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Feed up and hurt

Posted by on May. 14, 2012 at 3:46 PM
  • 11 Replies

So I may sound like a nut case but I need somewhere to see if anyone has gone through this. My six year old son and I are living on our own. I in the last say six months left his father who I was with for ten and half years. He has four other children 19,16, 14 and almost 13. the16 and down lived with me. I was there mother for a decade. So in Jan. the girls went to live with there mom who was never a part of there life in the whole decade. Fine people move on its good for her to finally be a parent. My ex was screwing some chick who use to live across the street. My son and I moved 220 miles away my choice to get away. His father didn't talk to him for over a month and may not call him for a about 10 min a couple times a month. The girls Skyped with there lil brother for about a month, they quit calling and texting me. I think my feelings are hurt that they didn't wish me happy mothers day. When I personally have done so much over the years. But I'm more pissed because I keep texting them every few days to call there brother he even tries to call them with no answer. We both leave messages to call. I feel bad that he would like to talk to them but they seem to not care about the little guy. I'm lost at how to answer his questions,  Even about his Pop not calling him, in a way I see hurt and I try to do things to focus on me and him. What do you say to a kid who has had a big family and sibbling's around his whole life and then there gone and forget all about him? I know it's not right it makes me cry but for him I try to stay strong. Does anyone have any advice, because I just want to block all of them from our life so if and when they feel the need to communicate they can't.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 3:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BonitaM
by Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know....I'd just say it's me and you against the world buddy.  They are too busy to appreciate us but we're going to make it big...you'll see.  I would block everybody and pretend they never existed.....it's not fair to call just when it's convenient to them.  That's just me though.

shadow_lark
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2012 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'd say block them, or at the very least, stop trying so hard.  You have done what you can and they have made it obvious that they for whatever reason dont care.  As for what to tell your ds, i would just keep it short and simple.  explain to him that sometimes when people move away, they lose touch with each other, and that it isnt his fault that they dont call.  I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

Knightquester
by on May. 14, 2012 at 5:44 PM

I would stay focused on you and your son.  I would try to make connections where you're currently living so he has friends and other outlets.

When he asks remind him you guys moved further away but you're sure they miss and love him very much.  Let him know they are working to settle down where they are now and are pretty busy bee's.  I know it sounds like you're making excuses but he's young right now and tearing them down in front of him may only make him more curious about them.  As he gets older if you don't talk about them and he asks less, and remembers less about them then they will be weeded out of your lives w/o you needing to work on it.

If he gets to a point later in life where he generally wants to know and is old enough to understand you can explain that you had tried to stay connected with them when you guys moved but they weren't responsive.  Then wish him better luck, and just give him their contact info so he can figure out the types of people they are for himself.

FindersKeepers
by on May. 14, 2012 at 7:17 PM

The focus of all of this should be the kids... your son and your 4 step kids. 

You are there to comfort your son...  just tell him what happened as age appropriate as you can.   "Dad and I can't be together anymore, but you can still see/talk to him.  Step-siblings had to move away... they are probably busy and adjusting to their new lives.   It doesn't mean that they aren't thinking about you."   (If you have an okay relationship with the other kids mom... then I would call and check on them to see if you can keep the kids in contact. 

IMO, as much as this hurts you and your son, I think you should give the other kids a break.  They are young to have such a tramatic change.   Their dad is likely not talking to them either... they lost YOU and their little brother... are living with a mom they haven't seen in 10 years....and they may be angry with everyone (you, their dad and their mom) for putting them in this situation... and resentful of your DS for getting to stay with you.   Try to give those kiddos the benefit of the doubt... they probably feel abondoned.   If I were you, I would be trying to see them and communicate with them anyway I could (even by letters). 

Pammi86
by Pamela on May. 14, 2012 at 8:49 PM
Quoting shadow_lark:

 I'd say block them, or at the very least, stop trying so hard.  You have done what you can and they have made it obvious that they for whatever reason dont care.  As for what to tell your ds, i would just keep it short and simple.  explain to him that sometimes when people move away, they lose touch with each other, and that it isnt his fault that they dont call.  I'm sorry you are having to go through this.


I agree with this!
Janet
by Ruby Member on May. 15, 2012 at 8:26 AM

 

Quoting shadow_lark:

 I'd say block them, or at the very least, stop trying so hard.  You have done what you can and they have made it obvious that they for whatever reason dont care.  As for what to tell your ds, i would just keep it short and simple.  explain to him that sometimes when people move away, they lose touch with each other, and that it isnt his fault that they dont call.  I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

 

OliviasMommy611
by on May. 15, 2012 at 8:43 AM
You have no choice but to pickup the pieces and move on
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Saille717
by on May. 15, 2012 at 8:50 AM

You took him 220 miles away from his father and siblings.  They're probably srsly angry with you for that, your ex for taking his son away from him and your step kids for hurting their father, that they're doing this as a means of expressing their anger.  I'm sure you had good reason for what you did....maybe write each of them a letter and try to express that, without bashing their father, and tell them that it wasn't about them and so on, and encourage them to please stay in touch with their brother.  Then leave them alone beyond occasional calls.  Hounding them will only make them resent you. 

Then help your son to find friends and get involved with kids in your area so that he's got some distractions.  Don't block his family from your life, but do tell him that people just get busy and they all love him, they just don't call as often.  Not everybody keeps in contact as often as you might like.  My family, for example, only calls when there is something to say....not just to 'say hi' every other day or anything like that.  It's just our way.  This may be true of your step kids.  

la_bella_vita
by Bella on May. 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

 ((Hugs))

squezze
by on May. 16, 2012 at 6:51 PM

Thanks your words are very encouraging, I have tried to keep in contact with them, text, phone calls skype but they aren't responding to anything we do. My son can only ask so much to talk to them, The times we get a text back it's "in few" or later and later never comes. I know they are young and are also teenagers but I worry about them. I know because there not calling something isn't right.  I think its all just sad, messed up and the girls are now about 800 miles away. I helped there mother get them she talked to me a lot until she got them. It's just sad.

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