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Should husband have a female friend, i dont know?

Posted by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:30 PM
  • 64 Replies

 Okay I'd really like some opinions here. Heres the situation. My husband(deputy)has been at this new job for 10 months.... there is a new dispatcher on his shift that he has become friends with. They dont physically see each other but the amount of texting is insane allbeit some work related. I found out that they had been talking on the phone for at most 3 hours at the end of shift cuz its dead at 3 in the morning last month. I dont feel that they should be that close. So I texted her and said, hey why are you talking to my husband for hours at a time? should I know something?.... she texted him and said your wife just texted me and i realize that its inappropriate and it wont happen again. Kudos to her yay or so i though.... i sent him a text saying I didnt have a problem with the friendship and he took that as they can talk on phone and text through out the day every day not just the 4 days they work. So the last phone bill had even more phone conversations and they were 46 mins or less..... its usually while he drives home at the end of the shift. Okay so am I nuts for having a problem with this. Shouldnt she have said no I wont talk to you on phone your wife sounded upset. He comes home to me but how close is too close????? and for the record we live 45 mins away from his work so no I have never met her. He said he likes talking to her and getting to know her. sounds like a girlfriend to me but im crazy(or so i have been told by DH)

UPDATE: Okay so we talked it out even more and he has said he would send her a text tomorrow or maybe thursday when they work together again and say hey why dont you and your son meet us for dinner next week. And then he said he would gage her response....  if shes excited to meet me I would say things will be okay and if she says no or blows it off then I told him that thats his own personal red flag that shes into him more than hes into her and to limit contact.

Second Update: So he told her yesterday that he was cutting contact with her and would only talk to her through police band. He kinda pouted since her doesnt have anyone to talk to anymore while bored at work but I told him I appreciated him doing that even though I was giving her 2 weeks to set something up. I am going to try to get counseling so Im not so reactive and hopefully he will too eventually. He really has no self esteem and has some family issues that he needs to work out. That have hardly anything to do with this issue. He also said he screwed up really bad with how he handled the whole thing and apologized. Thank you everyone I read every post and even some ;) to him.  Great to know there is this kinda support here.

by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
huntersmama711
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2012 at 10:32 PM
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I would not be ok with that.
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LexRi0709
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:35 PM
Considering he is a cop, they are all generally realy close. I would try to get to know her. I'm not saying what's he's doing is right or wrong, but he is friends with her and instead of jumping to conclusions, it might be better to get to know her.

At my job which is in ems I'm am on of the "few females that aren't dyke or just plane fat and nasty" as I have been told by the guys. there is one guy who will hump me in front of dh. Dh just asks for the video after. Its a brother/sister hood.

If it bothers you, talk to dh about it and explain why.
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3brown1blue
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:36 PM
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I can understand friends ... but that's a bit more than just friendship ...
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lovnmy3boys
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:47 PM
3 moms liked this

Sounds like they are becoming emotionally attached. Not good!

Check out marriagebuilders.com and see what they have to say about male/female 'friendships'. Personally, I don't think it's possible.

You are smart to be concerned.

Good luck!

ltmana
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I would not be okay with that at all. You aren't crazy for being upset!  I feel that her being a coworker would make it worse also because he HAS to deal with her on a daily basis, in turn making you more uncomfortable if this relationship you are weary about continues. He should respect and try to understand your feelings, even if (in his opinion) they are crazy. That's what hubbys are supposed to do! If he doesn't, eye for an eye. I'm not big on revenge, but sometimes, a nice, large dose of his own medicine is the kick in the ass from reality he may need. 

jac77
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:58 PM
My ex is a cop. We're married 15 yrs. he became friends with a dispatcher & ultimately they had an affair. He became such close friends with her that he felt protective of her. Me & her had it out in a major way! Don't trust her!! And tell him it's unacceptable.
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dani0007
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:59 PM


Quoting LexRi0709:

Considering he is a cop, they are all generally realy close. I would try to get to know her. I'm not saying what's he's doing is right or wrong, but he is friends with her and instead of jumping to conclusions, it might be better to get to know her.

At my job which is in ems I'm am on of the "few females that aren't dyke or just plane fat and nasty" as I have been told by the guys. there is one guy who will hump me in front of dh. Dh just asks for the video after. Its a brother/sister hood.

If it bothers you, talk to dh about it and explain why.

I understand that and dont have a problem with the friendship they need to be a cohesive group however texting her all day on our anniversary and asking me to make her deviled eggs was a bit much that day. and i think that there should be a line because i dont know her and after saying the phone calls were inappropriate then totally blowing that off was ... well i felt betrayed by both a little. I have talked to him he says since nothing is going on I should get over it.

dani0007
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:01 PM

He already defends her cuz Im bashing his friend. I asked him to not put himself in that position and keep it casual but hes smitten with her ... He says he loves me and comes home to me and I should trust him and I do its her I dont trust.

Ajohnson2334
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:04 PM
2 moms liked this

IMO No. It's just one step closer to being able to open a door that should STAY CLOSED. There IS such a thing as an emotional affair. And if it's something that you're insecure about - your dh needs to respect that. (Now, I'm not saying to the point of you being an obsessive control freak like HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT ANOTHER FEMALE AGAIN)

I say, why put yourself in any situation that could lead to something you're not supposed to be doing. (again, within reason - you can't predict everything or foresee it)

Texting about WORK stuff is one thing - anything other than that is NOT ok with me.

shayleo1
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:06 PM
Not okay at all
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