Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

What to do when you wanna keep the peace and your two seconds from screaming

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 11:46 PM
  • 54 Replies

I am the mother to a 1 yr old baby girl. This is my first and only child. I am also a stay at home mother and wife. To some what I’m about to say may sound little but for me and the way that I was raised this is a huge deal. I am literally to my limit with my daughters grandmother. This woman has to literally be out of her mind!!! Sometimes I wonder if she is obsessed with my daughter. This woman has a total of six grandchildren including mine. Out of all of her grands she has no interest in none of them but two that would be mines and my husband other child. She is extremely overbearing when we come to her home to visit she immediately takes over all of my responsibities as her mother like feeding her, changing her, carrying her around with her everywhere she go, trying to put her to sleep if its her nap time. As soon as we walk in the door she literally began to take her out of my arms. I work for this woman two days out of the week in her home so she is guaranteed two days out of the week to see my daughter and yet and still when we see her at church she still feels the need to ask me to keep that night!!! Just this past week I did have to work for her and for three days straight this woman repeatedly called and texted my phone and left voice messages about coming to see my daughter. Sunday I did not answer her or reply to her texts and the nest thing I know she is banging on my door unannounced to I guess try to force her way to my daughter. Please let me make this clear before I end this I have no problem with her seeing my daughter, and I am truly thankful that she is so open and willing to keep my daughter at anytime. My problem is I was raised by a single parent my mother always had me with her she never handed me off to family members for thee weekends or anything like that I can count on both hands how many times I stayed with my grandmother. I am not the type of parent that needs a break from my baby, as a parent I feel my time to recollect myself from a trying day with my child should be her naptime and bedtime (which is at 9 I go to bed around 12 more than enough time). As I mentioned before I am a stay at home mother. For me I would feel totally less of a mother to have my daughter off at someone else’s house while Im at home doing nothing but cleaning up. Am I wrong ? Am I being selfish? Please tell me what I should do?

by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 11:46 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
splatz
by Sarah on Jan. 11, 2012 at 12:26 AM
I would be glad that she wants to be involved. My kids don't get much time with their grandparents.

But, on the other hand it does seem overbearing. And slightly obsessive with the calls, texts, showing up, etc.. Have you talked to your husband about this? How does he feel? Have you talked to her about how you feel?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BethScarlett
by on Jan. 11, 2012 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this

First, I don't think your being selfish.

Second, that woman seems a little crazy, no offence.

Third, I have been in this situation.

My son's grandmother was like that. I would invite her over to my apartment and she would take over. Then all of a sudden she leaves the house with an overnight bag for my 6 month old son! When I called her that night, I told her I appreciate what she does to help, but I dont need it. I told her that when I feel like I need help, I would call her right away. Of course, that didn't help. So, I packed a bag for me and my son and just kind of left for a few days on a little vacation. It was fun while it lasted. I really needed to get away because I was seconds away from screaming. When I came back, I told her that she needed to back off and give us a little space. I also would hold my son a lot more so she couldn't get to him. I would invite her over, and when she got a little crazy with him, I would put him down for a nap. When I went to visit her, I would leave before it got crazy. She backed off eventually, but it took time. What I did may sound a bit selfish, but I wasn't used to people breathing down my neck all the time.

Good Luck! HUGS!

fingers crossed

 

tanishagreene
by on Jan. 11, 2012 at 12:31 AM


Quoting splatz:

I would be glad that she wants to be involved. My kids don't get much time with their grandparents.

But, on the other hand it does seem overbearing. And slightly obsessive with the calls, texts, showing up, etc.. Have you talked to your husband about this? How does he feel? Have you talked to her about how you feel?


Well when it comes to my husband he kinda tries to stay clear of the drama so whenever I say somerthing to him about it its like ok ok i hear ya baby next subject.. And as far as me talking to her about it she is so overly attached that if I say anyhting that even hintss to the idea of ok you need to calm down a little or geez its really not that serious she gets offended or upset like it should be my obligation to freely give my dd to her.

tanishagreene
by on Jan. 11, 2012 at 12:38 AM


Quoting BethScarlett:

First, I don't think your being selfish.

Second, that woman seems a little crazy, no offence.

Third, I have been in this situation.

My son's grandmother was like that. I would invite her over to my apartment and she would take over. Then all of a sudden she leaves the house with an overnight bag for my 6 month old son! When I called her that night, I told her I appreciate what she does to help, but I dont need it. I told her that when I feel like I need help, I would call her right away. Of course, that didn't help. So, I packed a bag for me and my son and just kind of left for a few days on a little vacation. It was fun while it lasted. I really needed to get away because I was seconds away from screaming. When I came back, I told her that she needed to back off and give us a little space. I also would hold my son a lot more so she couldn't get to him. I would invite her over, and when she got a little crazy with him, I would put him down for a nap. When I went to visit her, I would leave before it got crazy. She backed off eventually, but it took time. What I did may sound a bit selfish, but I wasn't used to people breathing down my neck all the time.

