*PLEASE NO BASHING! I AM REALLY TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING HERE!*
This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done but honestly I don't know if I have a choice right now....
We have been friends for 12 years- that's HALF our lives. Our children are the same age, and they are best friends when they are together. We don't get to see eachother often since we live about 4 hours apart but when we do... I realize more & more each time that her life is slowly spiraling out of control.
She called me almost 2 weeks ago in tears. They were being evicted and she had nowhere to go. Could she come stay with us? Hubby and I talked about it and after two long nights of discussing we just decided that her voming to stay with us 4 hours away from her home town (right after we moved into our home and found out we are pregnant) just isn't good for either of us. She should be focusing on a permanent place for her family. Her 'baby daddy' is a piece of shit, she can't rely on him. So she needs to figure things out on her own.... that lasted about 4 days. I couldn't stand hearing that she and the kids (4 yr old boy & 3 yr old girl) were sleeping in the bed of a pick up truck. After a 12 hour shift, I drove 4 hours to pick them up.
I explained her options: She had 2 wks to figure something out, or I could help her find a place to stay in my town. But our place is just tooooo small for 3 kids and 3 adults!
Everyday she was with us my heart sank more and more. She didn't interact with her kids unless she was screaming at them. Totally ignoring them when they cry or misbehave- simply saying they won't listen anyway. Her children have NO concept of WATER- they will ONLY drink CHOCOLATE milk. They did not listen. Had NO respect for their mother, me, my son or my home. But why should they? When they had no reason to since their mother didn't either. When I told her my husband was really upset about the damage the kids were doing to our hard wood floors, she rolled her eyes. Took everything I had not to slap her silly.
It hit a breaking point on Tuesday morning when SOMEHOW her 3 yr old daughter was hit in the eye... my son told me with a belt buckle. I wasn't there- I was at work. All I know is I got a frantic call from my friends MOM in another state saying she didn't know if she needed to take her to the hospital or not. So ALL DAY LONG I am dealing with this, while getting sick at work (still in first trimester, I feel like total crap). When I get home she tells me her baby daddy is coming to get her. I ask why, she states HE WANTS TO. Ok, where are you going to go when you get back home? She didn't know. A few minutes later she asked me to read a text on her phone and I'll admit I snooped a little and saw two texts in her outbox begging him to come get her. Ok you wan't to leave fine, don't you dare lie to me.
So he came to get her in a car he may have stolen, I don't know for sure. Here'e the kicker: NO DAMN CAR SEATS! THEY DROVE THOSE BABIES 4 HOURS ON THE DAMN HIGH WAY IN NO FREAKIN CAR SEATS! I was furious. My husband mentioned it to the 'baby daddy' and he brushed it off. Please don't bash me how I shouldn't have let them leave, I had no choice. I cried for an hour but is it awful that I was relieved they were gone?
So now, I'm worried. I've been worried since they left as I haven't heard where they are or how they are or anything. I don't know what to do... this girl is my best friend in the world, or.... she used to be. I don't thinks he will change until she has to. I need some advice ladies, I really do =( This is the hardest thing I have ever had to decide. I would make an anonymous report... but only doing so if I truly worried for their safety and... I do. Am I overreacting? Am I being a total moron by NOT calling? I can't exactly do much until I find out where they are staying anyway. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I have heard that she & the kids are "OKAY" and staying in a tiny 2bedrm trailor with her Mom- the one that was "SO" bad she would rather sleep in the back of a pick up truck then take her children back to, which is why I let her come to my house.
I tried talking to her. I tried explaining how I was worried her life was spiraling out of control, the kids dad is pulling her down and I'm really scared for her. She laughed and brushed me off, leaving the next night when I got home from work.
am worried. I want to help and don't know how. If I could take the
kids, I would in a heartbeat! I'm the only one working right now, DH was
laid off in November. He's very close to getting hired at a good
position with Avis Car Rental but it's taking some time for orientation
and all that.... We're expecting a baby in December, I just can't take
on 2 kids right now.... especially 2 kids that need extra special love
and attention. These children need therapy. They have never had any kind
of consistancy in their lives. Their dad is in & out of jail
leaving their young mom as a single confused lonely depressed sad sad
person. I don't know why she puts up with it. She has no motivation to
get a job or take advantage of number of programs aimed to help her- she
won't take him for Child Support so many places won't help her. She can
never get Medicaid again due to not following their rules (taking him
for Child Support). He's a drug addict. I have caught him shooting up
(heroin I think?) and I've heard he does Meth.
Her kids cry. A LOT. ALL THE TIME. Unconsolably. The boy is 4.5 and the girl will be 3 in May. They are passed the age of crying for no reason. I MEAN ALL THE TIME! And their mother either ignores them, screams at them or very rarely picks them up like infants and talks to them like babies.
A friend told me about kids who are exposed to Meth and how they cry almost nonstop unconsolably for no reason and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I also don't want to be stupid here.
This may be an easy decision for some of you, but I've also seen the bad side of CPS/Foster Care... I don't want to rip these kids away from the only thing they've ever known just to get thrown into the system to be forgotten. I think my friend needs a reality check. SOMETHING needs to open her eyes to show her this isn't the way to live. She deserves more than this but more importantly, her kids deserve more than this.
has no family other than her Mom, who is trying to help as best she
can... her Mom has always helped her since the day she found out she was
pregnant. But her mom just got a new boyfriend and his place isn't
meant for kids... that's supposedly where they are staying now (I don't
know the address, still haven't spoken to my friend since she left)
Her 4 yr old doesn't count, know the ABC's, shapes, colors or anything really. The 2 yr old barely speaks at all and when she does you can't understand half of what she says. I'm worried about them. If I could take them in I would in a heart beat... I feel like a horrible piece of crap for not just doing it and figuring it out but I can't =(
I appreciate all the advice & opinions... right now I'm working on finding out where they are and HOW they are before I can do anything else. I'm not worried about making her angry with me... if her being angry with me gets those kids into a positive, healthy, happy, loving environment I guess I'll throw 12 yrs old friendship away... I don't even know who she is right now anyway, that's no friend of mine =(