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So I started babysitting one of my best friends daughter today. She will be 2 on Sunday. She was taking a nap after lunch like she has for ever. Iv been in this little life since she was 3 months old. My middle daughter decides she is gonna there a fit because strawberry shortcake wasn't on. I told her to go to her room till she is done. She goes up stairs n starts throwing stuff around. Stomps her feet and wakes up the girl im babysitting. Who takes an hour nap on a good day. She ended up take a 30min nap. She woke up freaking out. So i let her up. She payed down the my 5 years old Dd for maybe 2 sec. When my friend came to pick his daughter up she wanted to beheld. He brought her home and she was being a brat. So shout her down for a nap. So i promised him I'd make sure she would get a better tomorrow...so now I have to think of a way that my middle child wont wake up her and my son. Any ideas?
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by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:06 PM
Replies (41-46):
startupscafe
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 1:41 PM

Matthew 7:13  Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide [is] the gate, and broad [is] the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:

Quoting SlapItHigh:

"My way" is very broad and absolutely does work across the board, b/c its individualized. Validate and empathy is just basic human respect that everyone deserves. Attempting to figure out and solve the actual problem doesn't work, lol? Giving children any number of unlimited tools to help them express themselves doesn't work? Can you explain why? Perhaps we have different understandings of what it means for something to "work".


Quoting MelisaAnderson:

I haven't suggested anything, nor will I. I think every child requires different structured parenting. What works on one child will not necessarily work on another. I just made a comment that "your" way doesn't work on my nephew... Like I said I think his tantrums have alot to do with her parenting skills..




Quoting SlapItHigh:

I think this type of attitude is part of the problem. Our culture tends to look at children as tantrum throwing brats instead of taking 2 seconds to consider what is going on and resolving the actual problem. American parents tend to want one-sized-fits-all bandaids they can throw on any issue...that's why we punish so much. If a child is having a "tantrum" because of a splinter, the solution is to remove the splinter, and treat the wound. Giving the child validation and empathy is still very important. I mean, what are you suggesting? Hitting a child who is upset/in pain/ scared about a splinter? Ignoring them? Time-out? I think its important to show children basic respect. I wouldn't be dramatic about it, just matter of fact.






Quoting MelisaAnderson:

Eh a tantrum is a tantrum.. He acts the same way when he can't watch what he wants on tv... That was just the last tantrum I witnesses.. Not my kid, not my worry! Thankfully my kids never acted like he does. I do believe his tantrum's have alot to do with her parenting style.. But who am I to judge... :)








Quoting SlapItHigh:

Well, that's not exactly what I suggested. I said the biggest thing is validation and empathy which also needs to be consistent. Also, getting a splinter is not being bad. A splinter is physically painful -- of course no one wants to sing or play games when they are in pain. I didn't even suggest either of those things for tantrums but certainly not for an injury. The key to turning a tantrum into a game is taking charge of the situation and making it fun, not saying, "do you want to play a game?" Get creative! It takes a little practice but it becomes second nature. Check out the book I suggested or any book on play therapy if you need ideas.










Quoting MelisaAnderson:

I'm not there everytime as I don't live with them. But I just witnessed a huge one over him getting a splinter in his finger..and all he did when she suggested several things like singing or playing a game or getting a wet rag was scream louder and hit her.. So yeah it doesn't work for him... No reason to be upset that your thinking doesn't work for everyone...












Quoting SlapItHigh:

I call BS. She tries ALL of these things and none of them work? Are you there when she is trying? Ha, I doubt it. This is how it works, this is how everyone likes/deserves to be treated.














Quoting MelisaAnderson:

This it's what my sil does with her almost 5 year old.. Doesn't work! He just gets angrier...
