Good Luck! HUGS!

fingers crossed

 

omgness and I thought I had it bad I would have laid her out just packing a overnight bag an dup and leaving with my child. And I definitely dont find what you did selfish but smart instead. I actually tried the holding her the whole time thing but her grandmother is such a baby spoiler and ruiner that sometimes if I have to reprimand my daughter for bad behavior she immediately runs to her because she knows she will butter her up another anoyance the whole good grandma bad momma game!!

Pammi86
by Pamela on Jan. 11, 2012 at 7:18 AM
I don't think your being selfish! I usually take a break and walk away for a minute then jump right back in there! My dd is about 8 months and super clingy. My mil always wants to take over my job when she's around and although I appreciate her help its annoying at times! Like when she calls and the baby is crying she yells and says I'm doing something wrong and honestly I'm not! Its stressful being a mom and dealing with everyone else at the same time!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
saltyalley1227
by on Jan. 11, 2012 at 7:35 AM
1 mom liked this

That's tough.  I dont get the impression she is trying to be intentionally mean or rude to you, which can almost make it harder.  Was she a stay at home mom?  maybe she feels differently than you and is trying to be nice and give you a break.  At least when you are over there she is trying to take care of the duties. 

My in laws are really over-bearing in regards to time with my son, but when im there they do nothing to care for him, just make him hyper, give him candy and other things I dont let him have, etc.  someone left the door open to the basement stairs and even though i was on the other side of the room, and my FIL was about 4 ft away, my son was at the top of the stairs and I had to RUN across the room and grab him so he wouldnt go tumbling down. 

I am like you in that, I had kids because I WANTED them, I dont need someone to watch them for me, their mine, my responsibility. 

I would try to focus on all the positive sides of it and that you have one BIG thing in common, you are both crazy about your daughter.  Maybe casually mention in conversation how much you like being a mom and you dont get those women who are constantly pawning their kids off on babysitters and daycare, just to give her a little hint maybe.  you could also maybe mention the other grandkids and has she seen them lately, how are they doing, etc.  I am sure there is probably some envy on that side of the spectrum too.

good luck and try to stay positive.  maybe mention how you feel to your husband and see if he can think of anything.  He is probably her favorite, which is why your kids are her favorites.  itll benefit them in the future though, so keep positive and try to stay open with her.  GOOD LUCK!!!

trishaleigh1313
by on Jan. 11, 2012 at 7:42 AM

i would be happy that she wants to help  or see her but also it does seem like shes being kinda pushy i dont ask anyone to watch my kids either unless i absolutely have to.  maybe u could try talking to her or even u and your husband talking to her if that might help. cause thats the only thing i can think of at this point sorry i hope it works out for u

goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 11, 2012 at 9:13 AM

I love that my mom takes my dd on weekends. Alone time for me and dh. But I was also raised that way. I NEVER spent a weekend at my house. I was always at my grandparents house and Loved every second of it.

Janet
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2012 at 6:05 PM

 agree

Quoting saltyalley1227:

That's tough.  I dont get the impression she is trying to be intentionally mean or rude to you, which can almost make it harder.  Was she a stay at home mom?  maybe she feels differently than you and is trying to be nice and give you a break.  At least when you are over there she is trying to take care of the duties. 

My in laws are really over-bearing in regards to time with my son, but when im there they do nothing to care for him, just make him hyper, give him candy and other things I dont let him have, etc.  someone left the door open to the basement stairs and even though i was on the other side of the room, and my FIL was about 4 ft away, my son was at the top of the stairs and I had to RUN across the room and grab him so he wouldnt go tumbling down. 

I am like you in that, I had kids because I WANTED them, I dont need someone to watch them for me, their mine, my responsibility. 

I would try to focus on all the positive sides of it and that you have one BIG thing in common, you are both crazy about your daughter.  Maybe casually mention in conversation how much you like being a mom and you dont get those women who are constantly pawning their kids off on babysitters and daycare, just to give her a little hint maybe.  you could also maybe mention the other grandkids and has she seen them lately, how are they doing, etc.  I am sure there is probably some envy on that side of the spectrum too.

good luck and try to stay positive.  maybe mention how you feel to your husband and see if he can think of anything.  He is probably her favorite, which is why your kids are her favorites.  itll benefit them in the future though, so keep positive and try to stay open with her.  GOOD LUCK!!!

 

Janet
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2012 at 6:07 PM

 I know my kids wish I was this way...lol. I am already raising two of my DGS so that may by why I'm not at all. I need the break!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)