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*UPDATE* 1st dance recital - costume is "too itchy" and awkward to take on & off... do I let her just quit? She's 4....

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:50 PM
  • 12 Replies

OK she did it!! BOTH NIGHTS!! The first time the curtains opened she looked panicked and was scanning the audience for me and didn't see me and she burst into tears and ran offstage. :( But I went backstage and calmed her and she did better on the 2nd dance and had fun. :) The 2nd night I hung out backstage with her and she did MUCH better. (That's another issue we're having lately, separation anxiety). She had a friggin' BLAST last night and was just BEAMING when she got showered with roses & bouquets of flowers from all the family. :) I am so happy for her and I'm so happy she toughed it out. There were NO complaints of itchiness EITHER NIGHT, but the costume was a bit tight when taking on & off. Hopefully if she does it next year she won't have a growth spurt between when they measure her and when we get the costumes in.
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ORIGINAL POST:
I'm by no means a "dance mom". I love to watch my girl do what she loves to do, and up until about a month ago (when she heard her cousin, who is in the class with her, decided she wanted to do tumbling more...), she loved dance. This is the first time I've ever experienced the dance world - I never danced as a kid. Well after 9 or 10 long months of Thursday night dance class, recital is finally upon us. They measured her about 2 mo ago and since then I believe she's grown. We missed ONE class and when we came back the next week some of the moms said "Wow she's really getting tall! Like even in the last 2 weeks!" Well FINALLY, last Thursday, the LAST CLASS and ONE WEEK before recital, we receive the costumes. Nice. No time for any needed alterations. Thanks. I tried it on my girl and it's a big tulle-y mess underneath, and NONE of it is reinforced with a soft material so it's not so rough on the girls' skin. My normally mild-mannered girl had a meltdown like I've never seen. It was so bad that for 2 days I didn't even bring up the dress. Finally I had to try it on her again to see where the problem areas were so I could try to fix it. She was very reluctant but got it on with a tank top underneath so it would alieve the itchiness a bit. She said it still itched, and it's pretty unbearable. It's also a *fitted* type baby doll dress, and it only will go on over her head, so that's the way it has to come off too. The waist, as we women all know, is smaller than the shoulders, and when I take it off, I get one hand out of the sleeve, and as I'm trying to get her to wiggle it down through the dress so she has room to get the other hand out, it gets tight and it's stuck on her face for a minute and she can't handle it and she FREAKS OUT. My hubby is wrapped around her finger and heard one whine and wanted to rip the damn thing off her and take her out of recital altogether, just because of that. I'm on the fence: I don't want her to be miserable, but I'm afraid I'm teaching her that quitting is just fine if things get a little tough. I want her to tough it out, but she is so young, she's 4, this is her FIRST TIME wearing something other than her comfy "Garanimals" clothes and stretchy cotton leotards. What do I do?

by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SlapItHigh
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 10:57 PM

I'm not sure I completely understand what the costume is like but I would try however I could to alter it so that it didn't itch but if there was nothing that could be done, I don't think I could force my child to wear something that was that unbearable.  I guess we'd have to skip it.  Are any of the other kids having the same problem?


MamaLisa1976
by Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:04 PM

Well I found some satin ribbon and I'm sewing it on to the inside where the tulle and the fabric meet, but she says it's still itchy. I'm not sure (and forgive me for this) if she's just being a drama queen or not. It seems to me, by looking at her face, that after she initially gets it on, it's not so bad, but she just says it's itchy b/c she wants to take it off. As far as I know ONE other girl was having the same problem and it didn't seem ANYWHERE to the degree my girl was having. I think her first experience putting it on was such a bad one, that she just wants nothing to do with it again. And this is the least of my worries, truly, but we have 8 grandparents, and 2 uncles & 2 aunts coming to watch her over the next 2 days. I'd hate to disappoint them but I know they'd understand... I just feel in my gut I need to prod her to at least try! But I don't want her to be a screaming blubbering mess and ruin the entire recital for EVERYONE.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

I'm not sure I completely understand what the costume is like but I would try however I could to alter it so that it didn't itch but if there was nothing that could be done, I don't think I could force my child to wear something that was that unbearable.  I guess we'd have to skip it.  Are any of the other kids having the same problem?



SlapItHigh
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:09 PM

That's hard to know the difference.  I guess I have a lot of sympathy for her b/c I have sensitive skin and I know what it's like to feel like my skin is crawling when I wear certain fabrics or have seams in the wrong spots.  I would try probing her more, maybe without the costume around...when she's calm and in a good mood.  Remind her about all the fun things that go along with the recital like partying with her family members and stuff.  See if her attitude changes or if she can maybe describe more about what is so terrible about it and why the alterations aren't enough.

Quoting MamaLisa1976:

Well I found some satin ribbon and I'm sewing it on to the inside where the tulle and the fabric meet, but she says it's still itchy. I'm not sure (and forgive me for this) if she's just being a drama queen or not. It seems to me, by looking at her face, that after she initially gets it on, it's not so bad, but she just says it's itchy b/c she wants to take it off. As far as I know ONE other girl was having the same problem and it didn't seem ANYWHERE to the degree my girl was having. I think her first experience putting it on was such a bad one, that she just wants nothing to do with it again. And this is the least of my worries, truly, but we have 8 grandparents, and 2 uncles & 2 aunts coming to watch her over the next 2 days. I'd hate to disappoint them but I know they'd understand... I just feel in my gut I need to prod her to at least try! But I don't want her to be a screaming blubbering mess and ruin the entire recital for EVERYONE.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

I'm not sure I completely understand what the costume is like but I would try however I could to alter it so that it didn't itch but if there was nothing that could be done, I don't think I could force my child to wear something that was that unbearable.  I guess we'd have to skip it.  Are any of the other kids having the same problem?




mommy2b39465
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:19 PM

lol that's normal for some dance studios. One of the ones that we photograph every year pushes back the date at least 4 times, b/c the outfits aren't in yet. 

I'd try to get her to finish out the season. Then, let her decide what to do next. 

Maevelyn
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this

lol I know this sounds silly but when my dd did dance I asked to see pictures of the costumes and talked about how they looked at costuming in general. I have always made my kids finish things but it's never gotten traumatic. I wouldn't ruin dance for her to make her do the recital. 

Lorelai_Nicole
by Lorelai on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:57 PM
I would make her do the recital. I'd she doesn't want to dance anymore after that, fine. But she should finish what she started. My dd is 4 and I would absolutely make her finish.
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splatz
by Sarah on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:57 PM
Can you reinforce the inside with a soft material? Like a slip type thing?
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delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 12:17 AM

I would say see how she does....if she really does not like it...I would not force her...Hope it works out...

MamaLisa1976
by Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 8:20 AM

This is what I've already told her. But I also don't want to make it miserable for her - especially if she seems to have almost a phobic level of freak out on the itchiness and the tightness when trying to put it on & take it off. But I completely feel the same way. Daddy on the other hand was ready to rip it off of her last night and call it a day, and she'd have no chance to be in recital even if she still wanted to. (Which up until bedtime last night she said she wanted to, then at bedtime she said she didn't want to.)

Quoting Lorelai_Nicole:

I would make her do the recital. I'd she doesn't want to dance anymore after that, fine. But she should finish what she started. My dd is 4 and I would absolutely make her finish.


goddess99
by Michelle on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:34 AM

I know the costumes can be uncomfortable but I think if she missed the recital she would be upset. I would just talk to her and tell her how much fun she would be missing out on if she quit.

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