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Choices... *vent* (LONG) *EDIT*

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*back story* 

In sept. of 2011, I found out I was pregnant .. I told my bf at the time and we decided it would be best to get married . :) NO biggie . But instead of the white wedding I had always dreamed up, decorating, the white dress, tux, bridesmaids, flowers all that jazz, I got married in black slacks and a green shirt . (tho it was a church) I called our pastor that morning and asked if he cared to marry us . he said before, right after i found out i was pregnant that he would, after a pre-marriage session. (which we attended) . So i guess i can't say I wasnt married in a church, but I still didnt get my big white wedding because I was told that since I was already pregnant I couldnt have it . 

That because I had already lost my virginity I couldnt disgrace my family with a ceremony or traditional wedding .no I had to elope . Though I was allotted a reception almost 2 months after the wedding . which was nice, dont get me wrong, we had a potluck dinner and cake .. with all the family ..

Today : 

My lil man is 3 months old..I love my husband, I love my son .. Im happy married, and don't regret getting married, but I just feel that I was cheated out of a wedding, the wedding I would have liked..The wedding pictures, the wedding ceremony ..the decorating .. Everything.. that's everything I wanted ..

Am I the only one that feels like this ? Am I the only one that feels this way?  I mean would it have been wrong to have a traditional wedding ceremony? I know I see all the time, (even a friend of mine) got married just bout a month or so before giving birth to her son. lil white wedding dress, small ceremony with family .. all that fun stuff that I wanted but didnt get .. 

I guess in a way im jealous ..but i just feel like i was cheated because my mom felt embarrassed of me. ;( 

EDIT :  Okay .. sO here is another thing to ponder .. we had 2 witnesses at the ceremony..(a "maid" of honor and "best" man) so to say .. Neither one do we talk to now. :/ (dh or i) so um. what should we do about that ? i mean . conflicting photos ? because we have some from our wedding day .. 

by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 5:46 PM
Replies (21-28):
SlapItHigh
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:11 PM

I'm sorry you are struggling with these feelings.

cookinmommyof1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:21 PM
when my sister got married last october (her 2nd marriage) she had her dress and decorations and everything. She had a judge do the ceremony. It was very nice. Even being a pastor, I would have told him to suck it and leave the judging to god. There are pastors who gladly marry gay couples, so I fail to see how being pregnant and getting married in the "traditional" way would be disgraceful and why he couldn't do it. I'm not a relidioug person, but it often times seems that some people who are can be so hipocrytical. Like the morons from the westborough baptist church in kansas who rpotest soldiers funerals saying they died because we allow gay marriage. It says in the bible judge not lest ye be judged.
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AdamsWife16
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:59 PM

My husband and I threw our wedding together in a weekend and got married in his parent's backyard.  It was a nice little ceremony, but I've always wanted a huge wedding.  It's been 3 years for us this year so we are starting to talk about having a huge renewal of vows for our 5th anniversary.  Maybe you could do the same?

IansMommy2012
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 9:09 AM


Quoting AdamsWife16:

My husband and I threw our wedding together in a weekend and got married in his parent's backyard.  It was a nice little ceremony, but I've always wanted a huge wedding.  It's been 3 years for us this year so we are starting to talk about having a huge renewal of vows for our 5th anniversary.  Maybe you could do the same?

I dunno .. maybe .. i guess it's really not the fact that I couldn't do it eventually, it's the fact that by the time that comes around, i'll prolly not want it . :/ or i'll be prego again. cause we want to shoot for number two in about 3-4 yrs. :/ 


IansMommy2012
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 9:09 AM


Quoting AdamsWife16:

My husband and I threw our wedding together in a weekend and got married in his parent's backyard.  It was a nice little ceremony, but I've always wanted a huge wedding.  It's been 3 years for us this year so we are starting to talk about having a huge renewal of vows for our 5th anniversary.  Maybe you could do the same?

btw i like you screen name. ;) My husband is Adam too. haha

IansMommy2012
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 9:20 AM


Quoting salamandersmom:

