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Should I call CPS? (long but i need advice!) *piog*

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:08 PM
  • 19 Replies

*PLEASE NO BASHING! I AM REALLY TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING HERE!*

This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done but honestly I don't know if I have a choice right now....

We have been friends for 12 years- that's HALF our lives. Our children are the same age, and they are best friends when they are together. We don't get to see eachother often since we live about 4 hours apart but when we do... I realize more & more each time that her life is slowly spiraling out of control. 

She called me almost 2 weeks ago in tears. They were being evicted and she had nowhere to go. Could she come stay with us? Hubby and I talked about it and after two long nights of discussing we just decided that her voming to stay with us 4 hours away from her home town (right after we moved into our home and found out we are pregnant) just isn't good for either of us. She should be focusing on a permanent place for her family. Her 'baby daddy' is a piece of shit, she can't rely on him. So she needs to figure things out on her own.... that lasted about 4 days. I couldn't stand hearing that she and the kids (4 yr old boy & 3 yr old girl) were sleeping in the bed of a pick up truck. After a 12 hour shift, I drove 4 hours to pick them up.

I explained her options: She had 2 wks to figure something out, or I could help her find a place to stay in my town. But our place is just tooooo small for 3 kids and 3 adults! 

Everyday she was with us my heart sank more and more. She didn't interact with her kids unless she was screaming at them. Totally ignoring them when they cry or misbehave- simply saying they won't listen anyway. Her children have NO concept of WATER- they will ONLY drink CHOCOLATE milk. They did not listen. Had NO respect for their mother, me, my son or my home. But why should they? When they had no reason to since their mother didn't either. When I told her my husband was really upset about the damage the kids were doing to our hard wood floors, she rolled her eyes. Took everything I had not to slap her silly. 

It hit a breaking point on Tuesday morning when SOMEHOW her 3 yr old daughter was hit in the eye... my son told me with a belt buckle. I wasn't there- I was at work. All I know is I got a frantic call from my friends MOM in another state saying she didn't know if she needed to take her to the hospital or not. So ALL DAY LONG I am dealing with this, while getting sick at work (still in first trimester, I feel like total crap). When I get home she tells me her baby daddy is coming to get her. I ask why, she states HE WANTS TO. Ok, where are you going to go when you get back home? She didn't know. A few minutes later she asked me to read a text on her phone and I'll admit I snooped a little and saw two texts in her outbox begging him to come get her. Ok you wan't to leave fine, don't you dare lie to me. 

So he came to get her in a car he may have stolen, I don't know for sure. Here'e the kicker: NO DAMN CAR SEATS! THEY DROVE THOSE BABIES 4 HOURS ON THE DAMN HIGH WAY IN NO FREAKIN CAR SEATS! I was furious. My husband mentioned it to the 'baby daddy' and he brushed it off. Please don't bash me how I shouldn't have let them leave, I had no choice. I cried for an hour but is it awful that I was relieved they were gone?

So now, I'm worried. I've been worried since they left as I haven't heard where they are or how they are or anything. I don't know what to do... this girl is my best friend in the world, or.... she used to be. I don't thinks he will change until she has to. I need some advice ladies, I really do =( This is the hardest thing I have ever had to decide. I would make an anonymous report... but only doing so if I truly worried for their safety and... I do. Am I overreacting? Am I being a total moron by NOT calling? I can't exactly do much until I find out where they are staying anyway. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 


UPDATE 4-29

I have heard that she & the kids are "OKAY" and staying in a tiny 2bedrm trailor with her Mom- the one that was "SO" bad she would rather sleep in the back of a pick up truck then take her children back to, which is why I let her come to my house.

I tried talking to her. I tried explaining how I was worried her life was spiraling out of control, the kids dad is pulling her down and I'm really scared for her. She laughed and brushed me off, leaving the next night when I got home from work.

I am worried. I want to help and don't know how. If I could take the kids, I would in a heartbeat! I'm the only one working right now, DH was laid off in November. He's very close to getting hired at a good position with Avis Car Rental but it's taking some time for orientation and all that.... We're expecting a baby in December, I just can't take on 2 kids right now.... especially 2 kids that need extra special love and attention. These children need therapy. They have never had any kind of consistancy in their lives. Their dad is in & out of jail leaving their young mom as a single confused lonely depressed sad sad person. I don't know why she puts up with it. She has no motivation to get a job or take advantage of number of programs aimed to help her- she won't take him for Child Support so many places won't help her. She can never get Medicaid again due to not following their rules (taking him for Child Support). He's a drug addict. I have caught him shooting up (heroin I think?) and I've heard he does Meth.

Her kids cry. A LOT. ALL THE TIME. Unconsolably. The boy is 4.5 and the girl will be 3 in May. They are passed the age of crying for no reason. I MEAN ALL THE TIME! And their mother either ignores them, screams at them or very rarely picks them up like infants and talks to them like babies.

A friend told me about kids who are exposed to Meth and how they cry almost nonstop unconsolably for no reason and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I also don't want to be stupid here.

This may be an easy decision for some of you, but I've also seen the bad side of CPS/Foster Care... I don't want to rip these kids away from the only thing they've ever known just to get thrown into the system to be forgotten. I think my friend needs a reality check. SOMETHING needs to open her eyes to show her this isn't the way to live. She deserves more than this but more importantly, her kids deserve more than this.

