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I finally put them in their place!!!! Long vent

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And it felt great!!! My mil and fil are so disrespectful. I always let it roll off and try to be the bigger person. Well today I had it!!! Ugh and it felt great. My mil told dh I'm not a good mom I'm too protective and I don't let the kids do enough. Also I didn't try hard enough to breastfeed. Ok first off I tried so hard to breast feed and cried and cried because I couldn't produce milk. I had a tumor removed when I was 17 so only one boob makes milk. So that made me hot! Well his aunt has a son that has bipolar disorder. He is my age and I also have bipolar disorder. So on Christmas she was asking me about different meds and stuff. I told her what I take and that it's helped so much. My fil has the nerve to ask me if I forgot to take it a few days before. Really!? Medicine doesn't fix everything!!!! You wouldn't make fun of a kid with a noticeable disorder would you? My brain doesn't work right. I can not help that I wish I could!!! Anyways I let it slide and just kept talking to his aunt. I have a thing were I don't like shoes on my carpet. Mil and fil both walk on my carpets with their shoes on. Well dh says its their dress shoes it shouldn't matter. Really!!! I make my dad take off his boots and my mom her tennis shoes that they only wear out and they can't slide their shoes off!? I have OCD also and I have tried not to let it affect my life but it does. Everything has to be a certain way and cleaned and done a certain way. They are just so disrespectful! anyways they came in my house today after I heard more like read the breastfeeding comment on my dh text and I was fuming. The kids and I were walking out the door and I was rude to them. For the first time I actually snapped back at their rude comments and disrespect. My dh said they want to see the kids and I said I don't give a f**k! :))) it felt great!!!!! They tried talking to me and I ignored them. I have put up with it for 5 yrs and when mil said something about my parenting and fil said something about my meds I had it. Sorry needed to vent and I feel so much better!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 8, 2012 at 1:28 PM
Replies (21-29):
bostonterrio
by on Jan. 9, 2012 at 6:51 PM
2 moms liked this

  It appears that you feel your in laws are disrespectful towards you. I can understand that after holding it in for so long you finally had enough but your choice of words was not appropriate. It will give them more fuel to use against you. If you want to be respected it makes it harder to request that respect if you are disrespectful to them. Your children need to learn by your example and by speaking that way in front of them you have inadvertently caused some confusion about how they are expected to respond to their elders. 

My oldest daughter has OCD and I try to respect her rules when she is in her own apartment but I know I do slip at times. Sometimes it is difficult for those of us without OCD to understand how frustrating it is when we break the rules that our OCD friends or families have established.

MsDean
by on Jan. 9, 2012 at 7:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Way to go! People will treat you how you let them.

Kristin42010
by on Jan. 9, 2012 at 9:21 PM
I agree with I should not have said that in front of my kids. However I have tried for yrs to make them respect me and have always been nice and respectful to them. Not to recieve it. In my eyes at least now they have a reason to disrespect
me. Because before there wasn't one. It would be different if they just forgot but they don't care. His mom has even told people at a cook out here not to take their shoes off. If i say something about their shoes they get smart and say stuff like well the dogs are on the carpet. I know my mom still does things and knows I can't handle them. Not to hurt me but because it's hard for her to remember. Their whole demeanor towards me is disrespectful. They belittle me. You know when someone is being smart with you just by how they speak? That's what they do to me.


Quoting bostonterrio:

  It appears that you feel your in laws are disrespectful towards you. I can understand that after holding it in for so long you finally had enough but your choice of words was not appropriate. It will give them more fuel to use against you. If you want to be respected it makes it harder to request that respect if you are disrespectful to them. Your children need to learn by your example and by speaking that way in front of them you have inadvertently caused some confusion about how they are expected to respond to their elders. 

My oldest daughter has OCD and I try to respect her rules when she is in her own apartment but I know I do slip at times. Sometimes it is difficult for those of us without OCD to understand how frustrating it is when we break the rules that our OCD friends or families have established.