Quoting SlapItHigh:

You aren't going to be able to avoid all meltdowns with kids although its great to think of ways to reduce them. I think your biggest help is going to be learning how to deal with them when they start. A child doesn't have all the same skills, experience or brain development in the prefrontal lobe that adults have in order to handle their emotions when things don't go their way. Sending them away to their room doesn't give them any tools to handle it either, it just maes them feel more upset. The two biggest things you can do when a meltdown begins is offer validation and empathy. You'll be surprised how well they calm. Give her other sugestions for how she can deal with her frustrations...maybe blowing, counting, using words calmly (this only works if mom is willing to listen with respect), or even making up sily words. Diffusing the situation with play/fun makes things much more enjoyable than anger.









MelisaAnderson
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 1:45 PM
I was about to say the same about myself! I was raised in a home full of mental and physical abuse. And I have never turned to drugs or alcohol, and shucks I'm not obese either!
And I agree with you on her generalizations!


Quoting startupscafe:

Funny, I never became an alcoholic, I never had drug addiction (NEVER TRIED IT), and I am a very productive individual in society.  Adults in this generation are more out of control.  I have a neighbor that I can give a perfect example.  You have it backwards.  Obesity was not an issue when I was growing up either.  These are GROSS generalizations.

Besides, I don't take to lying "experts" who sell books to make everyone "feel good" just so they can make money.

I have even seen a video of an unborn child who was trying to run away from the abortion tools in the womb.  Pretty smart baby.  But he doesn't exist anymore.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

Actually scientists have proven how an 18mo brain works, which areas have developed and to what extent. 18mo are actually quite brilliant but not in the way you describe. I would recommend the book, 'Scientist in the Crib'. Yes, when you were growing up tantrums in the store were rare and now that generation struggles with massive alcoholism and drug addiction as well as morbid obesity. People eventually figureout other ways to deal with their emotions years after they've been threatened and coerced into burying it deep inside.

Quoting startupscafe:

I have been a mom for over 23 years.  I have seen children throw temper tantrums and moms allow it. 

When I was growing up temper tantrums in the middle of the store were very rare.  These days, with the theory that spanking is a bad idea altogether, children are much more out of control.  I have an adult child living next to me that has not learned self-control.  He is a nightmare to live next to.

An 18 month old is much smarter than you think.  And I don't care what the "experts" say.  Many of them don't have children and are the ones telling parents how to raise their children.  It takes motherhood experience to understand these things.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

That's definitely not what happened. Its literally impossible for an 18 mo old to have had such thoughts. I would suggest reading about child brain development.





Quoting startupscafe:

She needs authority.  Children do respect their parents better and are more secure when their parents are firm and consistent with discipline.  My son was about 18 months old when he threw a temper tantrum once.  I whacked his diapered bottom and he pouted for a few minutes, and then he never did it again.  He is 23 now and remembers it.  He remembers thinking that it didn't give him the attention he wanted, so throwing a temper tantrum didn't work.  He also learned self-control.

BTW, it isn't a good idea to reward her with cartoons, toys, and such, until she can show that she can restrain herself from throwing a temper tantrum.  Remember, she will grow up into an adult someday and might throw tempers when she is older if not corrected and shown to use self-control.

Quoting arilolojrsmom:

Iv tried everything it seems like when i talk to her calmly she freaks out more. Ill hug her and try to explain to her that what she did was not nice. And she will push me away and tell me she hates me and that shes going to her room. She my little diva as my sister puts it.








Quoting SlapItHigh:

You aren't going to be able to avoid all meltdowns with kids although its great to think of ways to reduce them. I think your biggest help is going to be learning how to deal with them when they start. A child doesn't have all the same skills, experience or brain development in the prefrontal lobe that adults have in order to handle their emotions when things don't go their way. Sending them away to their room doesn't give them any tools to handle it either, it just maes them feel more upset. The two biggest things you can do when a meltdown begins is offer validation and empathy. You'll be surprised how well they calm. Give her other sugestions for how she can deal with her frustrations...maybe blowing, counting, using words calmly (this only works if mom is willing to listen with respect), or even making up sily words. Diffusing the situation with play/fun makes things much more enjoyable than anger.











