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A Love Letter to C-Section Moms (That Everyone Should Read)

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:54 PM
  • 13 Replies

heart in bookIf I were a DJ, I would be shouting "This one is for the c-section mommies!" And then all the moms who have hadcesareans would cheer "Wooooooo!" We need that. Women who have had c-sections for reasons beyond their control need to feel the love that moms who got to have the natural birth they wanted are allowed to feel. Moms who have had c-sections need and deserve respect and love for the way they birthed. We need to honor all ways of birth, even the ones that didn't go as we planned. Because it is still the way some children are brought into our lives. Hear me out. This isn't about being pro-cesarean. This is about being pro-mom.

You see, some people seem to think there are two kinds of moms -- those who have c-sections and those who do not. This 'battle' divides us, and makes one side feel like a mother who didn't do the right thing.

I had a c-section. I didn't schedule it so I could preserve my vagina, nor did I pick the date because it was convenient. It was necessary and needed. And I really shouldn't have to explain more than that because well, do we go into detail on how there was sexy lingerie, lots of foreplay, and a glass of wine involved in the conception of your baby? No. Birth is (to some) a private and deeply emotional event in a woman's life. Being judged for having a c-section without knowing the details is ... well ... wrong. Many moms like me had to have a c-section in order to be a mother. It's as simple as that. Life or death. A choice that has to be made quickly given the circumstance. Many times the moms who had an emergency c-section or are still having a difficult time processing their birth or were made to believe they needed one despite their parental instincts are the ones who are often silent, and who are silently hurt. This love letter, this awareness I hope to instill in people, this is for you.

We are still mothers. We just had our babies through what I like to call a little kangaroo kind of pouch. 

There may always be questions. Should I have trusted the doctors? Did I do all I could have? And that's okay. C-section moms bear the scar where our babies were born, and we shouldn't continue to be hurt by the insensitive words that many say without realizing that not all c-sections are frivolous choices. We love our babies just as much. Some of us are just as "crunchy" as homebirthers, we are attachment parents, we love our children and have amazing bonds with them.

Our vulnerability comes from feeling unsupported, and words hurt. I fear that some of my own articles on the topic could have even hurt women just like me, but I have always tried to choose my words carefully. I am a natural birth advocate, but am a c-section mommy. I can be both. I am proudly both. It's true that when you have pain or deep hurt because of something, sometimes anything on the topic is tough to read. You feel defensive; you feel the words are directed at you as if you did something wrong. Any woman (or man) who has been through something difficult can relate to that. And the subject of birth or how we birth is the same, perhaps even more challenging to process and work through. This is why we need even more compassion and understanding, These battles that are created -- the c-section moms versus everyone else -- should stop. Generalizing this isn't helpful for women to process they way they birthed if it didn't go according to plan.

Not everything in life goes according to plan.

One of my friends told me that her c-section was the best and worst experience of her life. And that's exactly it for me. It was the best because it enabled me to have my twins healthy after being diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, and the worst because it was frightening and not the way I wanted to birth. It took a long time, but I have come to terms with the way I birthed.

Sometimes the opposite of what we think is best ... is what is really best. Just like how this mom wanted to exclusively breastfeed but found that supplementing with formula helped save her from going into a depression and helped her baby thrive. We cannot judge unless we know the full and complete story, every angle, all the background, and I realize that's not really something we could ever completely know. I don't want the c-section rates to rise because I do want women to have the births they want to have. But I also don't want the women whose births were difficult and resulted in surgery to be made to feel like they did something wrong.

Maybe we can all be a little more kind in the words we choose, remembering those who are challenged with the very topic being discussed. Remembering that many women have guilt or sadness because they absolutely had to have a c-section. I know how hard the recovery is even a year or two after. But we deserve to find peace in the way we had our children. Our path to motherhood may not be the same, but it's our path, something we need to find the beauty in, because all moms deserve that. You deserve that.

Did your birth result in an unwanted but necessary c-section? Are you still processing and coming to terms with your birth?

 

Image via katerha/Flickr

Sarah: Mommy to 2 little monsters. ♥ Mom to Mom Group Mod.

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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bwsmommy
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:57 PM

I had a c section that i didnt want .. because i had done had two other children the natural way .. im praying with the 4th i can do a vbac if my drs will let me . There was nothing fun about my section .. it was an emergency and scary .. =(

goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:57 PM

I wanted a csection from day 1 and got it.

splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Good luck! Hope you get your vbac! :)

Quoting bwsmommy:

I had a c section that i didnt want .. because i had done had two other children the natural way .. im praying with the 4th i can do a vbac if my drs will let me . There was nothing fun about my section .. it was an emergency and scary .. =(


splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:00 PM

They freak me out.... I very narrowly avoided a csection with Kaitlyn.

What made you want one?

Quoting goddess99:

I wanted a csection from day 1 and got it.


goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:04 PM

I didn't want to push a baby out LOL .. true

Quoting splatz:

They freak me out.... I very narrowly avoided a csection with Kaitlyn.

What made you want one?

Quoting goddess99:

I wanted a csection from day 1 and got it.



splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:12 PM

hahaha.... honestly a c-section freaks me out way more than pushing a baby out. Kaitlyn was 9 lbs 6 oz, so I don't think I'm very interested in the idea of labor again. lol!

Quoting goddess99:

I didn't want to push a baby out LOL .. true

Quoting splatz:

They freak me out.... I very narrowly avoided a csection with Kaitlyn.

What made you want one?

Quoting goddess99:

I wanted a csection from day 1 and got it.




goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:14 PM

Zadessa was 9 lbs 7 oz. ...Big babies...

Quoting splatz:

hahaha.... honestly a c-section freaks me out way more than pushing a baby out. Kaitlyn was 9 lbs 6 oz, so I don't think I'm very interested in the idea of labor again. lol!

Quoting goddess99:

I didn't want to push a baby out LOL .. true

Quoting splatz:

They freak me out.... I very narrowly avoided a csection with Kaitlyn.

What made you want one?

Quoting goddess99:

I wanted a csection from day 1 and got it.





Firenygirl180
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:26 PM

My son was a c-section.  I wanted to avoid a c-section at all costs but I knid of knew going into the hospital that I was going to have one.  My grandmother had c-sections with both her kids and my brother and i were both c-sections.

When I hadn't dilated past 2cm in 2.5 weeks I wanted to just schedule a c-section so I could mentally prepare for not having the birth experience that I wanted. I had an ultrasound and NST scheduled 3 days after my due date.  My water broke an hour before my ultrasound appointment.  

We went into the hospital and sat around for abotu 4 hours before I was officially registered and they could give me anything.  I couldn't feel my contractions at all and even though they had checked me quite a few times then never told me how dilated i was. I finally asked and they said i hadn't progressed past 3cm.    They started me on pitocin and within about 3 hours i was in a lot of pain.  I finally wound up having a c-section at 11pm that night.  

I would have been a lot happier without the pitocin and knowing that i was going to wind up having a c-section. 

Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:02 AM

 No c-sections here. I was glad.

mom2gr8tgirls
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I pushed all 3 of mine out...c-sections scared the hell outta me. But I don't think my friends that have had c-sections are any less a mother than I am. Who gives a crap...you still get a baby and lose a ton of sleep in the end. Lol
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