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I have been married to my husband for 2.5 years. He has 3 children from a previous marriage. I have 1 child from a previous marriage and together we have our 1 yr old. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship. What we mostly argue about is our kids. My husband will sometimes say how he wants to just take his kids somewhere to be how it used to be before my son and me came along. I dont understand. I never understand. My son lives with us and he goes to his dads every other weekend. My husbands kids come to our house 2 days a week and every other weekend, and every sunday. I understand my husband wants to see his kids more but what i dont understand is why he needs to just take his kids. He doesnt do it often but once in a while he says it and acts upon it. I get very upset and hurt i suppose. I guess what bothers me is i am staying home with OUR son as well. He always says i dont get it since i have my son here all the time. I guess what also bothers me is we are a family. Why cant we do family activites. He chose to be a family when he asked me to marry him so i guess i always feel that we should always do activities as a family!! Am i being jealous or do i have a right to be upset?? UGH the stress...

by on Jan. 8, 2012 at 2:23 PM
Replies (21-27):
mommyb168910
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 7:30 AM


 

Quoting jpalmer:

 

Quoting OliviasMommy611:

I'd be pissed.

Quoting mommyb168910:

So i shoudnt get mad?? I feel like all those things should be family time for all of us!! We are a family..i dont no..i still feel upset about it..and thinking about me hurts..:(


Quoting goddess99:


Maybe he's feeling guilty about his other kids. I would just let him go, I wouldn't care. I mean if they are just going to go to a movie and get a bite to eat after or maybe go bowling or whatever I honestly wouldn't care. It's a bonding time for all of them that they don't get every day.


 

I would be pissed to...we have a blended family and even though my dh spends one on one with the kiddos we do make it a point that it is ONE on one time...(we have three kids so he will set a date with one at a time) that way no one feels neglected...now we do have family date night where everyone in the house goes but it's NEVER just his kids and mine...we married so all the kids are OUR kids...good luck momma

^ this is how i feel...its our family!! but i do agree with you!! My husband has tried for one on one time with each of his children and his ex wife wont go for it. they fought a lot about it in court...but no go!! but he is still trying...thanks somuch..

Tigress22304
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 7:58 AM

I know where you're coming from-DH and I been together 5 yrs though-no children together-and in the last year or so every Sunday has to be "their" day together-they'll leave around 10-11am and not come home til 5-6 when its time to get them ready for their drop off at their moms. It drives me insane because it's another day Im stuck at home with my daughter with no help whatsoever. You and he need to talk things through-once in awhile it couldnt hurt to do a small activity with his kids-but if he's gone for long hours on a weekly basis-then I can understand the issue.

LoriDeen
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 8:56 AM

My DH sometimes takes his daughters out for the day, and I have no problem with it. I also occasionally do something with just my son from a previous marriage. It's nothing against you at all.  Sometimes I get nostalgic for the time when it my son and me "against the world" because we were very close and it was our own little world.  I'm sure DH looks back fondly on his time with his daughters the same way. And we both come back from our evenings with our kids realizing that we wouldn't change our lives for the world. That time without our partner has reminded us that we really DO love being with each other and having a blended family.  Don't try to force this issue - it will only make him resent you and could push him away. By being understanding, you'll let him know that you're confident in your relationship with him.  Why not take your son and do something special with him on those days?

mommyb168910
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 1:34 PM

As i read what you are saying i said to my self gosh im so selfish!! Im not trying to be selfish..I guess what bothers me is together we have a 1 yr old. And i always have our 1 yr old, which i love. But i cant do the things my son wants to since i him. My husband doesnt ask to take him on his ventures with his kids..I think thats what bothers me the most maybe..

