Hello to all, I have to say I love cafemom!!! I have connected with so many moms on so many topics! One topic I haven't come across though is taking care of grandparents. I have 1DD and 2 SS's and a wonderful, handsome, loving and supportive DH. I also have my grandparents, not in my home of course, but they are becoming like two more children. I love my grandparents dearly, they raised me for a long time growing up so we are very close. My mother and my uncle both live states away and neither plan on moving back anytime soon! My grandparents are in thier 70's and live in thier own home. About a year ago my grandpa was diagnosed with alzheimers and he was found to be in moderate to late stages. My grandma has done well taking care of him but it's been a battle with her to get things prepared financially and legally for what lies ahead. (She is in avoidance and denial) It has also been a chore to get them to let any help in. I make sure to go over at least once or twice a week and to check in on the phone most every day. I want to be there for them and in alot of ways I have no choice but to be there for them, as I am the only family even in the state. But it's taxing on me. My DH and I both work full time and have 3 active kids that are in sports and school, ect. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. MY DH is so supportive and great about taking over stuff with the kids and keeping the household running. But I hate being so distracted, worn out, and just literally not there with my own family to be the mom I want to be with my kids. I guess I just wondering if there are any other moms out there in the same boat? Looking for advise and tips on dealing with this.
may the patience be with you!
First let me say how that touches my heart you care so much for your grandparents! I am raising 2 of mine and I hope they grow up to be like you. :-)
I on the other hand am starting to worry about my mom. She is getting up there in age and she is forgetting things and not being able to figure things out like she used to, like her bills and things. She is so stubborn though so it's hard to help her in the right way, if you know what I mean.
Sorry, I'm no help just kind of in the same boat and can sympathise with you. Raising these kids and worrying about how to take care of her isn't easy.
We just went through all this. Have you considered using an agency like meals on wheels, maybe a home nurse just to check in weekly or as needed. Also since you mentioned legal issues, you may want to have someone else's name legally put on their home, cars, other property soon. In MI anyway, if they end up in a nursing home, and you sell their home or other property the home gets all the money unless you have other names as owners for at least 7 years prior to sale, then the money is divided up. Literally, we are in the middle of this. Good Luck!!
I commend you for taking on this kind of responsibility. It takes a great amount of patience and love.
Check with your area association of aging. They can review what options are available. There may be some kind adult day care or visiting nurse that can help. They can also help prepare the legal and financial things that need to be taken care of. Many of those things may be free or low cost to have prepared. Check Meals on Wheels. Check into local senior centers. Many of them have some kind of lunch programs. Do they attend church? Maybe there is something thru the church that can also help with meals and rides.
Quoting goddess99:
We just went through all this. Have you considered using an agency like meals on wheels, maybe a home nurse just to check in weekly or as needed. Also since you mentioned legal issues, you may want to have someone else's name legally put on their home, cars, other property soon. In MI anyway, if they end up in a nursing home, and you sell their home or other property the home gets all the money unless you have other names as owners for at least 7 years prior to sale, then the money is divided up. Literally, we are in the middle of this. Good Luck!!
I Strongly Agree!!!! I have taken care of my Grandparents and I am a CNA for 18 years in a Memory Loss Unit. It is a lot of stress and You have to make me time for you and your family. Meals on wheels is a good one. There would be someone to check on them 5 days a week. Home Health Nurse is also a good one have. Then they could keep an eye on your Grandfather health as he goes thur the different stages. You would be suprise how much people lose because of a Nursing Home getsit all. That really needs to be done right away but it will not be easy on your Grandmother. I wish you Good Luck !!!!
I haven't been through this personally but I just wanted to let you know that you are one special person. Alot of people nowadays would just throw them in a nursing home and let them do the work. I know it is a taxing job on top of all the other jobs. Don't forget to take time out for yourself. Good Luck with everything. Have you ever considered sitting down with your grandfather and have him tell you stories (you can record them while he's telling you or you can write them down) now while he still can remember them that way your grandmother can have a piece of the old him when he progresses and you and your kids will get to know him better and not forget all the good times during the rough ones ahead.
Thank you all for the kinds words and advise. a couple of questions for those of you who have been through this. First, the meals on wheels, do they really qualify if grandma still cooks? Second, the legal/financial deal, If we get grandpa approved for medicaid and put all thier assests in grandma's name only, does it take a period of time before we can use it or be considered "safe" from them loosing everything? I'm hearing alot that it takes years after signing over the assessts for it to be safe. I just worry because I don't feel that we have that long before grandpa will need placement. it may be a year or so but he has really declined over the last few months.
Girl your in a tough boat too! I give kudos to all the grandparents out there raising thier grandchildren. Those kidos are lucky to have such a great influence and someone who loves them that much!!! One thing I've noticed with my situation, in regards to your mom, is we missed the signs and didn't get grandpa diagnosed till he was so far along. I've done some research and the earlier you diagnos alzheimers the more time you have with your loved one to make plans for the future while they still know whats going on. Good luck and def keep in touch!!!! 
may the patience be with you!
Meals on wheels goes by age and possibly income - not sure. I would call and ask. My mom's husband is a bit older than her and he got meals on wheels for a while, and my mom is still active, cooks, cleans, everything so your grandma cooking won't matter.
I believe the time is 7 years but you might want to add another person along with grandma, because she isn't getting any younger and you don't want to lose everything. You would be really surprised how much a nursing home will basically rob you. When we had to get my grandma qualified for medicaid we had to do a huge "spend down" , but my grandpa had already passed away so I'm not sure how that works in your situation.
Quoting mrrn05:Thank you all for the kinds words and advise. a couple of questions for those of you who have been through this. First, the meals on wheels, do they really qualify if grandma still cooks? Second, the legal/financial deal, If we get grandpa approved for medicaid and put all thier assests in grandma's name only, does it take a period of time before we can use it or be considered "safe" from them loosing everything? I'm hearing alot that it takes years after signing over the assessts for it to be safe. I just worry because I don't feel that we have that long before grandpa will need placement. it may be a year or so but he has really declined over the last few months.
Quoting mrrn05:Thank you all for the kinds words and advise. a couple of questions for those of you who have been through this. First, the meals on wheels, do they really qualify if grandma still cooks? Second, the legal/financial deal, If we get grandpa approved for medicaid and put all thier assests in grandma's name only, does it take a period of time before we can use it or be considered "safe" from them loosing everything? I'm hearing alot that it takes years after signing over the assessts for it to be safe. I just worry because I don't feel that we have that long before grandpa will need placement. it may be a year or so but he has really declined over the last few months.
meals on wheels will go to shut ins but you can check with them in your area. You can have the grandparents sell you the home or quit claim it to you and let them still live in it. This may also allow them to be eligible for more aid because they have less assets. Make sure the whole family is on the same page with the plan so it does cause problems later
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- mrrn05
on Feb. 22, 2012 at 12:16 AM