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What to do when you wanna keep the peace and your two seconds from screaming

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I am the mother to a 1 yr old baby girl. This is my first and only child. I am also a stay at home mother and wife. To some what I’m about to say may sound little but for me and the way that I was raised this is a huge deal. I am literally to my limit with my daughters grandmother. This woman has to literally be out of her mind!!! Sometimes I wonder if she is obsessed with my daughter. This woman has a total of six grandchildren including mine. Out of all of her grands she has no interest in none of them but two that would be mines and my husband other child. She is extremely overbearing when we come to her home to visit she immediately takes over all of my responsibities as her mother like feeding her, changing her, carrying her around with her everywhere she go, trying to put her to sleep if its her nap time. As soon as we walk in the door she literally began to take her out of my arms. I work for this woman two days out of the week in her home so she is guaranteed two days out of the week to see my daughter and yet and still when we see her at church she still feels the need to ask me to keep that night!!! Just this past week I did have to work for her and for three days straight this woman repeatedly called and texted my phone and left voice messages about coming to see my daughter. Sunday I did not answer her or reply to her texts and the nest thing I know she is banging on my door unannounced to I guess try to force her way to my daughter. Please let me make this clear before I end this I have no problem with her seeing my daughter, and I am truly thankful that she is so open and willing to keep my daughter at anytime. My problem is I was raised by a single parent my mother always had me with her she never handed me off to family members for thee weekends or anything like that I can count on both hands how many times I stayed with my grandmother. I am not the type of parent that needs a break from my baby, as a parent I feel my time to recollect myself from a trying day with my child should be her naptime and bedtime (which is at 9 I go to bed around 12 more than enough time). As I mentioned before I am a stay at home mother. For me I would feel totally less of a mother to have my daughter off at someone else’s house while Im at home doing nothing but cleaning up. Am I wrong ? Am I being selfish? Please tell me what I should do?

by on Jan. 10, 2012 at 11:46 PM
Replies (51-54):
NonaScheib38
by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 2:44 PM

My Mother in law is the same way. Exactly. Only she's deaf and my husband ruins my attempts to learn sign language so I can't talk to her. Tell her how you feel and that she is appreciated, but you don't need her that often and in fact want to spend lots of time w your baby to bond. For me, I used to fight my MIL, assuming that her immediate takeover of my motherly duties was her way of telling me I can't handle it. Now I just let it go and appreciate that she wants to be so involved. The problem now is that I have a son who she doesn't seem as interested in being involved with. She favors my daughter because she's a girl and I won't stand for it. She either treats my kids the same or she doesn't see them- I'm not going to let my son grow up feeling less important or unloved because my MIL has issues. 

ivy801
by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 7:35 PM

At first I was anoyed by your words but as I read on I realized I was never in this situation and couldn't understand it. My MIL wasn't very involve with my daughter until hubby's aunt became her sitter.His aunt would make them spend time together and now they adore each other. It sounds horrible but I think mother in law had a lot on her plate and was dealing with her life and all her problems. My mom came over to stay at our house but didn't interfear with my parenting one bit, I mean she did get a bit annoying with some advice but not as bad as what some moms have said here. She mostly cooked and clean the house so hubby and I could care for the baby. She only stayed a few days. I guess I can be more understanding if I imagine me in your shoes. I agree try talking to her, she might not realize she's being overbearing. My mom gets like that only when my dd is sick and I have to tell her to stop or go home.

UrbanSoccerMom
by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 9:37 PM

nip it in the bud... QUICK. Or you will end up like me.

My mom is like that with my five year old son. She blames her overbearing ways on his autism... She is always criticizing what he wears, what I feed him, everything. He's five, so I let him pick out his own clothes. If they are weather appropriate, I don't really care, lol. Also, I am very picky about his diet and what he eats. But she's old fashioned and thinks he needs to be "fattened up" more even though he is at the 90th percentile for height and weight. He's HUGE. I'm his mom if I need help I will ask. Your job is to visit, play, then go away!!! lol


I told her her new years resolution needs to be for her to let me be an adult.

ravenstears
by on Jan. 13, 2012 at 9:58 PM

Ooooh man I'm in the same situation, only not quite as extreme. I just get a ton of nagging from my SO's side of the family about why I never let them take my daughter "off my hands" for a weekend or a month >.< Noooo thank you!

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