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When is it appropriate to ask for help?

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Hi ladies,

Here is a little background info. I am 24 and 33 weeks pregnant with my first baby and his first son. My fiance and I have been together 5 years in July, he is 20 years older than me.

I am the oldest of my mother's 5 kids and have been taking care of them since I was 8 years old. Getting beat up by abusive men and her drugs were more important than taking care of us. So I did what I had to do to make sure they were okay. I didn't get to play outside, I had to help with homework, bathe them, cook, and even a lot of times didn't eat so my siblings could put something in their stomachs.

So I am not afraid of becoming a mother because I have been taking care of kids since I was 8. With my mom not treating me right or setting the best example, I feel I can't trust anyone. So I feel like it's me and my son against the world.

I did tell my SO how I feel and he was pissed. He asked me who do I trust the most in this world and I said me without even blinking. I just honestly answered his question! He knows my childhood horror stories so I thought he would be more understanding.

I do feel like he is a good man and he will be there for our son no matter what happens but I am not counting on it. My mom had my bfigures while I was in high school so I was a teen mom without having kids myself. Looking back, I told my SO that when my brothers were waking up every two hours and when they were teething were the most difficult times for me. He is not understanding that I am asking for help without asking for it.

I have been seeing a therapist since I was 18 because I wanted to break the cycle. I was also diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety so I was taking meds until May of last year. I felt they were doing more harm than good so I stopped cold Turkey and found out I was going to be a mom a few months later.

Hearing about ppd really scares me since I already have a problem with depression.

Since I am so guarded, I don't know when or who to ask for help. Also, am I supposed to be super woman and figure it out and as a last resort ask or seek help before I pull out all my hair?

I feel that I am a strong woman because I made it through my childhood without losing my mind!

With a newborn and during teething I feel I will need help but it's hard for me to ask for it because I never had anyone to help me with anything growing up. Any suggestions?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 15, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Replies (21-22):
hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2012 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry you had to endure all that horror! Some people just ain't fit to be a parent. But that bad experience, prepared you to be a better person and mother. Good luck with everything! Sound like a beautiful person.stay strong!


Quoting misslady80013:

Thank you very much! I didn't want us to get split up and put into Foster care because I hated it and felt very alone!



My mother beat the breaks off me for eating a piece of beef jerky in the middle of the night without permission, I was 5 years old. I could only play with my sister for two hours a day and the kids my age were very mean to me. I went to school with belt buckle marks all over my body, especially my face. My teacher took one look at me and didn't let me go back home. I don't know why they gave us back, I wish they didn't. I will be 25 in April and hate to go grocery shopping. When I see or am within a few feet of the beef jerky stand, I have a flashback, start sweating and shaking, feels like it's happening all over again! I used to love beef jerky, would take that instead of candy as a child. Now I can't even look at it.




Quoting hopealways4019:

You already sound like a great mother to me! I commend you for stepping in, and being a mother to your siblings, when your mother wouldn't, a mother has a tough job! And a child having to take on an adult role, Amazing! I don't like asking for help either, because people always let me down, the only person I can really depend on is myself!


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on Feb. 16, 2012 at 7:06 PM
Aww thank you. I am really trying to stay strong, but I am human and have weak moments. Thanks for your kind words.


Quoting hopealways4019:

Sorry you had to endure all that horror! Some people just ain't fit to be a parent. But that bad experience, prepared you to be a better person and mother. Good luck with everything! Sound like a beautiful person.stay strong!




Quoting misslady80013:

Thank you very much! I didn't want us to get split up and put into Foster care because I hated it and felt very alone!





My mother beat the breaks off me for eating a piece of beef jerky in the middle of the night without permission, I was 5 years old. I could only play with my sister for two hours a day and the kids my age were very mean to me. I went to school with belt buckle marks all over my body, especially my face. My teacher took one look at me and didn't let me go back home. I don't know why they gave us back, I wish they didn't. I will be 25 in April and hate to go grocery shopping. When I see or am within a few feet of the beef jerky stand, I have a flashback, start sweating and shaking, feels like it's happening all over again! I used to love beef jerky, would take that instead of candy as a child. Now I can't even look at it.






Quoting hopealways4019:

You already sound like a great mother to me! I commend you for stepping in, and being a mother to your siblings, when your mother wouldn't, a mother has a tough job! And a child having to take on an adult role, Amazing! I don't like asking for help either, because people always let me down, the only person I can really depend on is myself!



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