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holy crap he is spending our bill money on his son!!!!!!!!!

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ok so my ss came to live with us for 6 months in feb. and he is 13. his mother would get him whatever he wanted, we get what he needs....there a three other kids in the house, dh is on SSD, and i am a sahm. his mother went bankrupt by the way. so we have 2 bills still do and he took his son out to the batting cages($35.00) out to eat for lunch($25.00) candy from the store($13.00)his hair cut,which it needed($16.00)and 2 slushies from the gasstation($3.00)plus gas to get all over the place today($10.00). that was $102.00 for the day for him. this is fucken bullshit(sorry). i get yelled at if i spend $3.00 once a month to get a coffee from dunkinD. we just cant be spending like that. i dont do it for my kids. but his son gets what he wants i guess. even if that means bills dont get paid. i am counting down the days until he goes home, then i can get my home back. oh and dh doesnt make him put away his clothes or clen ANYTHING. my 8 yearold just put away all his clothes for next week. right now i could just flip. and just to stop you now, there is no telling him what to spend money on and hat not to. he says its HIS money and he will do with it what he wants. but he wont watch the babies so i can go to work and have money of my own. i get $40.00 a month...thats for gas,tampons,pads,and anything else i might need. but it goes all to gas most of the time. fucked up right??/??

by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 5:21 PM
Replies (31-36):
Celtic_Dragon
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 2:29 PM

Sounds like a failed marriage to me. You'd be better off splitting and getting assistance fir daycare so you can work and become financially independent. Right now you are a financially a slave to him.

Jynnifer292
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 5:49 PM

I am not wrong. Like I said. Your son has learned that you are poor and he can't have things and the ss is spoiled and has been TAUGHT that there is a way to have what he wants. Dad has PROVEN it. I am not disputing that your dh is wrong. I just don't agree that it is your step sons fault that he has been spoiled. If you are a kid and someone says to you, "we can't afford to bring you out for ice cream" and then they bring you out for ice cream, you simply think you are full of crap. At 13, I had no real concept of money and what it cost to live. I just knew that my parents didn't buy me anything so I never asked.

Quoting noTimetothink:

 

Quoting Jynnifer292:

 thats is where you are wrong. my son that is 8yo knows we cant always get things. if he wants something bad enough he will work for it. my son might ask me for things but when i tell him i just cant due to lack of funds he will say ok and thats the end of it. my son has even come to me and said " mom there is this toy i really want, i know its alot of money but if i can earn the money doing things for people can i get it? he will rake yards and wash cars and other things( not mine either) until he earns it. a child can understand. when my son wanted things that was ALOT of money i showed him our lot rent bill and the ad in the paper and told him what he wanted was more then our rent. and i asked him if he would rather have this or a roof over his head. his answer was "oh no mom, never mind, that is way to much money for something like that." the issue with my ss is, like you said, mom says she doesnt have money and is broke but then the next day turn around and buy something like a new phone or 3 or 4 pairs of shoes. so he never learned.

Quoting noTimetothink:

mom is bankrupt but some how she still spends tons of money. i really dont know how she does it. i know she spent her student loans on other things(she dropped out because her teachers were mean to her, very adult like right,lol) and i know she hits her dad up for money all the time......not to spend on needs just wants. and i didnt mean to make it sound like i didnt want him here at all, i didnt want it to sound that way, i love him. i am just freaking about the careless spending. and ss does understand about our budget. he is very smart and is all about money. thanks to his mom money and what you have(ipod,cellphone,laptop,pricey shoes ect.) is what makes you a better person.  

 It is learned behavior. Seriously, no matter how smart he is, he doesn't understand what it is really like to pay bills or have a budget, especially with the role models he has. She overspends and asks her daddy for money and he spends money meant to pay bills. No thirteen year old is going to realize that it is wrong because they both manage to have a roof over their heads and eat. kwim? His mom probably complains all the time about having no money and then poof, she has what she wanted anyway. What your husband is doing is all his fault. No kid is going to say, "oh no, I really want that but you have a bill to pay so don't buy it"

 

 

noTimetothink
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 6:23 AM

no im not saying you are wrong as for as my ss goes. but a kid can understand that some thing are just less important. my son knows now and he will know at 13.when you said-____ (No thirteen year old is going to realize that it is wrong)   

my son knows you buy what you need first and then if you can you buy what you want. and my ss is smart in a sneaky why. not saying its always a bad thing, but trust me he knows what it means to have money and how you have to be careful how you spend it.  and he knows its wrong to play each parent off of each other so he can get what he wants. thats whats wrong. and dh is very wrong , yes, for being so careless. he needs to be the adult and just say sorry bud not today and leave it at that. and i have a different view on POOR. we have are stuff pais every month, our kids have clothes on their backs, we have what we need for our home, we take camping trips a few times each summer, we go to the fair every year, and when we can we buy extra wants. we have low income yes, but i think most people struggle with the way the world is right now. poor to me is the person across the street that had their cooking gas tank taken away the other day due to lack of payment, or the people down the street that just got kicked out for not paying, or having to go to the church for clothes for your kid. to me things like that are poor. we do ok. just dont have room for to much extras.

mrs_turner2006
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Seriously? Leave. From this post, it sounds like he is abusive, maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally. Take your kids and get away from his worthless ass.
dusky_rose
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 10:58 AM

Yeah, that is messed up! He won't let you work to help out and yet he is spending money like it grows on trees just for his son, he should be thinking about the family as a whole, not just his son. Hugs mama!


I'm thankful for a hubby that loves me, 4 healthy children, a warm
place to sleep and enough food for our meals... God bless America!

Angeleyes_6
by on Mar. 29, 2012 at 8:17 PM
Sorry about your dad :( I lost mine recently and my mom a few years before him. Your husband should appreciate what you have done for your family and appreciate the hard work it takes to stay home and take care of everything. I work harder as a SAHM then when I was working. It horrible he spends money carelessly. It don't matter who money it is cause its the families money. He needs to practice saying "our" and "we" and quite saying "I" or "mine"


Quoting noTimetothink:

oh trust me it is very hard, but we just make it every month. we own our home, but we pay lot rent and power bill, phone/internet, car ins on 2 cars, po box, gas for month, household iteams(tp, dish soap, laundry soap ect.) i get $60.00 a month for the girls through ssd but that goes to diapers, pull-ups, wipes( any of that left over is what i have for gas each month) we have to be very careful how we spend. thats why i get so upset when he spends money like this on his son. we just dont have the room to spend on wants...just needs. im not trying to be a bitch but when we have less then $900.00 coming in we just cant go out to eat, and batting cages, candy, and slushys. but i have to say with as little income as we have nothing has ever been shut off. and not that it matters but 4 years ago after my father was killed and i got life ins money from it i bought our home and paid for all repairs and then paid 2 years of lot rent all at once...that was nice, they loved us,lol. and i bought the truck and van and bought $500.00 worth of school supplies so we didnt have to worry about it for a while. plus took our family on a nice 2 week vacation. so when dh says "dont worry how i spend my money, its not like you help"  i feel like i could punch him right in the face. he would not even have this home if it wasnt for me...well my father(love you dad, thank you):(


Quoting Angeleyes_6:

This is why I like being single! There's no way I would let my husband treat me like this. There shouldn't be a mine and yours. Only "ours" all kids should be treated equally as well. How can a family live on one ssd check? I am on unemployment and I get 1000.00 a month on childsupport and even I have to budget.



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