Quoting LoriDeen:

My DH sometimes takes his daughters out for the day, and I have no problem with it. I also occasionally do something with just my son from a previous marriage. It's nothing against you at all.  Sometimes I get nostalgic for the time when it my son and me "against the world" because we were very close and it was our own little world.  I'm sure DH looks back fondly on his time with his daughters the same way. And we both come back from our evenings with our kids realizing that we wouldn't change our lives for the world. That time without our partner has reminded us that we really DO love being with each other and having a blended family.  Don't try to force this issue - it will only make him resent you and could push him away. By being understanding, you'll let him know that you're confident in your relationship with him.  Why not take your son and do something special with him on those days?


mommyb168910
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 1:37 PM

DH is gone all day all week. He leaves at 7 and doesnt come home until 6. The winter is different because his business is not as busy! But the summer he is gone sometimes from dawn till dusk. And i am at home the whole time. I can go and do what i want but i usually want to wait for his kids to be with us. We also have a 1 yr old that i cant just take everywhere. It def makes it tough since i always have kids...lol He is home when his kids are here!! He makes sure of that so he can spend the time with them!! I am going to talk to him!! Thanks :)

Quoting Tigress22304:

I know where you're coming from-DH and I been together 5 yrs though-no children together-and in the last year or so every Sunday has to be "their" day together-they'll leave around 10-11am and not come home til 5-6 when its time to get them ready for their drop off at their moms. It drives me insane because it's another day Im stuck at home with my daughter with no help whatsoever. You and he need to talk things through-once in awhile it couldnt hurt to do a small activity with his kids-but if he's gone for long hours on a weekly basis-then I can understand the issue.


Tigress22304
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mommyb168910:

DH is gone all day all week. He leaves at 7 and doesnt come home until 6. The winter is different because his business is not as busy! But the summer he is gone sometimes from dawn till dusk. And i am at home the whole time. I can go and do what i want but i usually want to wait for his kids to be with us. We also have a 1 yr old that i cant just take everywhere. It def makes it tough since i always have kids...lol He is home when his kids are here!! He makes sure of that so he can spend the time with them!! I am going to talk to him!! Thanks :)

Quoting Tigress22304:

I know where you're coming from-DH and I been together 5 yrs though-no children together-and in the last year or so every Sunday has to be "their" day together-they'll leave around 10-11am and not come home til 5-6 when its time to get them ready for their drop off at their moms. It drives me insane because it's another day Im stuck at home with my daughter with no help whatsoever. You and he need to talk things through-once in awhile it couldnt hurt to do a small activity with his kids-but if he's gone for long hours on a weekly basis-then I can understand the issue.


Well he needs to understand that you need your down time as well! My Dh isn't perfect-but there are times when he'll draw me a bath and lock me in the bathroom-or lock me in our bedroom for a nap while he takes the kids out to play. That means his kids and my DD

in love Katboy n girlteen girl

LoriDeen
by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I would bet that the reasons he doesn't take your son along are two-fold:

1. It would defeat the purpose of spending time with JUST his children from a previous marriage so that he can have the old dynamic of their relationship before you came along, just for a few hours. If he did that, he might as well take you along. Remember, he is wanting just a bit of undivided time with his children from a prior relationship, and these children probably really miss that time with him now that there is a new family!

2. Your son is too young to fully participate in these outings.

Keep in mind that you are the one who has DH the majority of the time, and his children from before may love you, but they have actually sacrificed a great deal when you joined their family. I know it's hard sometimes, but you'll realize over time that your husband's heart is more than big enough for all of you!


Quoting mommyb168910:

As i read what you are saying i said to my self gosh im so selfish!! Im not trying to be selfish..I guess what bothers me is together we have a 1 yr old. And i always have our 1 yr old, which i love. But i cant do the things my son wants to since i him. My husband doesnt ask to take him on his ventures with his kids..I think thats what bothers me the most maybe..

Quoting LoriDeen:

My DH sometimes takes his daughters out for the day, and I have no problem with it. I also occasionally do something with just my son from a previous marriage. It's nothing against you at all.  Sometimes I get nostalgic for the time when it my son and me "against the world" because we were very close and it was our own little world.  I'm sure DH looks back fondly on his time with his daughters the same way. And we both come back from our evenings with our kids realizing that we wouldn't change our lives for the world. That time without our partner has reminded us that we really DO love being with each other and having a blended family.  Don't try to force this issue - it will only make him resent you and could push him away. By being understanding, you'll let him know that you're confident in your relationship with him.  Why not take your son and do something special with him on those days?



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