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brother in law has a question

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:29 PM
  • 19 Replies
My brother in law came over tonight needing some advice. The girl he has been seeing for the last 3 weeks found out today that she is pregnant. He told him she had been having unprotected sex with another guy before they were together. She also told him that she is planning on getting an abortion. They have had sex (with a condom every time) since the 3rd of this month. He is incredibly torn over how to think a nd act about this. Me and df both think it is incredibly unlikely the baby is his. He kind of understands about the abortion. She has very low blood calcium and a pregnancy could either cause her to be on bed rest hooked up to iv medication for the duration, or possibly kill her. If the baby is his, he wants her. To try and keep it and be a father. He is looking for other womens opinions on whether the baby is his, and how he should deal with it. Any help would be greatly appreciated ladies! Thanx!
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by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheresaC7
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:36 PM

I honestly don't think it could be his. If she will have problems and the problems could kill her or the baby that would be SO many times worse that her having an abortion. Does she know for sure that the problem is that bad? Was he there when a doc diagnosed her with the problem? I hate to think she would be lying about the problem. Also, will he still be willing to raise the child if it wasn't his? Plus, what if she goes back to the other guy and how long has he known her (not just been bf and gf)? There's SO many more questions to be considered.

hollydaze1974
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:37 PM
unprotected sex trumps safer sex as far a pregnancy goes...
cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2012 at 11:34 PM
He has known her for severala years. They went to hs together. She has 2 kids from different dads already and told him earlier today that she had an abortion before. The reason being the calcium deficiency. Then added that she didn't want a kid with a loser and blah blah. I think she shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with a loser if she didn't wants a kid with a loser. He was there when the test came back positive and even went and nought her the test. She told him that she didn't think the babny was his. She said she has "felt pregnant" the whole time they've been together. I don't think she should have brought up the pregnancy if she was planning on getting an abortion the whole time.


Quoting TheresaC7:

I honestly don't think it could be his. If she will have problems and the problems could kill her or the baby that would be SO many times worse that her having an abortion. Does she know for sure that the problem is that bad? Was he there when a doc diagnosed her with the problem? I hate to think she would be lying about the problem. Also, will he still be willing to raise the child if it wasn't his? Plus, what if she goes back to the other guy and how long has he known her (not just been bf and gf)? There's SO many more questions to be considered.


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Darcyfisher
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 1:55 AM
I think I read or saw somewhere they can do an early DNA test by just drawing blood on the mother.
She doesn't sound like she makes wise decisions if she knows she shouldn't get pregnant and then chooses not to use protection. Something BIL my want to think about if he is going to stay with her.
cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2012 at 2:12 PM
He is sort of on the fence about staying with her. She has admitted to cheating on past bopyfriends and even said that both of her kids were conceived while cheating. He likes her and her kids but doesn't want to be another guy she cheats on. She is 24 and told him that he is "number 28".
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TheresaC7
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 3:42 PM

I completely agree that she shouldn't have told him because she's sure it's not his AND she was going to get an abortion anyway. It seems like she is trying to get him to stay with her. for some reason...maybe to help pay for it, or some other reason that she will spring on him later. He should walk away now before more drama starts.

 

Quoting cookinmommyof1:

He has known her for severala years. They went to hs together. She has 2 kids from different dads already and told him earlier today that she had an abortion before. The reason being the calcium deficiency. Then added that she didn't want a kid with a loser and blah blah. I think she shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with a loser if she didn't wants a kid with a loser. He was there when the test came back positive and even went and nought her the test. She told him that she didn't think the babny was his. She said she has "felt pregnant" the whole time they've been together. I don't think she should have brought up the pregnancy if she was planning on getting an abortion the whole time.


Quoting TheresaC7:

I honestly don't think it could be his. If she will have problems and the problems could kill her or the baby that would be SO many times worse that her having an abortion. Does she know for sure that the problem is that bad? Was he there when a doc diagnosed her with the problem? I hate to think she would be lying about the problem. Also, will he still be willing to raise the child if it wasn't his? Plus, what if she goes back to the other guy and how long has he known her (not just been bf and gf)? There's SO many more questions to be considered.



cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2012 at 4:07 PM
Last night when he came over, he said she talked to her mom and her mom is paying for it. I told him she should just cut his losses , but they are both pretty poor right now and in no way are financially stable enought for a child. He is in school full time and works full time nights. He leaves the house at 9am and doesn't get home til nearly 2 or 3 am. I don't think they are going to be together much longer.


Quoting TheresaC7:

I completely agree that she shouldn't have told him because she's sure it's not his AND she was going to get an abortion anyway. It seems like she is trying to get him to stay with her. for some reason...maybe to help pay for it, or some other reason that she will spring on him later. He should walk away now before more drama starts.


 


Quoting cookinmommyof1:

He has known her for severala years. They went to hs together. She has 2 kids from different dads already and told him earlier today that she had an abortion before. The reason being the calcium deficiency. Then added that she didn't want a kid with a loser and blah blah. I think she shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with a loser if she didn't wants a kid with a loser. He was there when the test came back positive and even went and nought her the test. She told him that she didn't think the babny was his. She said she has "felt pregnant" the whole time they've been together. I don't think she should have brought up the pregnancy if she was planning on getting an abortion the whole time.




Quoting TheresaC7:


I honestly don't think it could be his. If she will have problems and the problems could kill her or the baby that would be SO many times worse that her having an abortion. Does she know for sure that the problem is that bad? Was he there when a doc diagnosed her with the problem? I hate to think she would be lying about the problem. Also, will he still be willing to raise the child if it wasn't his? Plus, what if she goes back to the other guy and how long has he known her (not just been bf and gf)? There's SO many more questions to be considered.





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noTimetothink
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 4:15 PM

the shity part is that even if it was his baby and he really wanted to keep it and even raise the baby without him, he can not stop her from having a abortion at all. its her right to her own body. he can not tell her she has to have it. so i would say keep it in your head that there is no way at all it could be his and to not worry about it.idk

FindersKeepers
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 4:33 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting cookinmommyof1:

He is sort of on the fence about staying with her. She has admitted to cheating on past bopyfriends and even said that both of her kids were conceived while cheating. He likes her and her kids but doesn't want to be another guy she cheats on. She is 24 and told him that he is "number 28".

He should wish her the best and end the relationship.   At 3 weeks he is not that committed and it looks like a relationship with this girl will end up being a mess.   You don't have to not likesomeone to not want to date them anymore.   He should end it and leave himself single to find someone who will be a better fit for the things he wants out of life. 

When you see giant red flags.... don't just ignore them.

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2012 at 8:41 PM
Don't sound like it's his. But this woman needs to be always using protection, or bc,if she know it can endangered her life.
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