She has no family other than her Mom, who is trying to help as best she can... her Mom has always helped her since the day she found out she was pregnant. But her mom just got a new boyfriend and his place isn't meant for kids... that's supposedly where they are staying now (I don't know the address, still haven't spoken to my friend since she left)

Her 4 yr old doesn't count, know the ABC's, shapes, colors or anything really. The 2 yr old barely speaks at all and when she does you can't understand half of what she says. I'm worried about them. If I could take them in I would in a heart beat... I feel like a horrible piece of crap for not just doing it and figuring it out but I can't =(

I appreciate all the advice & opinions... right now I'm working on finding out where they are and HOW they are before I can do anything else. I'm not worried about making her angry with me... if her being angry with me gets those kids into a positive, healthy, happy, loving environment I guess I'll throw 12 yrs old friendship away... I don't even know who she is right now anyway, that's no friend of mine =(

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pebbles98
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:51 PM
2 moms liked this

You're right when you said she USED TO be your best friend. She came begging for a place to stay (which you gave her), begging for help (which you gave her) and yet she disrespected you, your husband, your kids and your home.... that's no friend! She's simply playing you for a fool because she knows how to. I'm not going to bash you for letting them leave. She's a grown person, if she wants to bolt then so be it. She had an opportunity to have help and start over. She chose not to. I will say, you should definitely call CPS though. At this point, she's proving what type of parent and person she is. She's only dragging those kids along. At their age, there's still a chance for them. Calling CPS gives them that chance. 

Knightquester
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 6:19 PM

You'll need to know where she is for cps, and even a wellness check through the police.  I would do both, if nothing else for the fact it's reported so that if anything in the future does occur with those children the situation may be taken more seriously since the parents already had one report against them.  If you and nobody that your friend knows like family and friends have seen her and her children since they left your place I would call in a missing persons report and have others that have been trying to get a hold of the family also do the same.

I agree with the previous poster, she used to be your best friend, now she's a train wreak that is willing to do damage with no regard for those lives she ruins and as a mother with children I wouldn't place my family near that.  I would file your reports for your peace of mind, then I would wipe my hands of her and as hard as it sounds, her children too.  Legally there's nothing else you can do and if you get further involved then you risk her pulling both your family down along with hers.

RADmomma
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 6:24 PM
1 mom liked this

personally. I would have called the cops after they left. Told them the make and model of the car and they have children without carseats...

If you can find out where they are... call.

Superior_Mom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 8:36 PM
Have u thought about what you would say when calling cps? I hate to say I went thru similar crap w my
Ex best friend and killed me to see her fall so low.. Honestly when dealing w cps, (cld deped in state) if u told them exactly what u just wrote.. It is not enough to take the children from their mom. Even my bestie had cps called in her multiple times and never did a damn thing.. They won't show up the first time, they will schd an appt. U can't help help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. ;( you could try to help by getting her in touch w housing asst, shelter, food asst.. Unless she was physically abusing them or had them, on drugs... It's sometimes a lost cause w cps. This was TX, u never know if they are diff in another area
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blondie805
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 8:56 PM

I have a friend whom I have known for over 20 years. (No. I am not saying how old I am--lol). We never agree on everything. In fact, she has different ways of raising her kids than I do. But, I know that I am comfortable enough with her to talk. Get the kids out of the room and the baby daddy and hubby out with them. Get it all out! Let her know your fears about what is going on in her life and even throw in your own fears about things in your life. You did once talk. So, do it! Go back to the friendship and really talk like you used to. Tell her that if she doesn't get help, then, you are going to do what she would do if the positions were in the opposite place. Let her fill in the blanks. She's stressed and so are you. Take a breath, take care of yourself and never forget that she was the friend that you once told all the things that you could never tell anyone else.

KeheleyLayna
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:29 PM
I read most of the replies to ur post and I agree with them all. Call cps. My heart goes out to her babies. They don't deserve to be put in danger and don't need her as a mother if she's stupid enough to put them in danger in the first place. My heart dropped when I read about the car seats.. she can ruin her own life but not her kids
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MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:32 PM

I would call CPS

syoumans77
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Most of the time CPS doesn't take the children away right away.  Sometimes just having them called is a great eye opener for the parent(s).  Not sure if that will work in this situation, but it's worth a try.  I do agree with the one poster that said you should have called the police when they left with the make/model/license plate number.  My SIL does that, drives around with a 1yr old and a 3yr old without car seats.  IF she does use them, they are used car seats and most likely expired. (But that's OT) 

I'd call once you find out where they are.  You can always call the local PD and say that your friend and kids haven't contacted you and you think something happened to them.  They will look out for them.

bobbi1982
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 2:38 AM
This is wut I would do also call police where she said she was headed and sat yr scared something has happened to her n the kids. If he has ever hit her before who knows wut might b
Going on. Gud luck n praying for u n ur friend. Keep us posted Plz

Quoting syoumans77:

Most of the time CPS doesn't take the children away right away.  Sometimes just having them called is a great eye opener for the parent(s).  Not sure if that will work in this situation, but it's worth a try.  I do agree with the one poster that said you should have called the police when they left with the make/model/license plate number.  My SIL does that, drives around with a 1yr old and a 3yr old without car seats.  IF she does use them, they are used car seats and most likely expired. (But that's OT) 

I'd call once you find out where they are.  You can always call the local PD and say that your friend and kids haven't contacted you and you think something happened to them.  They will look out for them.


DianeJ40
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 2:46 AM

Call CPS, it can be done anonymously.  The best case scenario is taht she gets help like classes or a place to stay.  The worst case scenario is that the kids get taken from her and get placed with loving caregivers.  She took advantage of you so you should not be beating yourself up about this.

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