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I don't know what to do! advice needed!

Posted by on Feb. 29, 2012 at 1:57 PM
  • 8 Replies
I have been with my husband for 7 1/2 yrs. Up untill about a year ago, he was occasionally physically and verbally abusive. We've broken up and gotten back together at least 9 times during our relationship. We also have a 3 yo daughter together. About a year ago he was court ordered to attend a batterers group. He has slowly gotten better. He even catches himself when he sometimes gets verbally abusive. The problem is, it seems like the better he gets, the more I pull away. I'm even on the verge of leaving, again. What is wrong with me?! I don't enjoy being abused, but y am I putting up walls now that he's being the way I've always wanted? I need some advice before I possibly make a big mistake.
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by on Feb. 29, 2012 at 1:57 PM
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Replies (1-8):
yourpassion
by Bronze Member on Feb. 29, 2012 at 2:01 PM
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Probably because you are not use to him with his better behavior. so you are guarding yourself incase he reverts back.
It will take time for both of you, but I'm glad he's making progress.
You should find a support group as well. You are going to need help coping with your issues (ie: enabling, codependency, etc. whatever it is) as well as his recovery. Good luck!!!!
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goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 29, 2012 at 2:36 PM

I agree with Kristen. But you honestly Need to do what's best for your child.

splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 29, 2012 at 10:37 PM

I definately agree with joining a support group. Call your local domestic violence shelter and they can give you some references.

jesusgirl76
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I've done the same thing. It's because you can't get what he's done out of your mind. The pulling away is a defense I think. Just go with your gut. From my experience, your gut instinct is God speaking to your heart. Good luck.

cinnamon927
by on Mar. 2, 2012 at 12:24 PM

These all are great advice.....just don't let him abuse you anymore.

ModifiedMamaOf3
by on Mar. 3, 2012 at 9:59 AM

My ex was abusive. And when i finally left him, he tried to strangle me while i was holding our infant son. He was ordered to go to some sort of class. But the girl he got with after me he beat the crap out of her when she was 4 mos pregnant & locked her in the bedroom. She called me crying & apologizing for not listening to my warnings. And now he's abusive to his current gf. IMO people dont change. Good people can make bad decisions, bad people can make good decisions, but the nature of a person don't change. I left & never looked back. And i have a wonderful life now. And after 9 yrs I don't see him changing for long. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've been in that boat & I'm just thinking of what would be best for you & your wee one. No matter what you decide, I wish you the best :)

sllytnkrbl
by on Mar. 3, 2012 at 11:48 AM

 Maybe you should get a little help too.  You may just be shielding yourself - he is what you want now, but you know who he was before and how he hurt you, you are just afraid to trust he really is changing and by putting up the walls you are protecting yourself from being hurt incase he falls back into old habits.  A support group as another person suggested or counseling could help you sort it out.

Janet
by Ruby Member on Mar. 3, 2012 at 12:01 PM

 Great advice!

Quoting yourpassion:

Probably because you are not use to him with his better behavior. so you are guarding yourself incase he reverts back.
It will take time for both of you, but I'm glad he's making progress.
You should find a support group as well. You are going to need help coping with your issues (ie: enabling, codependency, etc. whatever it is) as well as his recovery. Good luck!!!!

 

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