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Should I? Or Shouldn't I?

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I am facing a bit of a dilema.....

About nine years ago my mom stopped talking to one of her brothers and his family over a fight over money. My cousin, his daughter,is a year younger then me and we grew up together and were very close.  But after the fight me and her stopped talking  as well. A couple of times throughout the years I have thought about giving her a call to re-connect, but when I bring it up to my mom she becomes livid. She says that I would be disrespecting her and how could I want to talk to her after what happened? Needless to say my mom is still very angry over the situation. 

A couple of days ago I found my cousin on facebook. Her page is public and through her posts I learned that she had been through some really tough times in the past year. My heart breaks when I think of what she has gone through- no one should have to go through things like that. We were always there for each other growing up and I wish that I could be there for her now. I have also tackled some issues this past year and I think family should be there for each other. I also think that it is important for my children to know their whole family. But my mom, who is also going through some things, will not hear it. I really want to send a message on facebook and attempt to reconnect, but I also do not want to upset my mom. 

So, should I or shouldn't I?

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 11:11 AM

You should.  I have 2 of my cousins as friends on facebook and my mom refuses to add them because of something they did to her.  She has people on hers that I don't like.  It's her life and it's my life.  When we are adults our parents cannot control who we talk to and who we don't.

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this

if you really want to, you should! besides, your mom can't really say anything, SHE stopped talking to HER brother. seems to me the only reason you guys stopped talking was because you really had no choice. you guys were torn apart by your family and their problems! If she goes and gets mad because you're talking to your cousin again, just say "Mom, I'm a grown woman and there's absolutely no reason not to talk to her. You do what you want, and i'll do the same!"  she really can't get mad at you for anything.

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 12:44 PM
2 moms liked this

Quoting Janet:

 I can't see anything wrong with trying to connect with her on facebook. Taking it slow. Then too, I can see you not wanting to hurt your mom. If your heart is set on it. Sit down and tell your mom you want to connect with her through facebook you will take it slow with just talking to her for now. Would something like that work you think?

I acutally talked to my mom about it again after I posted. She said : "I feel bad for her too but if you start talking to her again then her mom and dad are going to know and all of the drama is going to start up again and I don't need that." I then explained to her that the fight was between her and her brother and his wife- no one else and that she should be concerned too for her neice. My heart is set on it. I'm going to contact her today. 

by Michelle on Apr. 10, 2012 at 12:56 PM

It seems like your mom is the one with the problem not you so I would contact your cousin.

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 5:06 PM

I would reconnect.

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 5:11 PM

I have family like that and the disagreement didnt involve you so just stay neutral thats what i do no reason to not know your own blood just because other people hold grudges and besides she is your mom she loves you and im sure she'll get over it :)

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 5:23 PM

You should.

The fight was your mothers, not yours. She should grow up and respect your decision like an adult.


by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:29 PM

 Reconnect with your cousin, you shouldn't let her stand in the way of your relationship with your cousin...

by Jennifer on Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:32 PM

YOU SHOULD RECONNECT!!! What happened between your mom and her brother is on them not you.

by on Apr. 10, 2012 at 8:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you should contact and your cousin didnt get into it it didnt have anything to do with you and her sounds like your mom needs to grow up and act like an adult. i mean how bad could it be to not talk to another family member over MONEY... I tell ya money is the root to ALL evil!

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