praisinghim2day
by on Jan. 7, 2012 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I can see why he MIGHT have thought it was okay... beings I was there (although not in the same room), and it was his aunt who offered it.  I just don't want him to think that he's going to be allowed to drink if he goes to her house. Kwim? :/  It wasn't an easy thing to do, for sure.  I am lucky in the fact that he was able to sit down with me after the fact and talk to me about it.  (I wasn't yelling or anything... just talking)  He knows his aunt was in the wrong, and so was he.  He's taking his grounding very well.  I think he's more upset that he disappointed me than anything. 

Love your bubble idea!  Lmk if you figure out how to do that!!!  ;)

Quoting 3brown1blue:

Smh if my sister had done that...OMG I would have been Sooo pissed off. I have 9 more years to go for my DS to be 15...I hope I can properly teach him well like you have...sure your son made a mistake but he quickly realized what he had done wrong...ugh so not looking forward to my kids growing up...can't I just keep them both in a bubble???


I'm divorced mommy of three and there are no "baby daddies". I'm a staunch right wing republican and a professional cosmetologist (hair, nails, makeup etc) working my tail off to make my own way in this world. I breastfed my kids and rewarded myself with a boob job to put back what the breastfeeding fairy took away. I believe in tough love, rules, boundaries, discipline and follow through. My kids do not rule the roost. They say yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes please and no thank you. Because of the values and respect that I've taught them, other people don't mind being around them. I spanked my kids just like my mom spanked me and we've all turned out fine. We're a hard playin', fun lovin' family. This is me, take it or leave it.

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