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bostonterrio
by on Jan. 9, 2012 at 11:39 PM
1 mom liked this

    In a way I feel bad for your inlaws. Their attitude is only going to cause distance between them and your children. You have every right to insist on being respected in your home. I don't think your being unresponsible in your expectations. Hopefully you can avoid being around them as much as possible. What a frustrating situation for you!

Kristin42010
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 4:49 AM
I've always made sure they have seen my kids equally to my parents. I think this will stop all of that.


Quoting bostonterrio:

    In a way I feel bad for your inlaws. Their attitude is only going to cause distance between them and your children. You have every right to insist on being respected in your home. I don't think your being unresponsible in your expectations. Hopefully you can avoid being around them as much as possible. What a frustrating situation for you!


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Teeshann
by Member on Jan. 10, 2012 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 good for you.

kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2012 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

 First of all...Wow. I know what you are going through! The only difference is...its not my mil. Its my MOTHER.  Secondly...Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.  If only I could do the same.  No matter what I say or do it doesn't change how I am treated. So what I did was move several states away.  My only communication with her is over the phone, through social media and such. She has only visited us twice in 10 yrs. ( thankfully. or I would lose my mind!)  She has since learned that because I won't give in and move back, that I mean business.  So she gets a little uppity with me and feels it necessary to demean me in every way she can.  So I won't talk to her for awhile when she acts like this.  I will say that my mil did tell me one time that our staying with her for awhile caused her and her husband to have heart attacks. Ha! Her doctor told her that it takes a minimum of 10 yrs of build up to cause the kind of heart attack that her and her husband had.  Meaning...we didn't cause their heart attacks. The only reason that I am even bothered by such a statement is this... how could someone say that to a child? a young child at that? Why would someone do that? I haven't gone back since that statement was made. Nor will I. I have taken all the junk from anyone that I am going to take. My view is...you show/treat me with respect and I will do so in return.

Hopefully I can learn from this and verbally stand up for myself. hmmmm.  I doubt it. lol

Kristin42010
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Well I don't know if dh defends you but my dh is always defending his parents. So I went to see a divorce lawyer this morning. I've decided this is why my life is the way it is. I hope you are able to stand up for yourself. I stayed quiet for so long until I literally just lost it. Now 2 of my cousins aren't speaking to me(they took up for dh when they didn't know the situation) and I am no longer talking to mil and fil. They owe me an apology. As far as dh and I are concerned I just don't care anymore. GL momma!!!


Quoting kirbymom:

 First of all...Wow. I know what you are going through! The only difference is...its not my mil. Its my MOTHER.  Secondly...Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.  If only I could do the same.  No matter what I say or do it doesn't change how I am treated. So what I did was move several states away.  My only communication with her is over the phone, through social media and such. She has only visited us twice in 10 yrs. ( thankfully. or I would lose my mind!)  She has since learned that because I won't give in and move back, that I mean business.  So she gets a little uppity with me and feels it necessary to demean me in every way she can.  So I won't talk to her for awhile when she acts like this.  I will say that my mil did tell me one time that our staying with her for awhile caused her and her husband to have heart attacks. Ha! Her doctor told her that it takes a minimum of 10 yrs of build up to cause the kind of heart attack that her and her husband had.  Meaning...we didn't cause their heart attacks. The only reason that I am even bothered by such a statement is this... how could someone say that to a child? a young child at that? Why would someone do that? I haven't gone back since that statement was made. Nor will I. I have taken all the junk from anyone that I am going to take. My view is...you show/treat me with respect and I will do so in return.


Hopefully I can learn from this and verbally stand up for myself. hmmmm.  I doubt it. lol


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Nerys-Kianna
by Member on Jan. 10, 2012 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes enough is enough. You only can take so much. Good job on your side, that you stood up and showed them that enough is enough.

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