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I need some advice!!!

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:35 AM
  • 12 Replies

My son just turned 5 at the end of May. He is very self concious already at a early age and seems to battle with a low self-esteem. I am puzzled as to why he would be feeling this way due to constant praise and positive attention from all who are a constant in his life. He has gotten to the point of saying "no one likes me", " I'm not cool enough to have friends", and other ridiculous comments, to which I reassure him that are NOT true. I try to lift him up in every way possible. He has friends and is always active and playing and running around to what seems to me as having a good time but then later when I ask him how his day went he says " it was okay I just wish I was a better kid." I try to ask questions to see what the underlying issue is but nothing ever adds up. Now on top of all of this he went to a birthday party yesterday to which I was unable to attend with him and a child there called him fat. I kknow that kids can be mean and say hurtful things but my child didn't even know what being fat was until that little boy told him. When he came home and tolf me what happened I was devastaed as well as pissed because I feel that at 5 yrs old "fat" should not be in my sons vocabulary. My son then asked me if I thought he was fat and I immedately said "NO" that he is perfect just the way he is & not to let anyone tell him different. My son is 3 foot 9 inches tall and weighs 60 pounds yeah to most people he may seem over weight but he carries it very well. He is very active and can keep up with the rest of kids his age and eats a healthy diet. He is just solid. I for one am not concerned about his weight I am however at a loss on how I can boost his esteem I talked to my mom who told me I should talk to his Dr. about to which I did and he said it was normal for kids to have self doubt at his age. Really?? I just am at my witts end and have no clue what more I can do & that makes me feel like a failure as his mom. I know this is long & I appologize but any positive advice would be appreciated.  

This is my son

Thanks!! 

by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mary762
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:44 AM
1 mom liked this

I would not worry about it to much, my nephew went thru the same thing around that age and now he's on top of his world as some would say. If it was still a issue in a couple of years then I would start to worry. You are right though about how mean kids can be, in fact they can be down right harsh. My nephews had kids in school pick on them because they were really skinny and it was the norm in my family thats just how all the kids are until around 10-11 years of age. They stopped though when I ( their loving aunt) picked them up from school one day because after they seen me they were scared I would get them if they picked on my nephews again, all because of my tattoos,lol......

mom2gr8tgirls
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I went through this with my 9 y/o.  It's normal for this age group.  I just had to keep up with the positives and when she started to get negative about herself, I'd tell her to stop.  When it continued, I started to tell her if she wanted to believe such horrible things about herself, I couldn't stop her but I didn't want to hear it anymore and if I did, she was going to start getting punished.  I told her that we are all critical of ourselves, but she's beautiful no matter what anyone says and by letting the other kids hurt her, she was letting them win.  It worked.  She stopped all the negativity.  Every once in a while when she's doing homework she'll say she's dumb or so stupid and she gets chewed out.  lol  

Unfortunately, kids can be so mean, they don't understand how words work.  It's sad that kids even know how to be mean like that.  My children would never say anything so hurtful about others...I will not raise bullies.  Your son is uber cute, btw.  :)  

abmaddox1981
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Kids are cruel little turd monkies! Make sure your son knows he is not fat, that the other kid was just plain ole being mean. I would talk to the doc about his low self esteem issues, 5 is a little early for that.
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Alysse24
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Your little guy is adorable and you aren't a failure!  Be positive!  ;)   

This article might be helpful to you. The very beginning talks about infants, but hang in there and you will see a lot of good information. 

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence


goddess99
by Michelle on Jul. 9, 2012 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

He's a handsome little man =)

My dd is 9 and we've gone through similar things over the past few years. I do think it's pretty normal and wouldn't worry. I would continue to do what you're doing.

LibertyPhoenix
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this

After years of praise and positive reinforcement kids are still prone to hurt feelings and lack of self esteem.  Beyond helping him overcome these feelings he seems to be having, I think it's also important that you reinforce the idea that he will not be appealing to everyone at all times. I feel like kids with a low self exteem that have something to prove walk in a more dangerous territory than some kids with low self esteem and lack of self worth. I hope you find a way to lift him up and help him change his perception of himself!

Carolina_Momma
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Kids have always been cruel it just seems like the age for the cruelness is dropping and the cruelty is now affecting younger kids who really have no idea what they are saying means. In my opinion it's do to lack of proper raising and teaching from the parent. I guess I need to go get tattooed up if this is what I am going to have to face.  :) because I refuse to let anyone speak poorly to or about my child. Thanks for your feedback. 

MusherMaggie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all, it is not a reflection on your mothering!  Now, let's take a look as to what outside influences there are on him--older siblings/relatives, daycare, neighborhood kids?  What is he good at--art, music, sports?  It is possible for bi-polar disease to manifest itself this early--I would see if there is a psychologist or counselor who could talk with him and perhaps give you some insight.  It is to your credit that you are trying to take care of this as soon as possible. I waited almost too long with my daughter, thinking that a good mother should be able to take care of this herself.  Wish I had sought help sooner than I did.

ashleighmama
by Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this
First of all, you're son is ADORABLE! He is SOOO not fat! I personally would rather my sons be kind of "thick" than too thin. I do have 2 sons ages 13 and almost 8. My 13 yr. old is FINALLY putting on a little weight! He's been pretty thin all his life, partly due to the fact that during the school year he takes meds for ADHD which totally take away his appetite. On non-school days I encourage him to EAT! Right now he is also going through a major growth spurt, thank goodness he's NOT just growing taller or he would be an absolute string bean! He's also putting on weight everywhere else. My younger son is growing taller but NOT thicker so the jeans he wore just this last school year are falling right off his butt! I always tell him "your cracks showing!" and he laughs. Kids can be so dang cruel, basically at any age. Just keep reassuring him that he's perfect in his size and hopefully this will pass soon. My oldest has been bullied most of his life(with the exception of yhis past school year) for one reason or another so I kinda get where you're coming from. As a mom it is heartbreaking but the two of you WILL get through this together! Good luck mama!
Carolina_Momma
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 2:03 PM


Quoting MusherMaggie:

First of all, it is not a reflection on your mothering!  Now, let's take a look as to what outside influences there are on him--older siblings/relatives, daycare, neighborhood kids?  What is he good at--art, music, sports?  It is possible for bi-polar disease to manifest itself this early--I would see if there is a psychologist or counselor who could talk with him and perhaps give you some insight.  It is to your credit that you are trying to take care of this as soon as possible. I waited almost too long with my daughter, thinking that a good mother should be able to take care of this herself.  Wish I had sought help sooner than I did.

He really doesn't have alot of outside influences mainly just family as we have a huge one with lots of kids. He is an only child so no siblings. He does have a couple of outside friends who are older than him but they play well together, never any issues there. Like I said I am unsure where his negativity comes from. He does good with sports and outdoors activites and loves art and for 5 I think he does very well. I too myself have considered the possibilty of bi-polar due to the fact that my husband his father has it. I am not sure if it is hereditary or not but it is a concern of mine to which I have addressed with his Dr. and have recieved no feed back other than to just monitor his behavior. As his mother I just want to nip this in the butt now in hopes of preventing this in the future or this situation worsening. Thanks for your feedback.

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