Here is a little background info. I am 24 and 33 weeks pregnant with my first baby and his first son. My fiance and I have been together 5 years in July, he is 20 years older than me.
I am the oldest of my mother's 5 kids and have been taking care of them since I was 8 years old. Getting beat up by abusive men and her drugs were more important than taking care of us. So I did what I had to do to make sure they were okay. I didn't get to play outside, I had to help with homework, bathe them, cook, and even a lot of times didn't eat so my siblings could put something in their stomachs.
So I am not afraid of becoming a mother because I have been taking care of kids since I was 8. With my mom not treating me right or setting the best example, I feel I can't trust anyone. So I feel like it's me and my son against the world.
I did tell my SO how I feel and he was pissed. He asked me who do I trust the most in this world and I said me without even blinking. I just honestly answered his question! He knows my childhood horror stories so I thought he would be more understanding.
I do feel like he is a good man and he will be there for our son no matter what happens but I am not counting on it. My mom had my bfigures while I was in high school so I was a teen mom without having kids myself. Looking back, I told my SO that when my brothers were waking up every two hours and when they were teething were the most difficult times for me. He is not understanding that I am asking for help without asking for it.
I have been seeing a therapist since I was 18 because I wanted to break the cycle. I was also diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety so I was taking meds until May of last year. I felt they were doing more harm than good so I stopped cold Turkey and found out I was going to be a mom a few months later.
Hearing about ppd really scares me since I already have a problem with depression.
Since I am so guarded, I don't know when or who to ask for help. Also, am I supposed to be super woman and figure it out and as a last resort ask or seek help before I pull out all my hair?
I feel that I am a strong woman because I made it through my childhood without losing my mind!
With a newborn and during teething I feel I will need help but it's hard for me to ask for it because I never had anyone to help me with anything growing up. Any suggestions?