Ok, I'll add to your vent!!  I also feel like I was cheated out of my wedding.  My sister (HORRIBLE PERSON!) told my family that I was pregnant.  I wasn't.  My parents never even had the decency to come to me and ask if it were true.  NOPE.  They just went around behind my back and sabotaged EVERYTHING.  I didn't really care for a huge wedding with 1000 guests or anything.  I just wanted to sew my own wedding dress, have some nice pictures taken, and walk down the aisle of the "home" church, where my maternal line has gotten married for 4 generations!!  My family told me they couldnt' get the church.  We ended up married in the living room.  My mother would not loan me one of the THREE sewing machines she had, went behind my back by accessing my checking account and bought a used empire waist dress that would "disguise" my condition.  I didn't find out about the pregnancy lie until later, and then it took more than a decade for the origin of the lie to turn up.  I can't tell you how upset I am!!  So the wedding sucked.  The reception was in the garage.  (And I didn't really care about that part, all I wanted was to share my happiness with my family and friends.)   We have NO PICTURES of our wedding.  My Uncle, who was a photographer, had a softball game the morning of the wedding.  By the time the wedding rolled around, he was passed out drunk.  Because apparently, "softball" is just an euphamism for a bunch of grown men to get plastered and run around the ball diamond.  So in a pinch, we got my cousins boyfriend, who said he had photography experience, to use the 35mm cameras and take pitcures.  plenty were taken, but all were horrible, out of focus, etc.  I have dozens of pictures taken by my cousin's "professional photographer" boyfriend....  and all these pictures feature MY COUSIN and her ASS, not us.  By the time we found this out, and had scrambled to get negatives from everyone who was at the wedding or reception, and took pictures, it was too late.  about four months had passed, and I was pregnant with our first child.  In the first 60 days, I gained 75 pounds.  I couldn't fit in the wedding dress, and I was so unbelievably bloated. 

It's been almost 26  years now.  And I"m telling you, I'm still angry and bitter.   My heart breaks all over again, every time I think of this.  These feelings will not go away.  I know exactly what you mean.  Based on rumor, my parents threw me under the bus and acted like I had shamed them and the entire family!!!  And it's not fair or right.  

My advice?? 

Go to David's Bridal (website).  They have very affordable wedding dresses. Or, if you like vintage things, check out the thrift stores or consignment boutiques.  Find a dress you like, something special.  Set a date (your first anniversary maybe!) and then go and have some nice pictures taken.   Heck, I'm thrilled with the work that Wal-mart's photo studio does.  Even a super giant package costs less than $400.  And you can get a nice package much cheaper.  If you buy the photos on disk, you can print them yourself to include in Christmas cards, etc.  get a cute outfit for your baby boy.  Yes, they make formal wear for little boys, and it's adorable.  take some pictures of you and hubby, of just you, of just hubby, and some with all three of you together.  Afterwards, go out and have a nice dinner.  (NO MCDONALDS ALLOWED!!)  If you can afford it, get a hotel room for a night or a weekend.  You don't have to go far from home to have a nice "vacation" feel.  Have someone take "snapshots" of you while on your dinner out, or the hotel trip.  Come home, print out the pictures, and make a nice wedding album.  You deserve to get to feel like your wedding was something to celebrate, not just something horribly shameful that has to be hidden!  

That's TERRIBLE!! WHY would someone do that!!??!! Wow!!! I can't believe it!!! I would have killed her!! Oh man .. :( Im really sorry!!! I can't believe they didnt ask you to take a test in front of them or something . lol . that's pathetic . :( im really sorry!!!

THe pictures i guess is really the ONLY thing that I really wanted .. :/ I keep seeing on facebook everyone getting married (prego or not) and the wedding pictures are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! AND that's what I really wanted I guess .. Even if not the actual ceremony .. because that's really what ever .. lol .. I had a beautiful ceremony with my husband, pastor and 2 witnesses .. 

I love Davids Bridal..;) Everytime I see a commercial, I get upset .. Because I had my dream dress picked out. :/ (previous engagement) but we can barely afford our bills, let alone a dress, pictures and all that jazz . :/ besides to be honest, i doubt dh would really go for it . he's not into all that stuff.. I dont even know if he knows how i feel about this whole thing . :/ I just know it sucks!

AdamsWife16
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:05 PM

That's so cool.  :)

Quoting IansMommy2012:


Quoting AdamsWife16:

My husband and I threw our wedding together in a weekend and got married in his parent's backyard.  It was a nice little ceremony, but I've always wanted a huge wedding.  It's been 3 years for us this year so we are starting to talk about having a huge renewal of vows for our 5th anniversary.  Maybe you could do the same?

btw i like you screen name. ;) My husband is Adam too. haha


Ginnymarie33
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:08 PM
I'm sorry, I think weddings are a bunch of hype and a waste of money. It's one day that's exhausting and most barely get to enjoy because it goes by so fast. I chose a small backyard summer wedding with a summer dress and happily took the money my father saved for the wedding and the money my husband had been saving and used it for the down payment on a house . My mom and dad found it more sensible than a 10,000 day. It's my best decision I made. I can't live my life by what society has trained us to.
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