Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

Did I do the right thing? piog

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM
  • 10 Replies

Ok, so DH and I have a fake FB page that we created to see if his family was saying crap about us that they shouldn't have.  Some blocked my real page, I blocked some of them so the only way to check was to create this page. Very long story but they are all toxic, evil people that I don't want in my life but I also want to make sure that they aren't putting stuff out there that isn't true about any of us (they have done that in the past).

So DH has been adding people to this profile so it looks real.  Well last night/early this morning he puts the status as "the worst is being married and in love with someone else. but how do tell those 2 people about how you feel".  2 women that he added (that he knew before he met me) responded and they were all going back and forth.  The one gave him her number.  Mind you the profile is of a female, so this woman thinks she's talking to another woman.  I also saw that this other woman, who he had added but deleted when I asked him to, had emailed her number as well.  When I asked about the phone numbers he said he didn't call or text them and deleted them, didn't save them to his phone.

Here's the kicker.  I have access to his address book on his phone through the backup assistant online.  While he was telling me he didn't add them I saw that he actually had.  So what did I do?  I deleted them both, then synched it back to his phone so the numbers were gone.  Was I wrong for doing this?  I also blocked the one number so he can't call/text and she can't respond.  I know for a fact that he is NOT attracted to the one that I blocked.  But I can't say for sure about the other (according to what she wrote on the status update she's in a relationship but still in love with her ex...and no DH is not her ex).

I know that he messes with people to make himself feel better (it's not something I'm proud that he does and have tried to get him to stop).  Is this just because he's depressed right now?  Or should I really be worried?  BTW I also noticed on the Internet history that he did a search for suicide hotlines that text last night.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
shadow_lark
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

 I think you need to have a serious chat with him.  ask about the suicide hotlines and why he felt the need to do that.  Its strange that he would put that up there on facebook...is it true, or was he just trying to mess with people?  I think you should also ask if he would be wiling to do some therapy.

also, you need to delete that fb page.  Dont worry about what your dh's family is saying about you.  as you said, they are toxic, and the best thing to do with toxic people is to cut them out of your lives and not think about them anymore.  If people care about you, they will come to you for the truth, not just take your IL's word as truth.  And the people who would believe them shouldnt matter...it just shows their true loyalties and theur true character.

Pammi86
by Pamela on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:16 AM
I would sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you know he saved the numbers and you want to know why. Also bring up the suicide line because there could be deeper issues here. Sorry your dealing with this.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
starreyedcutie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:17 AM
You need to get him help for his deoression mama. That's something not to mess around with!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
syoumans77
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:17 AM

Thanks.  I was thinking the same thing about the page (deleting it).  I really don't care, it's DH that cares what others are saying.  We've been working on cutting them out of our lives, but for some reason he feels compelled to still have some contact.   I won't let DD around any of them.

We are in couples therapy right now, but he's not being 100% honest with everything because there are things he doesn't want to share with me.  I'm ok with that, there are things I don't want to share with him.  But we can't get him into 1-1 therapy right now because of money. 

I think he was messing with people, but it still hurt me to see it posted there. 

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:17 AM

I would be having a serious talk with him.

splatz
by Sarah on Mar. 7, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Ummm... bump!

goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 7, 2012 at 12:24 PM

It just seems like there is no trust in your family at all. How sad. I hope that changes. Good luck.

hollydaze1974
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 12:34 PM
your both a little on the nutty side in my opinion.
periwinkle163
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 12:40 PM

 I think that first you need to have a long talk with you dh, then you need to stop playing games with everyone, both of you. If his family is toxic cut them off. Delete the fake page, it's pretty crazy to have one anyway and had it helped? Because it sounds to me that is has caused more problems than solved. Also you both need some sort of therapy, him for messing with other women constantly, and you for thinking that it is just to deal with depression.

periwinkle163
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 12:41 PM

 

Quoting syoumans77:

Thanks.  I was thinking the same thing about the page (deleting it).  I really don't care, it's DH that cares what others are saying.  We've been working on cutting them out of our lives, but for some reason he feels compelled to still have some contact.   I won't let DD around any of them.

We are in couples therapy right now, but he's not being 100% honest with everything because there are things he doesn't want to share with me.  I'm ok with that, there are things I don't want to share with him.  But we can't get him into 1-1 therapy right now because of money. 

I think he was messing with people, but it still hurt me to see it posted there. 

 Most couples therapists will see the couple on an individual basis as part of couple's therapy.

"It is my observations, though, that happiness limits the amount of suffering one is willing to inflict upon others"
— Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)