Posted on CafeMom Mobile
startupscafe
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 2:02 PM

Hey!  And our generation was raised on spanking that had "always been."  Spanking isn't the "cause" of this generation's problems.  It is the lack of discipline, sadly.  Discipline isn't pleasant, but it is necessary to raise children to learn self-control and to be stable adults when they grow up.


I was about to say the same about myself! I was raised in a home full of mental and physical abuse. And I have never turned to drugs or alcohol, and shucks I'm not obese either!
And I agree with you on her generalizations!


Quoting startupscafe:

Funny, I never became an alcoholic, I never had drug addiction (NEVER TRIED IT), and I am a very productive individual in society.  Adults in this generation are more out of control.  I have a neighbor that I can give a perfect example.  You have it backwards.  Obesity was not an issue when I was growing up either.  These are GROSS generalizations.

Besides, I don't take to lying "experts" who sell books to make everyone "feel good" just so they can make money.

I have even seen a video of an unborn child who was trying to run away from the abortion tools in the womb.  Pretty smart baby.  But he doesn't exist anymore.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

Actually scientists have proven how an 18mo brain works, which areas have developed and to what extent. 18mo are actually quite brilliant but not in the way you describe. I would recommend the book, 'Scientist in the Crib'. Yes, when you were growing up tantrums in the store were rare and now that generation struggles with massive alcoholism and drug addiction as well as morbid obesity. People eventually figureout other ways to deal with their emotions years after they've been threatened and coerced into burying it deep inside.

Quoting startupscafe:

I have been a mom for over 23 years.  I have seen children throw temper tantrums and moms allow it. 

When I was growing up temper tantrums in the middle of the store were very rare.  These days, with the theory that spanking is a bad idea altogether, children are much more out of control.  I have an adult child living next to me that has not learned self-control.  He is a nightmare to live next to.

An 18 month old is much smarter than you think.  And I don't care what the "experts" say.  Many of them don't have children and are the ones telling parents how to raise their children.  It takes motherhood experience to understand these things.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

That's definitely not what happened. Its literally impossible for an 18 mo old to have had such thoughts. I would suggest reading about child brain development.





Quoting startupscafe:

She needs authority.  Children do respect their parents better and are more secure when their parents are firm and consistent with discipline.  My son was about 18 months old when he threw a temper tantrum once.  I whacked his diapered bottom and he pouted for a few minutes, and then he never did it again.  He is 23 now and remembers it.  He remembers thinking that it didn't give him the attention he wanted, so throwing a temper tantrum didn't work.  He also learned self-control.

BTW, it isn't a good idea to reward her with cartoons, toys, and such, until she can show that she can restrain herself from throwing a temper tantrum.  Remember, she will grow up into an adult someday and might throw tempers when she is older if not corrected and shown to use self-control.

Quoting arilolojrsmom:

Iv tried everything it seems like when i talk to her calmly she freaks out more. Ill hug her and try to explain to her that what she did was not nice. And she will push me away and tell me she hates me and that shes going to her room. She my little diva as my sister puts it.








Quoting SlapItHigh:

You aren't going to be able to avoid all meltdowns with kids although its great to think of ways to reduce them. I think your biggest help is going to be learning how to deal with them when they start. A child doesn't have all the same skills, experience or brain development in the prefrontal lobe that adults have in order to handle their emotions when things don't go their way. Sending them away to their room doesn't give them any tools to handle it either, it just maes them feel more upset. The two biggest things you can do when a meltdown begins is offer validation and empathy. You'll be surprised how well they calm. Give her other sugestions for how she can deal with her frustrations...maybe blowing, counting, using words calmly (this only works if mom is willing to listen with respect), or even making up sily words. Diffusing the situation with play/fun makes things much more enjoyable than anger.












MelisaAnderson
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 2:15 PM
Yep I agree! I also think there are too many parents not disciplining their children for the things they do wrong, then over rewarding them for the things they do right.


