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merging families

Posted by on May. 20, 2012 at 6:29 PM
  • 23 Replies

 

Poll

Question: is merging a family together a good idea with our children we had separate so far apart?

Options:

yes, its a good idea

no, to much damage to be caused

maybe, , in 5 years


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 19

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me an my boy friend have been talking here an there about having a child together kinda just throwing the idea out there an seeing how each other feels about it... im 22 an my bf 39 i have a 1 yr old son an he has a 14 yr old....  is merging a family together a good idea with our child we had seperate so far apart??? how does this generally effect children in their teens?

by on May. 20, 2012 at 6:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
akgraff
by on May. 20, 2012 at 6:35 PM
2 moms liked this

um...well first off...It's really not going to be that big of a deal since the boy is older. He will feel overwhelmed and cranky at times having such small ones around him, but it honestly all depends on how well you, your husband and him mesh together. Each child is affected differently. If he's a good kid he might not have any problems. Don't depend on him to babysit though or he'll feel like he's being taken advantage of. Ask him if he'd like to live with you first off (you and your boyfriend) and set some ground rules that he will not be expected to help take care of the kiddos but you do expect him to be good to them. That's a huge gap and honestly he might not really care since they are so young. make sure your boyfriend and his son keep a tight relationship

goddess99
by Michelle on May. 20, 2012 at 7:24 PM

I really don't know, I would introduce them for sure and see how it goes.

sunshynee
by on May. 20, 2012 at 10:35 PM

o no our kids know each other... i am just unsure if having another baby with my boyfriend is the right idea... i want a another baby i am only 22 i would like to have just one more an he says he wants another... but idk how it will be when it come to the kids... mostly his son cuz hes alot older then mine....

Quoting goddess99:

I really don't know, I would introduce them for sure and see how it goes.


MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on May. 20, 2012 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this

It might be a little different at first for them but I think over time they will adjust.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on May. 20, 2012 at 11:35 PM

Hope things work out....

goddess99
by Michelle on May. 21, 2012 at 8:55 AM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't worry about the age difference of the kids. They will adjust. I would make sure that your relationship was strong. Like talk about long term, getting married, things like that. You don't want to be 23, single, with 2 kids, that would be even harder.

Quoting sunshynee:

o no our kids know each other... i am just unsure if having another baby with my boyfriend is the right idea... i want a another baby i am only 22 i would like to have just one more an he says he wants another... but idk how it will be when it come to the kids... mostly his son cuz hes alot older then mine....

Quoting goddess99:

I really don't know, I would introduce them for sure and see how it goes.



Janet
by Ruby Member on May. 21, 2012 at 9:09 AM
2 moms liked this

 Can he afford another child? Does he want to marry you? These are the most important things to think about.

mom2gr8tgirls
by Gold Member on May. 21, 2012 at 10:59 AM
I have a friend who has a 14 yr old and she just remarried about 3 yrs ago. She is currently 20 weeks pregnant and her baby just turned 1 last week. Her oldest adores the baby.
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suetoo
by Member on May. 21, 2012 at 11:34 AM

I think a husband should come before a child. And a stable house or apt, to move into, first. No offense, but that legal and financial  protection for a child should be a mother's priority. It's far easier to dump a girlfriend than it is a wife. Providing a stable home with a full time and engaged father will go along way to helping children bond together as a family regardless of their age spacing.

Cara5
by on May. 21, 2012 at 12:44 PM

I would sit down with the 14 year old and tell him you two are thinking about having a baby.  You are not asking his permission, but you are asking how he feels about it.  If he jumps up, flips the table over, screams and turns into a huge green monster that kicks the front door down on his way out of the house you will know that you need to do some work before you move forward with this. 

He may not care, he may be excited about it.  Who knows? 

Id also let him know that you value him as a big brother figure to his step brother, as well as any potential little siblings and that you think he will be a very important person in their lives and stuff like that.  Id also make sure he knows that you don't plan on using him as a 3rd parent/free babysitter.  

When I got pregnant when my oldest were 12, that was their one concern ... "Im not going to have to babysit for free all the time am i?"  

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