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Venting and Advice

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 2:07 PM
  • 7 Replies

I am a single mom to one son who is 8.  I have a lad (48) and her son (13) living with us.  My issue is her parenting ways and i wandered if anyone could chime in on this.  Her son is on the computer all the time, during school he would stay on until 10pm or so but now that it's summer, it's worse.  He's on 24/7 - she's hardly ever home.  This past weekend I think was the worse - she went to visit her friend in another city (which is only 45 minutes away, but she does this often) and was gone all saturday and all sunday, she probably will be home today.  He is on the computer, in his room, door shut, lights off the whole time!  I may be saw him once.  She bought him some Subway sandwiches for him to eat, i saw he ate one.  If he were my kid I would make him do something other than play on the computer but I don't feel I can say anything since he's not my kid.  I feel he's neglected but she doesn't do anything for him or with him.  She won't even make him get a hair cut.  This kid is a mess and she's not proactively doing anything in his life, when I bring it up she says she can't make him do anything ~ BS!!!!!   He's 13!!! Not 30. 

Should I say something to her or just let it go?  It bothers me because I feel he needs interaction with her and not just his computer and whoever he's "chatting" with on the computer.  He recently broke up with his girlfriend (she broke up with him) and I think he's worse now, depressed. 

It's really sad and I feel i can't say anything to her because it's her kid. Not mine.

What do y'all think? 

by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 2:07 PM
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Replies (1-7):
DixieFlower
by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 10:18 PM

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's neglected. Should he have more interaction probably however, his basic needs are met so there isn't any neglect. Also "making" a 13 yr old can be very interesting. If he doesn't want his haircut what's the big deal? My husband grew up in a family that pretty much kept to themselves and stayed home and did nothing but watch TV. That is until computers came out. Then they had one in the house and when one was online (usually my husband) his parents were watching TV. Then came about where you could have more than one computer online so my husband and his mom would be on their computers (which were in the den on walls opposite of each other) and his father would be watching TV.  My husband lived at home with his parents until we got married (he was 28 and I was 29). It was quite an adjustment for him. However, 6 yrs later he has gotten much better especially when it comes to interacting with his children.

tj_1965
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 8:22 AM

AWWW Thanks DixieFlower!  I appreciate your input.  I guess I didn't grow up so distant from my mom and dad so I can't understand the distance they put between themselves.  After posting this I calmed down and I thought it out.  That's just the way they are and the way they choose to be so I need to let it go.  Thanks again.

 

goddess99
by Michelle on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:42 PM

I'm pretty bold and proactive so I would say something but I would take it a step further, knowing she isn't going to change, I would 100% include him in what me and my dd were doing that day. I would ask and strongly encourage him to go places with us and eat with us, etc...

erikadi
by Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:19 PM

I still think you shoud say something in a loving and caring manner not out of judgment. She might hear you out. Maybe he and your son can play or maybe you can invite some of the neighborhood kids over and they can play together.

tj_1965
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 3:54 PM

To Erikadi ~ whenever we have kids over he goes to his room and shuts the door.  He's 13, my son is 8.  We've invited him many time and he always says no.  I confronted my roommate and told her that I wouldn't tolerate his attitude towards my son and reminded her that she's living in my house, not the other way around.  I got home last night and her son never came out of his room ~ not even for dinner.  He ate after us.  It's just so irritating!

vtmom2
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Remember he's a teenager. I have a 14yr.old son and our computer is out in the livingroom so I'm able to at least see his face--lol. But alot of times he's on his playstation online and my fiance gets upset that he's in his room all day but we as parents forget when we were kids we didn't want to be around adults. When our kids were little we are their world they want to be up our butts all the time and we always say 'please leave me alone for a couple of minutes' now they are older they don't "need" us as much but it's funny how we still want them to "need" us. I wouldn't worry but every now and then knock on his door so he at least knows someone is still there for him. I always say to my son "just checking to see if you are still breathing." He sometimes comes out and we start talking about what game he was playing or whatever interests him. The best advice I can give is be his friend maybe his mom isn't interested in him or what he's doing so you should ; don't be "nosey" just a friend.

tj_1965
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:08 AM

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the input.  I actively knocked on his door and said hi and asked if he ate dinner, he grunted.  He never came out of his room.  I feel bad that he's in there but I know it's his choice.  I can just keep saying hi and letting him know I'm around even if his mom isn't.  No telling where she was last night - i heard her stumble in about 3 this morning. 

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