Quoting startupscafe:

Hey!  And our generation was raised on spanking that had "always been."  Spanking isn't the "cause" of this generation's problems.  It is the lack of discipline, sadly.  Discipline isn't pleasant, but it is necessary to raise children to learn self-control and to be stable adults when they grow up.


I was about to say the same about myself! I was raised in a home full of mental and physical abuse. And I have never turned to drugs or alcohol, and shucks I'm not obese either!

And I agree with you on her generalizations!





Quoting startupscafe:

Funny, I never became an alcoholic, I never had drug addiction (NEVER TRIED IT), and I am a very productive individual in society.  Adults in this generation are more out of control.  I have a neighbor that I can give a perfect example.  You have it backwards.  Obesity was not an issue when I was growing up either.  These are GROSS generalizations.

Besides, I don't take to lying "experts" who sell books to make everyone "feel good" just so they can make money.

I have even seen a video of an unborn child who was trying to run away from the abortion tools in the womb.  Pretty smart baby.  But he doesn't exist anymore.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

Actually scientists have proven how an 18mo brain works, which areas have developed and to what extent. 18mo are actually quite brilliant but not in the way you describe. I would recommend the book, 'Scientist in the Crib'. Yes, when you were growing up tantrums in the store were rare and now that generation struggles with massive alcoholism and drug addiction as well as morbid obesity. People eventually figureout other ways to deal with their emotions years after they've been threatened and coerced into burying it deep inside.

Quoting startupscafe:

I have been a mom for over 23 years.  I have seen children throw temper tantrums and moms allow it. 

When I was growing up temper tantrums in the middle of the store were very rare.  These days, with the theory that spanking is a bad idea altogether, children are much more out of control.  I have an adult child living next to me that has not learned self-control.  He is a nightmare to live next to.

An 18 month old is much smarter than you think.  And I don't care what the "experts" say.  Many of them don't have children and are the ones telling parents how to raise their children.  It takes motherhood experience to understand these things.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

That's definitely not what happened. Its literally impossible for an 18 mo old to have had such thoughts. I would suggest reading about child brain development.





Quoting startupscafe:

She needs authority.  Children do respect their parents better and are more secure when their parents are firm and consistent with discipline.  My son was about 18 months old when he threw a temper tantrum once.  I whacked his diapered bottom and he pouted for a few minutes, and then he never did it again.  He is 23 now and remembers it.  He remembers thinking that it didn't give him the attention he wanted, so throwing a temper tantrum didn't work.  He also learned self-control.

BTW, it isn't a good idea to reward her with cartoons, toys, and such, until she can show that she can restrain herself from throwing a temper tantrum.  Remember, she will grow up into an adult someday and might throw tempers when she is older if not corrected and shown to use self-control.

Quoting arilolojrsmom:

Iv tried everything it seems like when i talk to her calmly she freaks out more. Ill hug her and try to explain to her that what she did was not nice. And she will push me away and tell me she hates me and that shes going to her room. She my little diva as my sister puts it.








Quoting SlapItHigh:

You aren't going to be able to avoid all meltdowns with kids although its great to think of ways to reduce them. I think your biggest help is going to be learning how to deal with them when they start. A child doesn't have all the same skills, experience or brain development in the prefrontal lobe that adults have in order to handle their emotions when things don't go their way. Sending them away to their room doesn't give them any tools to handle it either, it just maes them feel more upset. The two biggest things you can do when a meltdown begins is offer validation and empathy. You'll be surprised how well they calm. Give her other sugestions for how she can deal with her frustrations...maybe blowing, counting, using words calmly (this only works if mom is willing to listen with respect), or even making up sily words. Diffusing the situation with play/fun makes things much more enjoyable than anger.














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startupscafe
by on Jul. 18, 2012 at 2:22 PM

ABSOLUTELY!  They are over-rewarding them for doing good, and then rewarding them for doing wrong too.  A mom should never "respect" a child's misbehavior.  That is another "reward" for bad behavior.  Children are to respec their parents!

