I have these three friends that I've been friends with forever. Seriously, one of them for like 24 yrs, one for like 20 years and one for around 18 years. We're all the same age, 32 and we all live in the same town. Basically, I've been friends with them for over half my life. Anyways. I'm married (I've been with DH since I was 16), have 3 kids, one on the way (as we just learned Sunday...lol). Two of them are in long-term relationships (both under 5 years), one is single. None of them have their own kids. One is the legal guardian of her 10 y/o niece (has been for 4 years), one has three "step-sons" (aged from 17 to 26). The three of them hang out all the time.
So, needless to say (even after I've already said it), our paths went in very different directions. I tried to keep up with them after my oldest was born, but while I still had fun going out, I wasn't out all of the time anymore, meaning I didn't feel like I was "in" anymore. Well, the more children I've had, the more heads I've grown apparently. I rarely, if ever, hear from any of them anymore. I literally speak to them once, maybe twice a year. None of them come around for anything we do (birthday parties for any of us, events in my kids' lives, etc). They are notorious for ignoring invitations or promising they'll show and never following through.
When my DS was born almost a year ago, I didn't send any of them notifications of his birth. And I was the asshole for doing it. I got chewed out by all three of them. I hadn't seen any of them throughout my whole pregnancy, they skipped my diaper shower (none of them even RSVP'd "no" for it, they just ignored it), I felt they didn't want to know about his birth.
DH threw me a little bbq/fire party for my birthday last month. He invited all three of them. All three said they'd try to come. Two of them did come, one stayed for an hour, one came super late and stayed until she was out of beer. Know why they came?? Wasn't for me! It was because DH's parents were in town. They all wanted to see them, not me.
So I just write them off, just like they've written me off, right? Easy solution, right? Wrong. It's not. Because the second I stop inviting them to everything is the second they all gang up on me and call me a horrible person because I don't keep them in the loop of my life. I get called selfish and ridiculous and immature because I'm the one "throwing away" such long friendships. WTF?!?!?!
So what do I do??? Sorry this got a little long. And thanks if you stuck it out and read it all. :)
I would say good riddance too. You don't need people like that in your life.
Wow well i am kinda in the same situation! I have three friends that i have been friends with for a long long time one for over 18 years and the other two about ten years.. Well two of them have kids.. and one doesn't but i have always tried to stay in constant contact with them for years now they wold blow meoff or say they didn't get messages and such... we when i was having my baby shower they all wanted to come.. It was the day of the shower and i didn't get their messages in time and they all ganged up on me and got mad saying they couldn't believe i didn't invite them... I explained to them why and they ay it is my fault... So i have just decided to not talk to them.. If they want to hang out with more or come around then they can contact me i'm not gonna make n effort anymore.. I don't really have advice for you except that! I hope it all works out though!
Thanks ladies. I know I should probably just phase them out but I don't like it when people are mad at me...lol. I don't even know how to tell them I'm pregnant again. Part of me doesn't want to tell them but I know if I don't I'll get "hate" texts for not telling them. It's like, they only want me in their lives when they want me. But if I decide to not include them in something, I get crap for not telling them so it must mean I want to end our friendship. Really, one friend even went so far as to post on her FB page that "It's been a good friendship and she'll miss me" after she learned I didn't tell her of Oliver's birth. All because I didn't tell her he was born!
I had one friend like that. We talk from time to time, and I am thankful she was/is in my life. With out her I think it would have either taken forever for my (now hubby) and I to get together if at all. Everything in her life though is better or worse depending on the situation, she is recently divorced no children and she just does not get why I gave up the life of being "free" for being a mom! I just say hi and make sure she is ok from time to time catch her up, give her the 5 min she wants and then be done!
Hugs....and Congratulations (little one on the way)
I think I would continue to just speak to them but not really try to be close..close....if they are acting like that....Hope things work out....
I think you should sit down with them and tell them all how you feel. Call them, e-mail them, something. Tell them you feel as if they don't really want to be a part of your life. Explain that you know they all have other responsibilities, but that over the years, between those responsibilities, you would have thought they would have tried to keep YOU in THEIR lives rather than you having to do all the work to keep everyone together. Times change and friendships can fade. They need to realise that if they want to keep you in their lives, they need to make a little more effort to show you that.
Things that annoy you
- mom2gr8tgirls
on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:47 PM