Quoting MelisaAnderson:

Yep I agree! I also think there are too many parents not disciplining their children for the things they do wrong, then over rewarding them for the things they do right.


Quoting startupscafe:

Hey!  And our generation was raised on spanking that had "always been."  Spanking isn't the "cause" of this generation's problems.  It is the lack of discipline, sadly.  Discipline isn't pleasant, but it is necessary to raise children to learn self-control and to be stable adults when they grow up.


I was about to say the same about myself! I was raised in a home full of mental and physical abuse. And I have never turned to drugs or alcohol, and shucks I'm not obese either!

And I agree with you on her generalizations!





Quoting startupscafe:

Funny, I never became an alcoholic, I never had drug addiction (NEVER TRIED IT), and I am a very productive individual in society.  Adults in this generation are more out of control.  I have a neighbor that I can give a perfect example.  You have it backwards.  Obesity was not an issue when I was growing up either.  These are GROSS generalizations.

Besides, I don't take to lying "experts" who sell books to make everyone "feel good" just so they can make money.

I have even seen a video of an unborn child who was trying to run away from the abortion tools in the womb.  Pretty smart baby.  But he doesn't exist anymore.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

Actually scientists have proven how an 18mo brain works, which areas have developed and to what extent. 18mo are actually quite brilliant but not in the way you describe. I would recommend the book, 'Scientist in the Crib'. Yes, when you were growing up tantrums in the store were rare and now that generation struggles with massive alcoholism and drug addiction as well as morbid obesity. People eventually figureout other ways to deal with their emotions years after they've been threatened and coerced into burying it deep inside.

Quoting startupscafe:

I have been a mom for over 23 years.  I have seen children throw temper tantrums and moms allow it. 

When I was growing up temper tantrums in the middle of the store were very rare.  These days, with the theory that spanking is a bad idea altogether, children are much more out of control.  I have an adult child living next to me that has not learned self-control.  He is a nightmare to live next to.

An 18 month old is much smarter than you think.  And I don't care what the "experts" say.  Many of them don't have children and are the ones telling parents how to raise their children.  It takes motherhood experience to understand these things.

Quoting SlapItHigh:

That's definitely not what happened. Its literally impossible for an 18 mo old to have had such thoughts. I would suggest reading about child brain development.





Quoting startupscafe:

She needs authority.  Children do respect their parents better and are more secure when their parents are firm and consistent with discipline.  My son was about 18 months old when he threw a temper tantrum once.  I whacked his diapered bottom and he pouted for a few minutes, and then he never did it again.  He is 23 now and remembers it.  He remembers thinking that it didn't give him the attention he wanted, so throwing a temper tantrum didn't work.  He also learned self-control.

BTW, it isn't a good idea to reward her with cartoons, toys, and such, until she can show that she can restrain herself from throwing a temper tantrum.  Remember, she will grow up into an adult someday and might throw tempers when she is older if not corrected and shown to use self-control.

Quoting arilolojrsmom:

Iv tried everything it seems like when i talk to her calmly she freaks out more. Ill hug her and try to explain to her that what she did was not nice. And she will push me away and tell me she hates me and that shes going to her room. She my little diva as my sister puts it.








Quoting SlapItHigh:

You aren't going to be able to avoid all meltdowns with kids although its great to think of ways to reduce them. I think your biggest help is going to be learning how to deal with them when they start. A child doesn't have all the same skills, experience or brain development in the prefrontal lobe that adults have in order to handle their emotions when things don't go their way. Sending them away to their room doesn't give them any tools to handle it either, it just maes them feel more upset. The two biggest things you can do when a meltdown begins is offer validation and empathy. You'll be surprised how well they calm. Give her other sugestions for how she can deal with her frustrations...maybe blowing, counting, using words calmly (this only works if mom is willing to listen with respect), or even making up sily words. Diffusing the situation with play/fun makes things much more enjoyable than anger.















Kyka
by on Jul. 19, 2012 at 5:35 PM
Why dont u put her to nap also?
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